I told him about the 5 Love Languages book and told him how I was going to buy it, and few others of Gary Chapman's, and read them. I took the quizzes for the Love Languages and the Apology one, and copied my results to him and sent him the links. He hasn't done them yet. I was worried he was going to think that it was stupid that I was getting the books, but I've heard such great things about them, and I think that they may help us. When I asked him what he thought about it, and if he thought it was dumb, he said no and that he knows I'm just trying to help. I bought the regular 5 Love Languages, the singles edition, the apology one, and "Things I wish I knew before we got married" or whatever (for future reference). I told him that even if didn't help us, maybe it would help us in the future in other relationships, and also help his communication skills (so he could do other things instead). I read the singles one first, and I still have the others to read. He asked me if I read them, and I told him that I just read the one for now. I'm not sure if I'm going to bring them with me, whenever I see him next.
He also actually told me on Thursday that if I wanted to come down this past weekend, I could. But, I told him I had things to do (which fell through, but it was nice to be home).
He bought us tickets to a Beef & Beer (it's like a fundraiser, you pay a flat fee and get "free" food and beer for as long as it lasts. There's also 50/50's and raffles for baskets/items) we're supposed to go to for someone we know that has breast cancer, so I'll definitely see him then. That's in about 3 weeks, a little less.
I haven't been talking to him as much, I've just been letting him come to me lately. Except today. Today was the first time, since it happened, that I initiated it. I wanted to ask him about the books, since yesterday he was asleep from the time he got home from work until he woke up for work this morning. FYI, I don't consider it the next day until I go to sleep and wake up, lol. He's actually been talking to me every day (at least a few messages), which is super surprising because he usually never does that. I usually initiate. I told him multiple times that we don't have to talk, or see each other, but he seems to want to.
I'm also surprised that he hasn't even really been going out. I think he went out once this whole week (compared to how it was before we had "the talk", and after things changed). I figured he'd be out all the time with his "boys" and drinking and stuff, but he's mostly just gone home from work and talked to me. The one day he did go out, he was only out for a few hours after work, which is when he bought the benefit tickets from friends of ours. All he did was see one of our friends shoot darts, and probably shoot with him, and drink some beers. I didn't talk to him that night, he just texted me to tell me he bought them. I didn't even respond because I was taking a shower, and then he probably went to bed while I was still in the shower.
It's only been a week, but it feels longer.
It's actually not affecting me as bad as I'm used to in the past, from when I was with my ex. I mean, my stomach is messed up (I don't want to be gross, but it's a cross between #2 and #3, and I get stomach aches a lot), but I'm not super depressed (like at all, really) and not crying (though sometimes I feel like it, but it goes away). But, I do know that it is messing with my head, because I've been having nightmares almost every night. Multiple ones. Almost all with him in them, but I haven't said anything to him about it because he doesn't like when I have nightmares with him in them (they make him feel bad). I've just been doing a lot of thinking about us. I'm very confused now. This is just making me question a lot. Like before any of this started happening, I never complained about my SO really. Except the usual, "I wish he'd talk to me more" stuff. Things were amazing before this happened. We were super crazy about each other, all we wanted to do was be with each other all the time and we couldn't wait to move in together some day. Then he started the job...
I know I still love him, that's a given.
He's still on his probation period, and it's going to last a year.
Plus, for the police positions, they raised the standards: you need to have 2 years of Law Enforcement experience, 2 years of Active Duty (my SO only has one), or a Criminal Justice degree.
He missed the deadline to respond for the State Police thing already since that was a couple months ago, and he didn't want to do that and look like an asshole because the prison was hiring strictly veterans and only 6 people made it, including him (which is now down to 4, because one walked out and one was dismissed).
I've been telling him if he sticks with this for another year and a half, he has a better chance of being able to transfer because he'll have his 2 years of law enforcement experience. He said that they lowered the standards, but I don't know. He applied to be a city cop again a few weeks ago (he had applied and was offered the position a few years ago, but he turned it down because he's stupid, and we weren't together so I couldn't nag him), but like I said, it all takes a while.