Obi's gone away for thanksgiving, to his grandparents place. Family from out of province are coming down, ones I haven't met. He's a bit bummed about that - he likes showing me off to new people. He's at work right now, and he'll go straight from work to his sister's as she's driving him up. So, no talking tonight. Or tomorrow night. Or Monday night. He'll be back home sometime Tuesday afternoon my time, but he's not sure if he'll go to work late (it'll be monday for him) or just take the whole day off and work next Saturday. I assume he'll make time to see me regardless. Last time he wouldn't have bothered I think, but this time? This time everything is different.
Now, the annoyingly funny thing is that for a bunch of reasons, we're not working on the house this weekend. I have masses of free time I could be spending with him - but he's unaccesable. *rolls eyes* Good thing I have a sense of humour I tell you.
I have a flu too, thanks to my nephew. But I don't mind. I think it's cool to have a nephew to catch germs from.
I'm thinking a lot about how different it is, and apparently so is he. He mentioned it last night when we were skyping after D&D. Things that were exciting and fulfilling are now flat and a whole lot of effort. My internet is still shit, so I've had to hook my pc up to the data on my phone (thank you wireless hotspot!) when we want to do things together. We can't skype sleep, and that was my big crutch last time. We could have last night we finally both had time, and he wanted to so badly but I don't have the money to chew all that data to be there while he sleeps. The fact that it was him asking for me to stay for a change made me feel really good though.
Our sex life is a lot different this time too. Mostly due to the lack of time, but also my crappy internet. It's also a lot less fulfilling and a lot less satisfying. We were joking about it actually. About how there was a time where this was great and how pathetic we must have been.
Of course I'm working doubly hard to make it at least bearable for him - so I'm doing things I'd never have considered before. I'm taking pictures and videos for him. I'm also editing photos and adding risque sayings to them. The things he wants to hear and the visuals he wants to see.I've challenged him to earn these videos from me, convince me somehow to send them. It gives him something to focus on other than moping and encourages him to put in an effort, because otherwise he'd probably accept and be greatful but not think to recipocate.
We're doing a lot of online window-shopping too, both when we can snatch time together and via email when we can't. Now I'm home and have my credit card unlocked I can actually buy things online again too, which is nice. Well, it will be when I have a job!
Which I will soon, and then I'll see him even less. Joy.However, I'm not one of those chicks who wont get a job because it means less time with my SO. I know a lot of people hold off on working, but even if I didn't have large debts to my sister and a wedding to pay for, I'd want to work just so I'm not thinking about him and waiting around for him every second of the day. But then, he tells me he will shift his work hours to suit mine if it comes to that. Not earning some kind of income strikes me as a waste of time too. You need money to close the distance, no matter who or where you are. Don't cripple yourself in the future for a little time together now.
I have a job interview Tuesday morning. I'm so excited. And a little scared. I'll tell you a secret - I worked for this company when I was a kid. I was 14 and nine months and it was my first job. I earnt $5.20 an hour and I thought that was good. I stayed with them a year. I can't say I was brilliant at the job, I was scared and shy and had many panic attacks. This is all beside the point. When I got together with "P" he didn't really like me working - point in fact he didn't like me leaving the house at all. I didn't like working either, mostly because I was a lazy kid. But, I knew right from wrong, and smart from stupid. He wanted me to quit, but I didn't. He would come into my work and have me steal things for him. I was a theif for many of my younger years and I was good at it - but I never stole from my work because that would have been stupid - never until he started to manipulate me anyway. Of course I got cocky, and I did it once with my manager standing behind me (I didn't realise) and got caught. It was terrifying. I did manage to lie my way out of it, and the police were never called and I didn't even lose my job - but I was so humiliated I quit soon after.
Now it's been many years. I'm in a different city. And most importantly I have a different name than I did back then. I'm probably pretty safe. The only thing that's still the same is my tax file number - and I highly doubt they have a way to flag that in their systems
But even so, the thought that this thing in my past could bite me in the arse is still there. I'm not that girl anymore.I have an idea for a new thread, then I'm going to work out and clean my room and spend time with my family. Thanks for listening today
