Legal
I'm at a standstill with the house stuff. Waiting on others. I'm terribly scared. I'm doing my best while feeling like I want to do nothing at all. I feel the deadline pressure. I feel my sister's stress as I edit her statements and proof read. I'm reliving the most painful period of my life over and over for several hours a day. And no body except my sister who is doing it too really gets that. It's HARD. My personal life at that time was a mess. What I did to my sister at that time I will never forgive myself for. I have so so so much guilt. Seeing Dickhead treating mum the way he did, having to remember and write it all down, remembering the pain and fights as I watched him letting her starve, keeping her in filth, remembering all the times she just tried to do right by everyone. Remembering that last horrible month where he tried to play my family against itself, to break us apart when we needed to stick together, when he deliberatly started a confrontation in front of mum that left her in tears... I miss her so much. And I'm so angry, I know she didn't want this! I know how important it was to her for us to have that house.
With the other legal stuff, for Obi's visa, progress is slow but we're getting there. We have our celebrant now (he actually really liked one that I'd completely dismissed off hand and she got back to us within 8 hours, is cheaper than the competition, and even plays the harp. woo.) and she's working with us on the visa stuff. We have to get our NOIM signed by an Australian consulate here, then scan + email it to her to be signed and lodged, and then she'll write the necessary letter for the visa. Other things are moving along on that front too. Slowly, painfully slowly, but they are. He's lodging his passport renewal today. I need to write out a letter explaining how I plan to support him and where we will live when we get there. I should do that today. So, it goes.
<Warning, female issues!!> The stress has gone far enough now that I'm having almost daily breakthrough bleeding. That scares me. I don't think it means I'm ovulating or anything, but we'll have to start using condoms just to be safe, and I hate that. Looking forward to a period to reassure myself that I'm not brewing a little bastard child. <end womens issues>
Friends
Some of you probably remember me mentioning Celtic. I lived with and worked for her for nearly a year as a maid/nanny, and she packed Obi's and my stuff up and dumped it out of her house, eviting us when we were away, causing us a lot of problems. Well, I contacted her for a statement for the legal stuff, and she did it faster than anyone else, she was right on the ball with it, and she also offered to fill a statutory declaration for Obi's visa. Which was surprising but very appreciated - those things are a pain to get. But, now she seems to think we're friends again. Everyone is strongly against this. Especially the two most important people in my life. I don't want to go offending her until I have that stat dec, so I'm not saying anything, but it's hard at the same time. I'm not really able to hold a grudge against anyone. It's not in my nature. The past is the past. I know she'll just do something nasty to hurt me/us again if I let her back into my life - I intellectually don't want to be friends again. But, I still kinda miss her after all this time. She was my best friend, and we are both horribly nasty narky people. I can express that side of myself around her, and there's never a problem. We also share the same faith and that's created bonds that are difficult for me to shake off.
All in all, it's confusing and uncomfortable. Almost forbiden fruitish. Why am I attracted to friendships that are bad for me?
Love
Save the best for last eh?
Things with Obi have been really great. We're making wedding invitations together, having fun hanging out, he's been a rock with all my mood swings. And he keeps talking about babies. It's.. It's weird. It's very not Obiish. Maybe he's finally ready, or feels he will be. But we have a boys name and a girl's name, and the way he speaks is like they are already real children. He's compromised with me, and will let me have three if the time comes and I still want a third. (I wanted four, he wanted two) He's just... he makes me very happy, he's understanding. And it's nice to see that he's starting to anticipate and be excited about our "adult future". We talk about how we want to raise them and serious stuff, but we also joke alot about how they will be perfect. I tell him if they are not I will drown them in a bucket and we'll try again, and he tells me the moment I fall pregnant he will destroy all our buckets.
He's also enthusiastic about going home. I had some real concerns because the last visit was at times a nightmare, but he says he doesnt remember the bad things he was complaining about he looks back and sees we had a great time in a beautiful country. The only things that are bad in his mind is the cost of living and the bugs. He's ready for the adventure
And that's my life story.
"stressed but content" I like that!
you guys are gonna be so happy in Australia <3
ps lmao at the bucket joke