Gods, I feel so selfish for even thinking I can write this, that I can complain here.

I've got so many mates who are having hard times right now, and I can't even bring myself to send them nice messages to perk them up. I read, blogs, facebook, offline messages because they think I'm not there... but I just, I don't have anything. It's not even that I don't care, I do. It's like I'm tired, except I know I'm not.

So, here's how things have been...

I'm not really back on the forum. I could drift away again at any moment. And that's selfish too right? Yeah I know.

Today my sister is going in for a court mediation for the house stuff (for those of you that remember what that shit is all about). I should be there. This is my house too. Mum did her a disservice by putting all this on her shoulders. I was supposed to be home in Feb. Then I made no money over winter, and tickets were never booked. Then, Obi had his court stuff booked for may and couldn't leave the countey. Then it took us SO FUCKING LONG to submit the damned visa application. Yeah we've booked tickets now, but if he doesn't get that visa in time (and statistically, he wont. We're flying on luck.) we go back to long distance. Great.
Anyway, that's a tangent. All these things mean I'm not home today, for my family, like I should be. Once again.

I can hardly stand myself right now.