Part of me was already feeling bad. I feel a bit used. This next part will be TMI and is not fine for people under the age of 18 and all that. Look away until the next bolded section.
So, like many women that few days at the end of my period I'm as horney as a three-balled tom cat in the mating season. It's like two days, three at the most. And Obi knows about it.
Friday night I was still down for maintenance, so I fulfilled my end of things to celebrate blowjob week, because that's just how it is. He puts up with my pms, I give him a "happy ending" blowjob. That fine. I went all out for him this time. It took me an hour and a half. I used every trick in my book and discovered a few new ones. That's dedication really. Anyway so he's been all over me like a rash, touching kissing biting, rubbing himself against me when no one is looking and whispering dirty things in my ear. So I really thought it was going somewhere and sunday night would be wonderful.
We went paintballing, which I'll tell you about in a minute, so when we were in bed I asked if he was too sore for fun. He misunderstood, and thought I was asking if his.. uh.. systems were back online. (He has a much lower libido than I do, and is very sensitive. He has a "cool down" after orgasm that I do my best to respect.) He let me know he wasn't done cooling down, and that intercourse was out of the question. Alright, that's fine.
He also said that he should get a good night sleep for work in the morning, but after that said I could read to him for 20 minutes or so, and he also said he wasn't that tired - so I figured the sleep wasn't a pressing issue. It was a "like" not a "need" kind of thing. So I let it be known that just because he can't have sex doesn't mean he can't do things to me. And so he gave that a half arsed effort for a little while but it never went anywhere. It stayed at stage one, and then he stoped and snuggled down for sleep. Now often this is fine. Nine times out of ten oral or touching doesn't lead anywhere and we try to make that clear to each other at the start so no one gets disapointed. But this time I didn't think that was fair. I needed something. So I thought maybe if I could rev him up a bit he'd care a little bit more about how I felt and maybe give me that something. So I rolled onto my sore side and touched him for a while. Then he lets me know if I want to give him oral I can. Uhm, excuse me?
I reminded him he'd said he's out of order and explained that I'm just trying to rev him up and make him care a bit because he might be down, but my systems are online fine. And then he's like "I want to sleep now" and he was anoyed with me for not letting him. And I'm like hey, isn't that a bit selfish? Two nights ago I blew you for an hour and a half -and there's been SO MANY times I've needed to sleep before work and he's litterally just climbed on me and gone for it and I've been stuffed the next day, but that's fine isn't it because it's just Miriam. - yet with all that he can't give me half an hour of effort when I'm climbing the walls?
And, I couldn't even do it myself. If he knocks me back and then I masturbate he feels like less of a man if he's in the room. This is his parents house I can't just go to the loungeroom or something. And if he leaves the room he's not sleeping is he? So he could be in the room doing it for me which is preferable. I tell him this and he's like "I'm not here all the time, you can do it while I'm at work". Uhm, fuck you. I'm like yeah easy for him, with no libido to speak of! Waiting til tomorrow isn't a big deal to him because his hormones never spike or any of that shit. And I told him that too. Often I'll share a feeling with him and he just doesn't respond at all. That makes me feel even worse. I told him that too.
We talked a bit more and he's like "I'll do my best to satisfy you..." (in response to something I'd said) and I'm like "Starting tomorrow I assume?" and he laughs, agrees with me and settles in to sleep. I laid awake for hours feeling like shit. I feel used. and like he doesn't care. And I told him that too, but I guess it doesn't matter right?
End of whinge, safe to read again
So today I'm sore! People always talk about the bruises you get from paintball. I always thought they were just wimps. No, they aren't kidding. I have purple spots with two inch or more diameters all over my body. I also got a split lip (even though I was wearing a mask. That paint tastes awful by the way) and bled in two other places. It's a rough game. But fun!
It wasn't as fun as I'd expected, I always thought it'd be even better than laser tag, but it wasn't. Though getting so damn dirty was great! And I'm a slightly better shot with a paintball gun than a lazer. But yeah, the teams were very uneven in terms of skill and gear and there were a few jerks that made it less enjoyable.
I had a long session of yoga thismorning to work out all the kinks though, so I'm only really sore where I was actually hit
The thing that prompted me to write today was just disapointment. Tomorrow Obi has to take the day off work to see the doctor (get some things done before going home where he wont have medical) and I was going to take him to his birthday event after that. Well turns out that this place only opens week days on the holidays, so we can't do it. However, that's been solved while I've written. Tomorrow I'll take him go-karting (woo) and then Sunday we'll do the original plan (mokido) and thursday of course I'll take him to dinner. I spoil people for their birthdays lol. So that perks me up a bit.
Still feeling used, unloved and fucking horny though.