This isn't just another whinny blog! Yay.

So as you all know, we're working on the house that Bec and I jointly inherited when mum kicked the bucket. We really roughed it this weekend. It was actually kind of great. I'm also a little glad Obi wasn't there. While I really think he needs to suffer and put his sweat in too, because my money is his and all (when we sell the house he benifits), I know he's a lot softer than us and putting up with his complaining would have driven me batty (though he swears he wont complain this time... we'll see lol).

But anyway, Chris could only stay for the saturday because he had OT on the Sunday, so most of the work was just Bec and I... alone... with nothing but her Iphone's music, and a lot of bad memories.

Frankly (oh no I feel a rant coming on!) I'm sick of hearing about how bad her childhood was. I know I've said this before feel free to skip ahead, but Obi's not here for me to complain to and I need to let it out. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Yes, mum did a lot of bad things to her. To both of us, but mostly her. I know. But it seems as the years turn more bad things supposedly happened. Mum never supported or encouraged her, she was always grounded and in trouble never had freedom, mum was always doing things for me not her, taking her money, abusing her blah blah. It's getting old. It's like she forgets I lived there too and I remember the good things - I remember the good things between them. But woe betide anyone who dares to say that!! Mum's dead, defending her isn't going to do anyone any good, so I'm not sticking my neck out for a useless cause, but lordy! Yes it was bad, but it was a long time ago. Move on. I managed it! I coped my share of physical and mental abuse too. I moved out young too. I lived in that filthy house and was ashamed too. I lived in fear and hunger and dirt and she said horrible things to me too. I spent years mutilating my body and not even realising that maybe my fucked up homelife might cause me to be unbalanced. But I got the fuck over it. I understand that mum was human, that she had a bad life and her cheese slid off the cracker a bit. I remember the good things she did for us girls, and half the kids in our neighbourhood. And just AHHH.

Ok ok, I think I'm good to follow the thought that lead me to blog now. I want to talk about opinions... because while we were alone all those hours I was reminded just how different our opinions truly are. Now, I don't think I'm right and she's wrong... I think we're just different. And I want to explore that. Healthy for all kinds of relationships, in my opinion anyway.

There's one difference to start with. I can't remember how it came up, but I was speaking with her about how Obi and I had discussed what we'd do if we had an accident - a whoopsiebaby. Apparently to her that's abnormal. There's no reason to talk about that. In my opinion, you shouldn't have sex if you're not ready to deal with the conciquences, even if condom + pill is pretty infalable. Completely different.

She also thinks that anyone who dislikes animals or children is inherantly damaged, is a bad person or has something very wrong with them. I think you can't make a blanket statement like that but then, I don't really like dogs, and I don't really like children. This is a major problem for her. Now, I would never complain about a person's children or pets when I was in their home, because I do have manners. But I think in the privacy of my own mind if I think your child is an undiciplined little shit, and that your dog smells bad and I don't want him sitting on my lap that's my right to hold that opinion, and that I'm not truly a bad person. Now, if I'm thinking of getting out an axe, that's different! Joking! (obviously)

Obi and I are planning to have kids, as you all know but none of our family know, immediatly following marriage if the Gods will. Now, because sometime in the past I mentioned I don't like kids, she's hell bent on me never having them. Or waiting til I'm like 35 because I'm obviously not patient enough - even though I raised someone else's child for just over half a year, and did just fine. She tells me frequently and loudly "Your children will be no different. Everyone thinks their kinds will be different - but they wont." Now, on a base level I agree with this. Children are difficult. Mother/father hood is the hardest job in all the world. With that said, I'm sure some studies have been done that prove we are wired to better put up with our own spawn, and that our hormones will help us not throttle them. Additionally, I can teach and discipline my children. Other children might be less annoying if their parents weren't letting the TV raise them. Maybe. But, if I say that, it's simply because I'm inherantly bad because I don't like children and I'm stupid and inexperienced.
For the record, she doesn't have kids either.

Many of our morals are off beat - like she prides herself on being accepting. She said to me that if she goes to her mates place and they are having a bong or snorting a few lines, that's their business and she wont judge them, etc. That it's nobody's business but theirs. They aren't hurting anyone. She's also adamant that most of my friends are probably doing recreational drugs and not telling me. Uh, likely not, they are all geeks and nerds like I am lol. I am strongly against drugs, obviously. I don't think they aren't hurting anyone. I don't think it's ok, and I wouldn't want my children exposed to it, and if they had children I'd bloody report them. Holding this view apparently makes me sheltered.

Somking (tabbaco) also doesn't bother her. She thinks no one has a right to complain about it. She used the line "it's not hurting anybody" on me (in regards to public smoking) and it was all I could do not to laugh. I'm one of those people who really detests smoking. If you want to do it, cool. In the privacy of your own home, no where near me - and no where near your children (I hated being a kid, stuck in a cloud of second hand smoke all the time. It was terrible. I'd even call it abuse in some instances.) But if it's in a public place - yes, you very well could be disturbing people, that shit spreads a long way and you're making people uncomfortable. We watched our mother die of cancer - but she still doesn't see smoking as a big deal (though thankfully she gave up, and has remained a non smoker for nearly a year.)

Along side her mocking people who fear second hand smoke, goes her mocking people who fear asbestos. Our house that we are renovating is built of this shit. I'd be lying if I said that didn't make me uncomfortable, and I'm very aware of it as we renovate. She thinks people who worry at all about it are morons. We work on it with no safety gear at all, drilling and sanding and whatever... now, when we were kids, I knew it was made of something bad, but it was never a big deal. I've drilled holes in the walls, helped/watched windows being installed, fixed panels of the stuff, been covered in it's dust... seen both mum and pop do the same. I once, with a bunch of other childen, was given a sledgehammer and allowed to go wild knocking down a house made of this shit. And... as far as I'm aware, I'm fine. Now I'm older, I leave the room when someone is drilling or whatever, and I don't mention my caution to her.

There just seems very little we agree on. I'm very gung-ho full honesty and disclosure in a relationship. She's all "protect yourself". She advises me to make sure Obi never knows exactly what I earn, and to keep a seperate savings account that he has no knowledge of. She's always telling me that you never really know a person and anyone who thinks they know their partner is deludeing themselves. Now.. I know she's kept some pretty huge secrets from partners in the past. Things that would instantly end the relationship. I don't agree with that - but I guess this and being cheated on several times is the basis of her jaded opinion. Or, maybe she's right and I'm just naieve. I know I can be very naieve

It's just interesting. It can also be very tiring, as she will belittle you if you don't agree with her. >.> But that's another thing isn't it?

I'm getting used to always having to watch what I say, but I still slip up! Like today she was getting a quote for some work on the house and the secretary asked her about her husband... later she asks me why everyone assumes her and Chris are married. I said "It's normal for people in your age group to be married. And it's safer for a stranger to assume you are married and treat you thus than risk insulting you if you are married by assuming you're dating". Well apparently that's the wrong answer. I think it's normal for a 25 year old to be married. Apparently I'm sheltered, despite the fact many of my friends are married and that I'll be married by the time I'm 25. But really, isn't it a compliment to assume you're committed for life rather than dating? Why is it a bad thing?

So, tell me your opinion, if you're still with me by this point. It can be about anything I've mentioned here or something else! I want to know what you think. It's hyjack Miri's blog day