Working on the house with my sister and her SO all day today. We're all tired and so fucking over it. We want our lives back already. I try not to complain because I've only been at it two months - this is month four for them I believe. Poor bastards. Anyway, so they bicker a lot. It truly disturbs me honestly, but thats not the point. They get stressed? They pick at each other? Bored? More picking. Frusterated at the slow pace of renovations? throw in a few insults. Just damn hungry? Pick pick pick pick. AHHHHHHHHHH. Sometimes you think they must hate each other by now...

But, when we got into the car at a quarter past nine tonight, ready to make the nearly-three-hour trip home. They high-fived and congratulated each other for getting through another weekend without either of them asking for a divorce. *lopsided smile* Then they told each other "I love you". It gave me hope

On the love front though? Well I'm not feeling it. I'm feeling a shitload of resentment, and little else. There's so much work that we can't yet do without Obi, or if we do attempt it, it will be a lot harder. More than anything we need that extra set of hands. We need this done and on the market so my sister can stop suffering from my mothers dumb mistakes. And why isn't he here? *One eye twitches* I swear, if he ever DARES to say I'm unorgainsed ever again I'll rip of his head and shit down his neck. AHH!

I feel like I can't vent to him about the house either. I still do, but it often leaves me feeling worse because he just doesn't get it. He tries to offer advice on a subject he knows nothing about (this is a man who can't change his own washers ) often without thinking it through which pisses me off further, and gets all critical and shit. Like he could do a better job. Well why don't you come prove that? Oh, wait... >.<

Aaanyway so there's that. I feel a bit like he's blowing me off lately too. I know he can't work on his reel (stuff to find work) and skype because his computer has one foot in the grave and the other on a banana skin, but I really feel like he doesn't want to talk to me. He leaves abruptly. He isn't as affectionant. I don't feel like he's putting an effort in at all. But maybe I'm due for a rag, so I need to wait and make sure before I get all clingy on him :P

I feel lonely. I don't miss him in that desperate way I did a few weeks ago. I just want somebody here. I'm a cuddly kind of rabbit. A stressed one at that. Some of my needyness also comes from how let down I feel by him at the moment... there was a bunch of wedding stuff he was supposed to do but he didn't bother, one of those things being our centrepieces, and now he can't (or wont) do them because there's not enough time left. Also a lot of the wedding stuff we agreed on I only thought we'd agreed on - at the time he just hadn't really cared for whatever reason, and hadn't listened to what I was saying so now it occurs to him what's happening he's like "Ohhhh. No. Let's not do that. Is that negotiable?"

I know we're both frusterated and scared. We need his visa to be granted in the next four business days for him to have a chance of making his flight. I don't like our chances. I'm over this. I'm over waiting. And having to take on so much without him....

I'm going to bed.