So yea, we're on some sort of break. I don't want to delve too much into it, but I was definitely right about the stress getting to him and feeling like I was smothering him.

If you've read my blogs, you got the gist of it. I don't know how long it'll last. He says we both need to work on ourselves so we can be how we used to be, and I completely agree. I need to focus on school, get a job, and start calling up old friends because I've been relying on him way too much for everything. He said that him having the responsibility of dealing with all of my problems, as well as his, was starting to be too much because he needs to sort himself out. It's true though, he's the only person I go to when I have a problem because I don't have many friends. I hate that I did that, but I don't have anyone else to talk to. He needs to work himself out, his living situation, get accustomed to the job, etc. He said he feels like he's turning into an asshole because he's stressed out/mad all the time and he doesn't think it's fair to me. He said he was starting to lose interest, but neither of us is sure if it's the job or if it was something that was going to happen anyways since it all started around the same time. He says he still loves me/is in love with me. He doesn't us to break up permanently, because I told him that to me, a break up means we're done. So we decided to be on the "break", which I hate saying that, but we don't know what else to call it.

He said he didn't want to let things get so bad like my ex did, which led to my ex just cheating on me flat out, and he didn't want it to get to the point where the feelings are gone (meaning we don't love each other anymore). At the same time, he doesn't want to feel like he's holding me back by making me wait for him. He said he doesn't want to feel like he has to make things work between us , instead of wanting to make things work. I don't know. I just think he's really confused.

He wanted the option to be able to see other people, if it were to happen so that neither of us would feel held back. Although, I told him that no matter what, unfortunately my brain is wired to where I only focus on one person, and right now that's him. He kept telling me that he really doubts anything would happen with someone else on his end because he's not the type of guy to hook up with random girls (very true, and one of the reasons I fell in love with him). He thinks that having this option, if something did happen, that one of two things would happen: either we would realize that we can't live without each other, or that maybe we weren't right for each other. But, he did acknowledge that he knows if something were to happen on his end, that I might not be able to get over it. I was honest with him. I told him that I really didn't know how I would feel, because I do get very jealous and the thought of him being with another girl makes me sick and makes me so upset. He said that if something were to happen, that he hopes that we could both be honest and open about it and he hoped that it wouldn't affect us working out what's going on with us. I mean this part, makes him sound like a douche, I know. I even feel like it's a bit douchey to say, but I know he'd rather lay everything out on the table. He's honest in that sense. He doesn't want to make unrealistic rules, or whatever. I can't find the word for it.

So, we're together, but not together...? I told him that we should slow things down and probably not talk as much, or see each other as much, while we do this. I'm not even sure how I feel right now.

My brother agrees with my SO, that if this is what he needs to help himself so he can be a better person, then it is what it is. And, if my brother agrees with him, then that's a miracle because he hated my ex and was worried my SO would be like him.

Plus, I guess it's definitely true that you can't be in a happy relationship if you're not happy with yourself, and this goes for both me and my SO.

Edit: The word I was looking for was expectations.