I will blog less once I get home, I promise! Just put up with me for two more days.

This blog post is spurred by our conversation in the hot tub last night. First some back ground: We were both fairly angry and frusterated when we got in the hot tub. Mom has been in top form for irritation. (Which we discussed. Basically she knows I'm leaving, and being as annoying and rude as possible is her version of being clingy or something.) Yesterday I managed to avoid her for a lot of it, but by the time we all went to Grandma's for family night she was in top form and managed to ruin the evening for both of us, and possibly the other people there. Let me give you some snippets - She starts talking like a child and at the top of her voice; she says the most rediculous things and keeps repeating them until someone either yells at her to stop or agrees with her; she was sitting with her daughter at her feet at one point and Amanda's like "you can play with my hair" and for a while she does, and it's a nice quiet mother-daughter moment... but then all of a sudden mum realises she's not getting enough attention and starts pulling Amanda's hair, using her braid to wrench the girl's head around and such. Yes, I'm serious. At one point everyone was clustered around the stove in the kitchen (and I was praying really hard that she would keep her face shut and not say anything to Grandma about the fact that Miriam actually hates spaggetti.) getting their food, and she's standing behind me touching me, and poking me in the ribs on both sides simultaniously. I lost it a little at that point, turned and said "I am going to hurt you". This is not the first time I've had to give her a warning. Luckily she backed off, because if she hadn't stoped I would have lost my temper and hit her - and that's the last thing I'd want to do.

It's just constant childish behaviour. And I'm not the only one noticing it. At one point after we'd eaten Obi and I went to the kitchen to hide... and found Grandma hiding as well - she openly admitted it. Obi's two cousins also left early, one even stating that he'd reached his "Karen saturation point". Ugh.

So, anyway, we weren't in the best of moods when we got home. I'd asked him to refrain from speaking to me until I got ahold of myself. Back to the hot tub. We were talking about getting our wedding bands engraved - we have to send them in to the people who made them because their Tungsten steel. And we have a limit of 30 characters including spaces - and telling each other the ideas we'd come up with, from the deep to the funny.

His best idea was "Two worlds as one" - Because we're always saying "how is it in your world?" when we're LD and because sometimes it feels like our "worlds" are miles apart... and well they are lol. So it's nice, though not what we ended up agreeing on for my ring.

Some of my ideas were "+2 to all saves" (He's a D&D nerd) He said that he'd like me to get him another ring at some point with this on it, but he can't have that on his wedding band. And "I kissed you first"

As soon as I said the later he said "But you didn't" and that was a kick in the face. I explained that it was meaning that I'd taken the initative and kissed him before he kissed me (not to mention all the other things I took initative for that the bloke is supposed to do!) and even as I said it this look of horror comes over his face as mine crumples. "Besides" I said "I would have been first but you never came and saw me!" And then I cried, and I think he did a little too (though benifit of the doubt it might have been tub water on his face in streaks).

For years and years he promised to come to Australia to meet me. He never did. He drove all the way across Canada to meet the girl who came after me. He flew to America more than once to sleep with people there. But he "never bothered to come to Australia and screw me." All those times above mentioned he did have another reason to travel - it was for the furcons. Australia has furcons too (well, one ) and he could have made the trip for that. But he never did. I didn't even realise I was still holding a grudge for this. I told him how hurt I am that he gave all his firsts to other people - even though I was there before any of them. I loved him when he'd never been kissed, when the only boobs he'd ever seen where on his PC. And he had the money and the time to come see me, and knew he'd be welcomed. But he never did.

He told me I took his heart first. I guess I did at that. But then he did try and take it off me and give it to other people I'm his first long-term committed relationship. But it's a relationship he tried to avoid for the longest time. I'm so hurt that he never got to meet my Mum. It's one of my big regrets.

No use dwelling on shit that can't be changed though. After a while we made good with each other again, and we kept talking. For his ring we decided: "Closer than it seemed" which had been my original idea that I was afraid to sugest because it's terribly lame. (It's a response to a poem he wrote me in 2004 "Closer than it seems".)
And for me: "In your hand you hold my heart" because he used to tell me this when we were kids and it was always special to me. I have an obsession with hands.

Love love and Carrots!