My SO and I finally got to video chat last night. The last few days have been busy and hes been really tired. We watched true blood together. He got into bed, as he normally would do as its around 3am his time. Then we talked. He brought up something I said to him the other day. I had told him that my mother doesn't want him staying with us if he comes back to visit, as she said he stressed her out with not really doing much whilst he was here. He said that this comment really bothered him and hurt his feelings that both myself and my mother thought he did nothing, and said that everything he did do went unnoticed.

I told him that if you want recognition for things, sometimes you have to tell people. I was very stressed out when we lived together as I was working and studying full time. I often had a lot on my mind, so sometimes things did go unnoticed. If I realised he did something, I would thank him. If he cooked me dinner, I was always appreciative.

This brought on the whole communication issue. For myself, I find it difficult to talk about my feelings as I've been conditioned that way since I was a child. I've never had someone to talk to so I bottle up my feelings, letting them out in tears or anger. That's just how I've coped my whole life, and to have someone come into my life and demand that I tell them things, well... there's going to be a bit of an adjustment period. With that, comes the dilemma that my SO can't read my mind, so I need to speak up - which I've slowly been learning to do.

I spoke of how I felt we didn't have any romance in our relationship. With this came the understanding that we both have different ideas of what romance is. I didn't realise this was something we'd never spoken about before. Me, being a girl, wants the cliche romantic movie romance. I want flowers, I want little notes around the house, I want things done for me. My love language is action (and he knows this). He wants lying in bed talking about nothings, hugs, kisses, go for walks in the park type romance. He doesn't consider a movie and dinner as a "date night", just something fun to do. I felt though that he doesn't want to compromise on his idea of romance.

I'll admit in the past, I have thought a few times that I deserve better, but hold out on the thought that we'll learn from our mistakes, that he'll change and we'll and grow together as a couple. I love him so much, I hate to think that I'd ever be without him. He knows me like no one else on this earth does. He has loved me through everything... no one else would put up with my bullshit.

Anyway, we talked about every single problem we've had. It was all laid out on the table. We spoke for 4 hours. There were tears from both sides. I've never heard him cry like that before. It was a heaving, can't catch your breath cry. It broke my heart so much that I cried with him (I'm crying as I type this, it's still fresh in my memory). He was deeply deeply sorry for being a "shitty" person and asked me why I put myself through that. I told him I loved him. I'm not going to give up on him.

This is the first serious relationship for both of us. I figure we've still got a lot to learn.