However, this is probably the third time he's almost gotten into a fight where I wasn't around.
He told me tonight, when he called me on his way home (and we talked on Facebook when he was home), that he needs me. He needs me to calm him down because I'm the only person who knows how. That, if I was there, this wouldn't have happened. Not that he was trying to make me feel guilty, just that I really do know how to calm him down. When he gets to that point, he gets so damn stubborn. He's usually extremely good at chilling out, and not getting to that point, but when someone keeps pushing his buttons and doesn't stop...yea. But, that's something that happens to all veterans with PTSD. The fact that he trusts me so much to be that person to him, and the fact that I even can do that for him, means a lot. Especially to him. I think the only other people that would be able to calm him down is his Dad and his Aunt. Who are both gone. I always know when he's about to have a mood, a panic attack, when he's frustrated, etc. He doesn't even have to say anything to me, I can tell. I can tell how he writes to me when we're messaging, I can hear it in his voice when we're talking, and I can see it in his body language/habits/facial expressions.He also admitted to me that he wishes I were there more. I do too.
He said that one of the main reasons why he's working so many doubles is so that we can move in together faster. I didn't think about that. He even said that he doesn't even think of me as being clingy anymore, he sees it as me loving him that much and now he appreciates it and likes it. I don't know, he's been changing lately. I like it. I just really hope he stays this way. Because last time he went through an "episode", he was like this afterwards then too, but then he had the most recent one. Gotta love PTSD, it's unpredictable sometimes when it's going to show its ugly face. He told me again that he really appreciates me putting up with his "craziness", as he calls it. And, I told him that I hope he's starting to see that I'm not like the other girls now.He told me, "Don't worry, the longer we date, the more affectionate I'll get," which...I didn't want to say at the time, how do you know that if I'm the longest relationship you've actually been in? I don't know. It's hard with his mood swings sometimes. I try not to be pessimistic, but at the same time, I don't want to get my hopes up, but then I feel bad for thinking that way.
I guess it's good that I do so much research on PTSD and how to help. I know he appreciates it, and he's glad that I actually give a damn.
The most important thing I learned tonight was that he doesn't just want me, he needs me. He's never said that to me before.
Admitting that you have a problem definitely is the first step, and hella important. Just make sure he sticks with it. It's very good that you don't pressure him, but don't lose sight of the issue, either. If he brings up the anti-depressants that didn't work as an argument, definitely encourage him that as with any other kind of service, it can take a few tries to find the thing that works best for you. Therapists/medication are no exception.
You know this already, but - He's certainly not weak! He'd be afraid of looking weak in front of you the most, I reckon, and yet he admitted to you that he needs help. It's a tough path for him, for sure, since the acceptance for psychotherapy in the rather rugged, no-nonsense culture of the army is low. He's very lucky to have you sticking with him. Just make sure you don't just take good care of him, but of yourself too! Keep being awesome
I'm really proud at how far he's come and that he takes me, and what I say, seriously.