I remember turning to Obi periodically. He admitted when he didn’t know what to say to comfort me, and always tried none the less, and he understood why I wasn’t online much. We emailed instead.
During this period he wrote letters to my sister, and she sent him photos of all three of us.
Eventually mum got out of hospital and moved in with my sister, things settled down, and problems within my relationship mattered again. I told “V” I was moving out – getting away from his ex – and gave him the option to come with me. We ended up moving into mum’s empty house, she didn’t even charge us rent. And it was horrible. He treated me very badly and belittled my family despite mum’s generosity. He went to his wife’s everyday to look after her (she was disabled) while his daughter went to school and I would spend all that time with Obi – unless he wasn’t home, then I’d visit my sister and mum. It was nice, but it couldn’t last.

Things got really serious with Obi. I started asking questions like “what am I to you?” and wanting to define the relationship. I desperately wanted him to ask me to leave “V”, to give me the strength, but he was above that. We agreed that we would never put the potential we had for a relationship before any opportunity or person we met in real life... and secretly that really really hurt me. He was too practical and nice. He didn’t want to get hurt... he always told me that one day he would come to Australia and meet me in person, but if he ever actually looked at flights, he never mentioned it. It was kind of like when little kids say they want to be firemen when they grow up.

I don’t remember now what set it off, but I managed to break up with “V”. It was emotionally very painful. I knew the relationship was bad for me, I knew I deserved better, but at the same time I was very young and I was losing my first real relationship. I told Obi about it and warned that I wouldn’t have the net again for a very long time, and I gave him a friend of mine’s contact details because she had the net, so he could get updates, and of course we would write. It was during this time apart that he made me a video letter. “V” took me to my sister’s place, saying that I needed comfort at this time and my family would be the best to provide that. He talked to my mum while I spoke with my sister in a different room. Somehow they convinced us to stay together when all I really needed was a strong person to help me get away from this man. I’d done it, I had the courage to get out! But now mum had him promising to put me before his ex and my family telling me you can’t run away from relationships just because you’re having problems.
I was very ashamed to tell Obi that I’d caved in and it took me a while to do it, and then “V” and I moved into a new place, all rented in my name, and the freedom was heady. Once the net got connected again I’m sure Obi’s disappointment in my weakness was equalled to his happiness that we could chat everyday again. But somehow I got in even deeper with him. He’d leave his computer running all night so I could leave him messages, back in the day before msn even had an offline message function. He said he liked waking up to me.

He dubbed it the merry-go-round. We were going in circles, unable to commit to each other, me unable to leave “V”, and yet still unable to stop emotionally investing in each other. I can’t remember when exactly the phone calls started. He might have called me once or twice before we moved out of mum’s house. There weren’t many phone calls, less than ten all up, but they made me scared and giddy and even more in love. I remember sneaking over to mum’s empty house in the middle of the night, to call Obi early Christmas morning. (I didn’t want the international charge showing up on my phone bill encase “V” checked it, and mum knew I’d pay her back. ) I called for Valentine’s Day too.
He called me a few times, and it was awkward when “V” was home. I called Obi my “little net boyfriend” and it was probably obvious that something was going on, but “V” never tried to stop me talking to him. He just grew to hate him. I remember sitting on the floor with the phone cord stretched as far away from “V” as possible, trying to understand Obi’s thick accent. And I remember the day he called me and sang to me over the phone. The fact he couldn’t sing worth a damn didn’t matter. He fully had my heart on that day. I still often look back to it. I still play the song to remember.

Some months passed. With encouragement from my sister and Obi I went back to high school to finish it, because looked like mum was in the clear. But, on her birthday, when she was expecting the news of being in remission, we found out she had 15 new tumours and there wasn’t anything anyone could do for her now. Before she told my sister, she made her fulfil her dream of moving to the city three hours away, so now it was my turn to look after mum as she fought, and that took priority over everything. Soon though, things with Obi were becoming too much. I didn’t think I’d ever have the strength to leave “V” and I knew being with Obi was intellectually cheating, so I decided to give “V” my best effort, and that meant breaking up with Obi. We’d tried to get off the merry-go-round several times but it just hadn’t worked. So, I broke his heart.
I told him he was immature and selfish, and not what I wanted out of my life. I told him he wasn’t my special person and that he never would be. He let off steam about things I’d done wrong to him too, that I regretted for the longest time, until I met him in person and apologised to his face. And then I blocked him, and took time away from my computer so I wouldn’t feel tempted to contact him.
Mum got steadily worse, but she continued having cancer treatments to get as much time as she could. They told her she’d only last six months, but she just kept hanging on. I started doing really badly in school because of the combined stress of grief and the bad relationship, and we moved house again. Both mum and I tried to have “V” accepted as part of the family but he insisted they were bad people and pushed me to have as little contact as possible, especially with my sister, because he knew how much influence she had over me. I all but cut contact with her, and she with me, because he would treat her so badly when we saw her and he screened all my calls. About 4 -6 months after I cut contact with Obi I cautiously unblocked him, and we started talking. He had a girlfriend, so I considered it safe to talk to him. He wasn’t a bad person like me, he wouldn’t cheat or even stretch the boundaries of the relationship he was in. So we hung out and gave each other relationship advice. I was happy when the relationship fell through though.