I'm feeling a bit frusterated and just... Over it today.
I need to man up and ask for better hours at work when I go in later and that's always scary. I cry easily under pressure due to the social anxiety disorder I have. I've gotten better at it, but I still always have this fear that I'll get stressed and start crying. You should never cry infront of your boss, but I've done it too often to count in the past. Eek. But, I can't survive on 6 hours a week. Ideally I could get like, 30 hours. I don't really want to work full time, but yeah, 6 hours is like being unemployed!

Also, my visa documents are still on a truck or plane somewhere in Vancouver. They should have gotten to Ottawa yesterday at the very latest. Grr. I'm not going with EMS again, that's for sure. (I didn't go with FedEx like I usually would because the office is a bit of a hike from here, and when they delivered my last package to me (a money order) there was a huge slit in it - and the money order was sliced clean in half.) Feel a bit like I can't win right now.

The month is half done. It seems impossible Obi will get on that plane in 15 days. Who am I kidding? It IS impossible. Like it was last time and I just didn't want to see it. *Shakes head*

I'm doing well though. Didn't speak to him at all yesterday because he worked overtime and I had a late shift, and I didn't really miss him. I just shrugged it off. He's out there somewhere and he loves me. That's all I need. I hope I can hold onto that... it's what LDR used to be like for me. Maybe I'm finally adjusted? Took me long enough!

I'm also having some worrying health problems in my gearbox. They don't know whats wrong. There will be more tests that I can't really afford. This is what you get for living over a year in a country with no health cover and just taking the birth control your best mate gives you. I'm an idiot. I can't blame anyone but myself and I know that.

Some positive things: I have booked my hair and make-up trial for the wedding. Their prices are high of course, but not as bad as some other places I got quotes from and the portfolio is good.

I read that story Obi wrote for me finally. It was a sexy story of course, but the scene setting ment the most to me. In this story we were already married with two young children. The way he decribed it was... well, like a dream. <3 Aww. lol

That's my life in a nutshell. I pray for strength... and luck.