I'm a lot less stressed now. I just wish my body coped better with the workload. I'm sick yet again. I'm fed up with walking in the rain.My house is a bomb. Sometimes I do so well... but others I just don't have it in me. I need to get it clean before Thursday, because that's when my family land. ^^ So freaking excited, you have no idea. It will have been exactly 11 months and one day since I saw them last, and I tell you I felt every second of it. It's worth it, for sure. But damn. It makes flying home feel that much closer too, which is nice but scary. It's going to suck seeing Obi have to struggle through that adjustment the way I did at the beginning of this year... setting ourselves up again and all that.
Ugh, my guts
Why do they hurt so much? These pills treat me badly... but I'm still scared it's something more sinister. Best not to worry over it for now. I'll know in time, and I'll deal with it... but still *nagging away in the background*I love Obi. When I got home I knew a nap was immanent.. and I was just laying there thinking about him.. I sent a text "I love just laying in your bed thinking about you. You're the best thing that has ever happened to me xx" I really meant it too
He wrote back "I think that's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me *Bushes*". It was nice.Speaking of the devil, he just phoned me. And now I'm crying. I know I'm just tired and frustrated and sick. But arhg!!! He doesn't get that I'm not going to play games with him, that I don't hint if I want something. I don't have an underlying motive. He asked how work was and I was honest. I told him today was really hard, and that I don't know if I work tomorrow or not and that I'm frustrated. That I need the day off to rest and clean up. He's like "We can clean up some tonight" and I told him that it's not likely from me. I don't have it in me and he'll be lucky if I can summon enough energy to make him dinner, nevermind anything else.
His solution "I can't cook when I get home."
Me: "That's not what I mean. I have ideas and I will try to make it happen, I'm just saying that I'm tired."
Him: "Well you don't have to wait for me. You can eat now, or have a snack."
Me: "What has that got to do with anything?" (I know I'm allowed to eat when he's not home, and I do. I start getting annoyed by this time.)
Him: "Well you're obviously tired because you haven't eaten, so if you eat you'll have more energy." Great. Go assume things. Thanks.
Me: "I have eaten. I'm tired because I work hard."
Him: "Well maybe you should have a nap then." Yes.. because the text I sent didn't indicate at all that I was in bed at the time. /sarcasm.
Me: "I had a nap earlier actually."
Him: "Oh well that's it then. That's why you're so tired." Now I'm quite angry.
Me: "No I'm tired because I work hard!"
Him: "Sometimes I get more tired after a nap..."
Me: "Listen, I'm about to hang up on you, you're really annoying me. Can we drop it?"
I'm not hinting that he should make dinner. I'm not hinting that I'm annoyed he'll be late yet again. I'm not asking him for anything. Why doesn't he get that? I know men instinctively try to fix things but grrrr.
Dear gods! Sometimes I wish that he'd actually go and get a nice blue-collar labour job so he could have a freaking clue! Yes, he works a lot longer hours than I do, and I respect that. I take care of most domestic things in respect for that. But he also gets more breaks than I do and sits on his goddamned arse all day. He also has a far longer commute than I do - but none of it is actually on foot. He sits on his bum and the bus does the work while he catches up on sleep - yet he will make unwelcome comments if I nap a couple of days in a row. I get up when he does and I go to bed when he does - regardless of if I work, even though I could easily sleep the extra hour and get to work on time - to help him get ready and to see him off and all that. I try really hard, even when I don't always succeed. I do my best to make sure he's happy and he gets enough leisure time, even when it means I'm pulling more than my own weight. And I let the fact he's tired make our sex life damn near non existent because he's tired... but if I'm tired after work? God forbid!
Sorry about the impromptu rant right there. I guess I better go cook his dinner now.
It's funny how hard it is to get things smooth when you're together as opposed to apart, isn't it. I know Matt and I had to adjust to being able to communicate in person during our two months together. Maybe it's the same sort of thing. It looks like you're each searching for the right key phrase to stick in each other's google box to have some understanding from the outside. Hope that makes sense.