Maybe it's because I'm down for maintenance, but some things my sister and her bf have been saying are starting to get to me.

I've been job hunting. I've applied for a range of things that I think I'd be able to do, even a couple of apprenticeships. It would be nice to have a ticket to fall back on, even if it isn't in a field I have a passion for. However, in more or less the same words, my family are telling me that I'm stupid and that Obi and I wont be able to survive in Sydney. It's very "better than thou". I'm sick of being told we're too young to know what we're doing/too inexperienced. I've been out of home for 9 years (Wow. now I feel old), I've held 4 rental leases in my name, I've lived overseas, I've never been in debt (And though it would have stung me badly, I could have paid the 10 grand my sister paid for me for the settlement with that dickhead), I can budget with the best of them. I hate how she thinks she's the only one who can meal plan and budget. I'd like to see her do that on a normal wage honestly, but I dare not say that!

But, now they've got me scared. What if whatever jobs Obi and I end up with aren't good enough to have us survive? I've been poor before. Very poor. So poor I unpluged my fridge to save electricity because there were only two or three items in there anyway. But Obi hasn't and he's frightened of ever being that way. He's never had to worry where the next meal was coming from. The times he's been unemployed I've been there to catch him.

Sydney is one of the most expensive cities to live in, in the world. But, for Obi to do his career job, we have to be in a major city (commuting would likely cost as much as the higher rent, in travel.) and Sydney is the only viable major city in Australia, because if we're going to be in this country, we're going to be near my family.

They've got me wanting to move back to Canada, where I know it's safe and the cost of living is low and where financially we could thrive.

Half the reason we're planning to be here so long is so that I can have babies. My support network is here. Except, my best friend/sister doesn't support the idea of me having kids at all. And now thinks I'm too incompetant to survive. >.> We want Obi to get citizenship (5 years) so we never have to worry about this visa shit again, so we could live here periodically, so the kids know my side of the family, and so they can complete highschool here, because from what I've seen Canada's highschools are a joke.

But, the more pressure they put on me, the more I second guess our ability to do this. The more settling in Canada and saying goodbye to my beloeved country seems like an option. Why don't they get that? Where do they think we're going to go if we can't make it in Sydney? Back to Canada, where they don't want me to be! And that's another thing that pisses me off! Bec's always like "Australia isn't that expensive a country to live in, it's not significantly worse than Canada". Of course it isn't.. now tell me why the immigration forms all say in nice bold letters that Australia is an expensive country to live in, if it isn't?

*Sigh* Why do I love this country so much? Why do I love my friends and family so much? Things would be easier if I'd just say goodbye for good.