I had a few days off this week so I decided to make the most of them and booked a train to York for two nights. I was there for less then 5 minutes and was texting my SO that we should be living there instead. It was so pretty!
I checked into my hostel. It must have been converted flats, cause the room I was in had its own kitchen and bathroom with two rooms with 4 beds each. There was one guy in the living room room watching tv and didn't seem very social so I chose the other room with the bed against the wall.

Spent the afternoon walking around and seeing everything. It was super windy which was a bit annoying so I went into the viking museum. I decided I'd go back to the hostel after and check my emails and rest a bit before dinner. When I got back there was an Aussie guy in the kitchen so we talked a bit and then the other guy that was watching tv came in and joined. He was dutch and very awkward. After talking a bit I told them I was going to eat and then just to be nice asked if either wanted to join, they both did.

Dinner was alright, had a few drinks talked. Then went back to the hostel with the intention of going back out but was tired. I spent most of the night talking to the aussie, we shared a room.

Next day I planned to go to the railway museum. Aussie asked if he could join. (Hes traveling on his own for 6 months) He tagged along and then we went and saw a few other things. It was nice, he was nice. Then he went to the gym and I spent some times out of the wind reading in a coffee shop. I could feel my mood picking up, not thinking about work or my relationship.

I went back to the hostel to try to brush all the wind tangles out of my hair. Both guys were there so we talked a bit. I told them I was going to the hostel restaurant to eat if either wanted to meet up later. The dutch guy came with and the aussie said he might meet up later. Oh it was so awkward! He is a really nice person but I'm not sure he is all there? I struggled with conversation a bit. I guess he travels all the time by himself and he has been everywhere. Just as we finish eating aussie comes and joins us, which is kind of a relief. We hang out there the whole evening talking and drinking.

Next morning we all have to check out, we walked togetherrr from the hostel a bit. I'm ready to say goodbye and head my own way but aussie beats me to it leaving me and dutch guy alone. Wanting some alone time I say I might go read or go shopping and it sounds like he says something about how he wouldn't mind going shopping. At that point I kinds just say oh it was nice meeting you and run off.

I get home just after 7 expecting my SO home soon but he decides to go for a pint after work which kind of bugged me. I hadn't seen him in days and he takes forever getting home. WHen he gets home its like I was never gone, I don't get any more of a peck then I usually would. Then as we are making dinner he tells me what I am doing wrong and nags and good mood I had found in York is gone again.

The next morning we have to get up early to go spend the weekend at his parents house. We had tickets to a gig in his home town. His parents picked us up from the station and we were going to go for a pub lunch but the pub was really busy so we just had a drink and went back to his parents house. We had a nice dinner and then went to the gig which was really good.

The next day we spent it outside because it was really nice. I burnt my arm a bit (lucky for spf foundation!) my SO burnt his face. The london marathon was on and we watched it for a bit. I know where my SO gets his judgementalness from. His mom drove me absolutely mad. She has a comment about everyone they showed. Lots of people dressed up or wore funny things and to he it was just stupid and I hate it. It makes them seem like they are better then everyone else and my SO does it a lot and I can't stand it.

I got a message this morning from my friend back home wanting to know if I would want to go to Australia next year. We had talked about it before when I was in Canada but it was more just talk. I guess shes decided to go it for sure. I've always wanted to. I can't if I am with my SO. I also can't seem to stop thinking about our relationship. I don't think it is going to work. I feel like I'm done talking. The kisses aren't going to get longer, the longer we go without sex the harder it is to ever go back to how it was. I have this constant weight on my shoulders fretting about us. When I tell him we need to look at what we are going to do while he is in Canada he says he is tired and its too much effort at that moment. I just don't see it getting better. Something is missing.

I have a month left till I leave. We go to Berlin in two weeks. I feel quite lost, but I think its time to start a new chapter..