Hmm... what can I say? I know I said in my last blog that things would be more positive, but I may have jinxed myself by speaking too soon. I feel like I don't have much of a relationship with my SO anymore. Its not that we don't love each other - we do. We just have not had good communication since he moved out a month ago. Our text conversations are dull, all we talk about is our day and lives and its boring, to be honest.
WARNING - LONG RANT INCOMING!
We can't skype. The internet in that house is useless, he can only get a good signal on his phone in the bathroom, of all places. I don't really want him to have to sit in the bathroom just to talk to me. The last time we tried, I spent the better part of 2 hours asking him "what?" and to repeat himself because he kept cutting out or disconnecting. I got so frustrated with the whole situation that he thought I was angry with him (I wasn't) and I asked if we could just text chat instead, because video chatting was getting us nowhere.
He tells me how much he loves me all the time.. and that's great and all, but it doesn't make up for the fact that I don't feel connected to him anymore. He goes to bed when I'm just getting home from work. He goes out with friends a lot when I'm home. I want him to have friends, don't get me wrong. I'm just so fucking over not being able to talk and enjoy my time with him. We used to play online games together, watch our favourite shows the day they came out, share links to cool stuff. I miss that.
Oh and did I mention that yesterday he broke the screen of the phone I sent him and its not even been 2 weeks since he got it?
I know he was counting on me going there for our next visit, but it just isn't possible. I've only been at my job 3 months, so my boss said no to time off. He also shares a room with his best friend, and theres a bunch of other guys there. I don't want to stay in a house full of guys and I don't want to fork out money to stay in a hotel for 2 weeks. Whereas he works for his grandpa, whom I've met, and supports our relationship. He would let him take a couple of weeks off to see me.
We talked about how much he would need to come here. He mentioned that he still also has to pay for a ring. To be honest I was disappointed, because I thought that would be the first thing he would buy, just to get it out of the way. (we have already spoken about engagement, supposed to be happening this coming visit).
He needs to find a new job, because he isn't saving money. He knows this. Whether he is applying for anything, I don't know. He tells me that he is sick of not being able to save and that he feels like the wheels aren't turning but I feel like he is not trying hard enough. He is a very talented man with many abilities, but he just doesn't fucking do anything with what he has! It drives me nuts!! He has such charisma and way with talking to people that he would make an awesome sales man, or he could work in customer service, or something. He just doesn't want to do those jobs. Ugh.
At this point I don't know what to do. I don't want to get married if he is not willing to step up financially. I do not want to be the breadwinner. He has insurance money coming to him when he turns 25, but I don't want that to be an excuse for him to not do anything, as it has been before.
I just want a relationship where things are how I feel they should be, where he buys me flowers and dinner and gifts just because, instead of me being the one to do that. I'd love for him to do little things for me. I can only really think of one occasion where he's made me feel special. With him its a lot of talk, and no action. Tells me how much he loves and cares about me, but then doesn't do much to show that.
I always do things for him and I put a lot of time, effort and money into those things and don't really get much in return. It makes me feel unappreciated. It hurts and it makes me less affectionate towards him, which in turn causes him to be insecure and needy. Vicious cycle. This isn't how I imagined our relationship to be.
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I think you could both benefit from reading about "the 5 languages of love" ever heard about it? it can be an amazing tool to communicate better, compare results and a lot of things will make sense after that, I promise.
I wish you the best of luck, all these things (financial stuff, expectations, etc.) are very important to discuss before an engagement, don't keep it to yourself.
We have also done the love languages (mine is acts of service), which he doesn't do, and his was either physical touch or words of affirmation, which i don't want to do if he's not doing anything for me. lol. vicious cycle, again. we're both selfish in that sense, which I know I need to work on. but again, I feel that i give, give, give, and don't get much in return.
I spoke to him today about a lot of what I wrote in this blog and he was upset. I went through his finances with him and we came to the conclusion that he only has $400 a month to spare after all his finances, which isn't a whole lot. I told him he needs to find another job otherwise we're never going to get anywhere. I told him I feel neglected and he said he wasn't aware he made me feel that way and was sorry, but doesn't know what he can do to fix it.
We're seeing if he can stay at his grandparents one night a week so that we can skype. They're only in the next town over.
We also had problems because of the shitty conection... calls always dropped, the image of the video wasn't clear, grrr I hated that... but it was my modem, so I fixed it. I bought me a new modem, and paid for a faster conection. Now, look at us, we're happier cuz we can skype, videochat, and do our things.
He should really really fix that!
My boyfriend is like yours, he isn't good at giving gifts grrrrrr...
But I think we should learn that men are not women, and that they show their love different. My boyfriend doesn't buy me expensive gifts like my ex boyfriends used to do... but he does other things for me, small things like passing me the towel when I am about to finish shower, making a cup of coffee for me, picking me up at work, he covers me with the comforter when I'm cold, sings for me before sleeping, gives me flowers he picks on the road, he always pays the food when we go out etc. He's so sweet and I can feel his love.
Of course I wish he gave me more expensive gifts lol, mmm oh once he bought me a pair of shoes, they were only 12euros, but his intention counts a lot to me.
I know he can only give me this, because that is what he has at the moment. He's going trough financial problems too, and it's difficult, but you have to learn to be a little supportive...
Maybe I don't care much about money, not now, cuz I have a hippie spirit lol, and for me, as long as we're together, don't cheat, have a commited relationship, we have food, and a good cup of coffee together, I'm happy... but maybe your interests are different.
I have told my bf that 2 years from now I would like to have a nice wedding and move to a nice appartment, but we both will work to get that and save money for that.
Just talk to your boyfriend, be honest, try to use the right words, don't be mean, cuz he could feel down if you tell him he isn't good enough for you. Put pressure a bit, but be nice. Make him open his eyes with the right words and he will change for you. I hope everything gets better for you two guys.