Another update, though I'm sure people are sick of this already. To be honest I'm sick of it myself. But I wouldn't mind some input about what to do next.

So I have been staying at the old apartment with my sisters for the last three days and went back home yesterday evening. When I got there, I found an envelope in one of my drawers, containing a hand-written letter from my mother, as a response to the one I gave her. Good thing, right? At least there is some kind of conversation going on.

Well, I'm not sure how to feel, to be honest. It was a rather loving letter, and it contained all the things I already knew she would say about the relationship, but it didn't seem to invite any kind of dialogue, and there were a couple of things that were downright hurtful. Here are bullet points:

- The experience that I'm having is one that many other women, herself included, have had in the past: meeting a foreigner, falling in love and then having to give it up because reality kicks in. You see, my mother traveled to the UK in her youth, and stayed in Scotland for three months at some point. She was studying there and apparently she met this Egyptian man whom she thought she loved. She also gave me several other examples of girlfriends of her who met such men. She said the reason they fell for these people is because they were dazzled by their kindness, their sweet words, their understanding, and those qualities seem to be lacking with Algerian men. Then she said that it was with sadness that they gave them up because, in spite of our countrymen's flaws, only with them is our life possible. Yep. Algerians aren't as great as other people, but you can only marry one, because... no reason, really.

- She respects my feelings for this man, because apparently his desire for me has given me a lot of self-confidence. Also, when she was in Scotland she has met some Scandinavian people and while they seemed swell, they are hostile people who are adverse to change. Their countries are cold, and so are the people. She believes Timo was drawn to me because I'm "exotic" and have a "warm" nature.

- Is it worth it to leave everyone behind, my baby nephew included, and destroy what "she has been building for 33 years (of marriage to my father) for the sake of one man? A man who is recently converted to Islam (even though I told her he's been a convert for over six years, but apparently if you're white, that doesn't count) made me forget about millions of other Algerian men. She cited good friends of mine who are happily married here and why should I be an exception?

- This is one of the very hurtful things: She said "once the body is satiated (from sex, I imagine) then what? One everyday life kicks in, what will you have left? Because I only love him for sex, you know. He is an empty shell that has nothing to offer me. And what about the children we might have? She said "the present moment is nothing compared to a long life." That is downright insulting.

- She then gave me a scenario that would happen if the "irreparable and insurmountable" should happen (that I run away): my father would kill my mother, then he would kill himself, and my younger sisters would be left alone because my extended family would turn their backs on them. That's a nice variation of "your father would kill you". I imagine she though this would get a better reaction from me. She also said that several relatives who are basically my father's 'enemies' would "triumph" at the news that I have married a foreigner. And basically everyone would hate us for it, because god forbid a person's private life would be that person's business, right?

- Then I got the coup de grāce: Break up with him. It is going to be very painful and you'll probably hate me for it, but I can guarantee that you will get over it, meet a decent man and thank me for it. She said my dignified behaviour and my wisdom will make it so that God will grant me happiness eventually. She says I'm smart enough to adapt to any situation and this one isn't worth the pain it causes.

Then there was a PS, added much later because it was written with a different pen, saying that I had mentioned in the letter that Timo had made financial sacrificed to be with me (plane tickets, phone bills, etc.) I think it was a bit silly of me to mention that. But anyway, what she said is she is willing to give me back the large sum of money that I have given her a while ago (no reason, just to help her financially) so I can repay him, so that I "will not be tainted with that kind of sin". It's very insulting to both me and Timo, implying that he has been "buying me". I almost choked when I read that. But I also think it makes sense given the way my mother thinks.

So here we are. I'm not quite sure what to do next. I'm thinking of writing a rebuttal to all her argument. It's very hard for me not to sound very hostile (her new favourite word, apparently) and contemptuous in my head when I think of what to write. Also I'm not sure she wants to hear reason. She is so dead-set in her reasoning and her opinion that whatever I say will be interpreted as the rambling of a naive girl who has no experience with life, and as brain washing from either my SO or the stuff I read on the internet.

Still, I guess I need to do something. I can't just give her the impression that I've given up. Not sure how I can make a person who still hold such outdated beliefs, like that a woman from a given nationality/ethnicity can only find happiness with someone from the same background, even though I see countless of examples around me of unhappiness in such marriages, and that basically a "white" man cannot be good for me because they are this and that (because all stereotypes are true, they are all the same, and all Arabs are violent thieves, am I right?) understand that love is not about race or religion, it's about people, and who they are at their very core...

Oh well.