For the visa stuff I had to write a stat dec to prove I'm no longer with my ex. I guess that made me think about him. I looked him up on facebook. He's not smart enough to have privacy. I'm so revolted when I look on his face, why did I let him treat me so bad for so long? He made a fool of me. I let him hurt my family. I let him touch me, I wanted him to touch me. He told me I loved him and I thought he was so wise and funny and smart and spiritual that he must be right. Ugh. I had an extra hot shower tonight.
But, through the course of my stalking I found that he's in an international LDR too - some chick in the USA. He's gotten an international licence so he can drive over there and is waiting on settlement money to go. I'm scared. I'm so fucking scared. A manipulative preditor like that meeting someone over the internet. Gods, I hope and pray she's not another little girl fallen for his tricks. And if she is? That's my fault. I could have gone to the police after what he did to me. But I didn't. I just wanted him out of my life, I wanted to run far away. And I did. I changed my name and moved to Canada. I got rid of my phone number and email and blocked him from my facebook.
I thought there was no one out there as naive as I. No one as stupid and vulnerable. And... well.. physically he is rather disgusting. I don't know many people who have the ability to look past that quite the way I do. I thought it was ok, because he'd never be able to hurt anyone else. If anything I put stock in the fact his De Facto/ Wife would warn her. - She warned me but I was too stupid. But, equpied with tales about what happened to both her and I in those years, on top of everything he did to her before, I thought surely that would be enough.
But, facebook tells me she walked out on him. I can scarsely believe it. I spent years trying to teach her and the daughter that was older than me that they did not need him, that they did not have to take his shit or keep handing over their paycheques to him. For a while they lived alone without him, but once I got rid of him they took pity on him and allowed him to move back there and I thought everything I'd said meant nothing. But if what he posts is true (big if right there) she's done it! Good on her
But there's no one there now to stop him damaging another little girl.I feel sick with guilt and fear. And I guess I'm angry too, angry that scum like him is part of the LDR pool with us people. Angry that he's recieving a pay-out and that people are sympathetic to his LDR woes. If she were on his fb, I think I'd take the risk and warn her... but she is not.
I can only pray that she's smarter than I was, older than I was, and has people around her that will protect her.
He never liked Australia, and he's not a citizen. But I wonder, how hard would it be for him to immigrate to the USA with a criminal record. He's done jail time...
I hate him. And I hate myself too for letting myself be bitter tonight.
Life is unfair sometimes, that's how i could say about your situation. Unfair because that scumbag could walk away and messed with other girls life again. But. i do believe in karma. One day it will coming back to him, and bite him with no mercy. Don't ever forget life is a bitch and its also rules for him, just need right timing to get him back.
You had new life in front of you brand new story book, one that you cherish most now.
Don't waste your time and energy to even think about bad past.
Its ok to open the "memory" box sometimes to look at your life before, but really... anger and pain, you should forget those. Its happens, and DO NOT regret it as part of your self. It hurt, yes, but it made you who you are right now.
I've been there, hurt, emotionally physically by one of my ex and i was by my self. I don't let anyone know it, not even my family.
Its happens, and no matter how much i want to erase it, it part of me, my history, and i am not regretting it happens..... because that made me stronger than anyone, and well it teach me lots of things--thats what they call experience and its not something you could learn from a school.
Be happy
*hugs*
What an icky feeling! I know that guilt. I lived in that guilt for awhile when I found out that the man who had raped me, had raped several other girls after me. I felt so guilty since I hadn't gone to the cops. I can't really say what helped me get past it, I guess it was just time. I don't feel guilty anymore. I had my reasons then for making my decision to not report and I know that beating myself up over it now will do no good.
I hope that you can find peace within yourself about this.