So this is just an update blog. What's been happening?

Well, I guess I'll start last Saturday. Seeming Friday had been a complete bust I woke up Saturday still feeling like the world was ending. This usually doesn't happen to me. "It's always better in the morning" is usually the truth in my world. Not this time. Obi and I woke up slowly together and that helped a bit, but I would have still sent out a round of phone calls telling people "I cancel dress shopping today." That would have been mighty slack seeming these people are making a huge effort for me. But, before that was to happen we had to drive out of town to pick up my engagement ring. The jeweler didn't want to resize it and had instead said he'd put two little nubs on the bottom, either side of where the fleshy part of the finger rests and apparently this would stop it spinning. Well that was good in theory and I could see the logic. But the spacer I'd been using was pretty big, so I knew the nubs would need to be pretty big too.
Anywho, he gives me my ring back and it looks like it has hockey teeth - no biggie, no one sees it anyway. The ease which I slid the damn thing onto my finger alerted me to the fact that this wasn't going to work, and Obi saw it too. We had a moment of silent communication, but I tried to give this idea a go. I really wanted it to work, to be my magic fix.
as soon as I moved my hand though flop flop swing turn the nubs weren't doing dick. I knew the week before I should have just followed my instinct and forced a re-size, but the guy made me feel like I was stupid and that I didn't know what I was talking about so I went with his idea because I was afraid it'd then be too small and I wouldn't be able to wear it.

I also noticed one of the nubs were sharp and when the ring moved it would scratch me. Great. I was so upsett I just left the shop without saying anything because I knew I was going to cry or possibly become abusive.

So, that made us both feel like crap. Me because I figure my SO should know me well enough to realise that this is exactly the type of jewelery I don't wear. I don't like tall flashy high maintenace things that don't correspond to my practical lifestyle. (He knows this because for our one year he gave me a beautiful but fragile locket that very quickly lost the photos on the inside because it wasn't waterproof and is now covered in dents because my cat was playing with it - I've always let messiah amuse himself with my necklaces because usually it's solid and he can't damage it. Well, this one obviously wasn't up for that. I asked him several times to please think of the practical side before buying me any more jewelery. I'm not a girly girl.)
And he felt bad because he'd given me something very sentimental, beautiful and valuable, and it was obvious I was getting very close to outright hating the thing.

Yes, it's nice. But it's not ME. It's not what I wanted. I felt around when he proposed to me to see if there was actually a chance he'd let me take it and exchange it for something smaller, but his response told me that he'd be crushed and it was better to never mention it again. So I dropped it.

Anyway, we got back home and Michelle, Ryan and Dee were at our kitchen table (we left the door open) and Mom was on her way. Off for dress shopping.

As soon as I saw the dresses in the window I again wanted to run away and hide. But we were here, we'd follow through. I think I tried on upwards of ten dresses. It was a nightmare. I don't like people looking at me, and then I start to panic and my brain goes blank. I can't even remember what most of the dresses looked like. But I could tell most of them were terrible. We had one appt with a consultant. She was lovely, but either that shop had no good dresses or she had no skill. One or the other. Anyway, the first dress was nice, the second was good, and the rest went down hill from there. I was trying to figure out how I could tactfully get myself out of this situation when she brings up a mermaid dress that the skirt is all ruffles. I'd said at the start no ruffles. I couldn't stop laughing. It was the most god-awful thing in the world. I told her flat out I hated it. For some reason I put it on anyway. I laughed even more. I can not say enough to decribe how much this dress did not suit me. I think it was Michelle who commented that I looked like a cake. Mom said then "I think she's had enough, we're done here." Thank god. Next time I'm going to have a secret "save me" hand gesture or something.

Anyway then we discovered consignment. I don't even know who picked the dress I tried on there. I know I must have agreed to it, but I don't remember ever seeing it on a hanger. Whatever, someone had good taste. It was lovely. I knew that I could pull it off if I chose to wear this one. It's a similar style to formal thinkg I've worn in the past. It wasn't what I had my heart set on, but it had a lot of the qualities I was looking for - lace, straps, beadwork, definitive wasteline, etc. So I stared at it for a little while, trying to notice details as well as the overall effect... and then I turned around and realised I had an audience and it was all over for me. After that I tried hard to assess this dress properly but my brain was freaking out. They all said lovely things about me, which was nice. But still... shoo! you know?

It was a long day. Dinner and games afterward were fun though Thank you guys!

By the time we put ourselves into bed I was feeling pretty flat though. It had been a long uncomfortable day. Everyone swears that they weren't bored shitless, but I don't know how they couldn't be. The dress fiasco was my idea of a nightmare! I'm glad I have such great friends to support me though.

Sunday was better. I worked, but it was easy work and I had a lot of energy. We knocked off at the ideal time - 3pm. And I had the arvo to spend with Obi. We did our monthly finances, which made me feel positive, played some WoW, talked. It was nice. I was glad we opted out of "family night" even if I did miss out on yorkies.

For some reason yesterday I just didn't have it in me. You get days where you just feel weak and tired for no reason? That was me. It was a long work day. Once again I got nothing done when I got home. I irritate the shit out of myself, seriously, but I was tired and tired = lazy. To make my day even better, Obi worked some more random overtime that he wont be paid for and he's not allowed to have his early day this week, so we were both unhappy about that when he finally did get home and it ruined most of our night together. *Sigh* We don't have a good solution to this yet, so it's likely to continue to be a problem.

I'm betting he'll be late again tonight, but I'm trying to make myself ok with that, so we'll see how it goes. I've come a long way in the past year. Maybe in a couple more I wont care when or how long he works? Maybe I'll just get over it. Not sure I like that idea either though. Whatever

I know I'm getting bitter about work again. About six months ago we agreed that come Feb, if he was earning enough or had gotten his loans out of the way I could drop down to working two days a week and write full time. I now know that's not going to happen. Probably not until after I bear our first kid. And then what? I'm a stay at home mum and I write when the brat is napping? *rubs face* This is a probalem for another day. I need to just get over the fact that I wont always get to choose how my life goes and suck it up.

And I need more tea. Let's start there. Have a good day peoples!