While I was at work today, one of the guests had left their TV on and an add for world vision was playing. I let it run. It was one of those ones where you see the villages, kind of like a documentary more than an advertisement. And, yes I could see the techniques they were using to market to people. I see it, but it's not like when someone trys to sell you a security system or something... like, it's probably good they guilt trip people.

Sponsoring a child is something I've always wanted to do. Not through world vision necessarily, but it's important to me. Randomly it comes to haunt me even if I don't see this crap on the telly. It's who I am.

Back in 2005 I had signed up with Plan. They gave me a young girl who's story wasn't quite as heart wrenching as those on TV, but whatever. A person who genuinely needed help.
A lovely lady with a thick British accent had come to my door, and I listened. I always listen, because I've done door-to-door work and it sucks balls. I'm pretty good at saying no though. But this time, I didn't want to say no. I think we sat on my front step for at least two hours. She wouldn't have been much older than me, (I was 17 at the time) but she knew so much. I thought hard before I signed up, and I asked "P"'s permission, because of course I didn't have a credit card. He didn't like it, but he let me do it. Probably didn't want to seem like an arsehat infront of the nice lady. Anyway, I signed up and was happy.

He was very very unhappy though. He made me pay for joining up (I don't mean the money. Yes, it was all my money, but I mean he truly made me suffer for it.). It was terrible. I felt so aweful. Yes, I was on social security. Yes, we were poor as dirt. At that stage we were borrowing Mum's house to live in. I was supporting us both on my youth allowance because he was giving his entire pay to his defacto/ex. (Long story, not going there.) But, I could afford $30 a month. Hell, most people can, they just don't want to.

Anyway, Plan took their first payment out of his account before I'd even found out who my child was, and that sent him crazy with anger. It made sence to me that it would happen. Perhaps the profile was in the post, perhaps it was an admin fee. Who cares right? Well he did.
I think I may have gotten two payments out before he forced me to cancel my sponsorship. It wasn't worth the hell he was giving me. Sometimes I still feel guilty for wanting to give my money away. It's dumb. Which might be why I haven't spoken to Obi about sponsoring for a long time. I'm not ready to defend myself. I don't even know if he'd have a problem with it. He's got a good heart. But, we need the money too. I've struggled to make my rent a few times in the past 6 months - though I always manage. But, we could find the money if we care enough to. We could stop playing WoW (though, I'm using free time atm woo!). Or we could cut down on the more expensive foods we like. (I'd say "we can stop going out" but we already have to save for the move and the wedding) And really, all the money for the wedding.... what's my wedding compared to the livelyhood of 10 million children who are going hungry? I could help ONE at least.

I know I wont do it yet though. Not with so many other things on my plate. It wouldn't be a smart move right now. But that annoys me too. It's like having kids - you're never going to be financially "ready", there just comes a point where you suck it up and do it. But maybe Obi will buy me a little girl or boy for Christmas? (It sounds bad, but you know what I mean!) By then we should be in our own place. Most of the money for the wedding will be saved up. We wont be moving countries for another three years. We'd be as ready as we're ever likely to be.

And, there wouldn't be the risk of my being forced to cancel within a few months. I feel terrible for that, even after all this time. How sad must have they felt? They've just gotten a sponsor, some hope for the future, just to have that person bail on them almost straight away? Terrible.

It's odd though, I was always raised with the words "We need to take care of the people closer to home first." But now I just can't agree with that. I mean yes, there are homeless people in Australia, people living below the poverty line (been there, done that), people in the underclass who seriously need help... BUT! We have really decent gvernment initatives for these people. A whackload of community resources. I honestly believe if they want to clean their lives up they can. We've done what we can, and besides, I'll pay tax and that helps them too. (Though, I've thought of sponsoring a child through the smith family - they help Aussie kids who don't have the money for basic things, kids in broken homes, single/sole parents - and that's basically my life story right there, so I'd be happy to help. But I cant help but think the money is better spent in a different country where it's worth a heck of a lot more.)

Now I'm with Obi I look at the world differently too. The world isn't that big at all. You can love people you've never met. You can have real relationships with people you've never met. The world is my home, not just Canada or Australia. I don't believe globalization will eradicate culture....

I had a neat idea though. I'd love, one christmas when they are old enough to understand, to sponsor a child for each of my own kids to communicate with. I think it would be a good experience for them and they'd learn a lot. And if they have enough of me in them, they'll sleep better at night because of it too!

Anyway, those are my thoughts for the day. Leave yours too if you like