He got upset with me when I shut down. We've discussed this issue maybe 4 times and I'm sick of talking about it. Tonight he kept questioning me about what my problem was and, like I said, I didn't want to talk about it so I stayed silent. He told me that I need to see a therapist for my anger and emotional issues. I said "Maybe I do." I didn't say much else after that, so after a few minutes, he hung up on me.
I feel like he isn't supporting me and it's upsetting... and I have no idea how to fix me or.. this. He keeps telling me that this is affecting him as well as myself - not being able to get sexual - but making it seem as if I'm doing it on purpose or something. I've told him multiple times that I literally have no control over it and I wish I could change but that doesn't seem good enough for him. I'm sad that this is happening and I feel like it's all my fault.
I haven't stopped crying since he ended the call and that was like 40 minutes ago. I'm so sick of all of this. I feel like he feels that I owe him something... but what about the whole fucking year he was here and I paid for the both of us while i worked my ass off and was studying, whilst he sat at home rarely doing washing or cleaning or anything else but playing league of legends..? When we went back to the USA, I still had to pay for everything as well, so I couldn't really buy what I wanted to buy or do a whole lot. I know its not nice but I still hold a lot of resentment over all of that. I expect him to at least remember how much I did for him. I feel unappreciated. And he's not doing any research for the visa, it's all been me. I had to even correct him on a few things, because I know he skims when he reads.
Honest to god, I thought things would be different. I don't know how much longer I can deal with this. I don't want to talk to my friends because they think my relationship is going well. I'm not very public with our problems.
He is supposed to propose on our next visit but I don't know if I want that unless we can overcome this.
All I can offer is that unless you talk it out, he is never going to understand and nothing is going to change. And that goes for the resentment stuff too. Of course you're not going to want to frisk with him when you're pissed off about inequalities in the relationship or are stressed out over visas. Sometimes you just need to tell menfolk "I'd be a lot more turned on if you did my dishes/finished this visa paperwork with me/ watched a movie with me while I calm down first" because wanting to want sex isn't always enough.
I'm sorry you're feeling hurt. All the ladies before me gave good advice, but there's one more thing i wanted to address.
Going from CD to LD is hard. You guys have just switched back a few weeks ago. It comes with a lot of change and emotions, even if you don't really notice the changes at first, there's an adjustment period to it. you might think you know how to deal with everything because you've been LD before and have a routine that works, but it might not be the case.
While my SO and I were LD we went through different kinds of phases where we needed different things from each-other. Things that used to work wonders before were becoming like a chore at other points. It might be a good idea to re evaluate your needs from each-other and how to best express and fulfill them.
I hope you're feeling better already
All the other stuff I guess I'll get over with time. He knows how I feel about it and has promised me we won't go through that again. So yeah
thanks again everyone