I know that so many of you want to hear the wedding news, and I promise I'll get there. But right now I can either confide in someone in internet land, or I can cry, and there are three other people in the room with me, so we're going with "write".

Most of my wedding was fabulous. All the wonderful things little girls dream about, all the things people promised me... all, of course, except Obi's sister.

I heard you groan right then didn't I?

A while back I wrote to her, made peace with her, went out of my way to be nice.. ended up on her wedding party. Everything. We were friends, I thought.

Yet... she died her hair fucking PURPLE for my wedding, and I didn't say a damn thing.. And she came to my house, disrespected her mother under our roof (huge no-no in my fam) and spent her time glaring at and disrespecting my sister and her bf. And we all let it go.

She was a bit prickly, but things were good, or blind Miri thought they were. Apparently I was being offensive "a few times". Not sure how. But I remember way back in the day Obi used to get stupidly offended every time I opened my mouth too, so maybe she's like he was before he learnt Australianese. Somehow she still hasn't grown the balls to tell me to my face when I am offensive though, so what can she expect? If I piss you off, tell me about it. Shit man.

Anyway, so the day of the wedding rolls around. I didn't see her much, but every time I did she was complaining about something. Give me a damn break already. She got sun burn, her purple hair was in her eyes because of the wind, she didn't want to wear heels.. But, these are little things I could let go of because it was a beautiful day and everyone else was so so nice to me.

Then the reception. We had a large wedding party, especially for such a small wedding - I mean like a quarter of our guests were on the party!! Now in traditional seating the parents of the couple and the best man + matron of honour sit the head table, so we went with that, not with the whole lopsided wedding party.

I had wanted his sister on the head table - both mine were up there. I don't have parents, I have Bec and Chris. And my other sister was my MOH. I felt that as the only sister not up there, it might cause trouble. Obi didn't want her up there - it didn't make sense with the tradition, he didn't think she deserved it, and again it would have just been too many people on the head table. So I told him to warn her so there wouldn't be an issue. He left that to the best man, who never bothered.

What I didn't know is when she found her seat she almost immediatly asked the Best M and Obi to move her to the head table and they'd said no, there's no room. I was busy and didn't see this. So when Obi's dad comes to let Obi know she's run away, all I know was this bitch who's caused me so much trouble in the past is causing more - and worse, making my husband abandon me on our wedding night. And everyone saw. And then the questions started. I felt like shit.

I waited as long as I could bear (which was probably not long at all, unfortunatly) before I stalked out there to reclaim my man. She was crying and he was there, pandering to her like usual. He gives me a brief run-down of the problem, while she death-stares me, and that pissed me off even more - It was a problem I foresore and he didn't listen to me!

I snapped. I'm just so sick of her needing to be the centre of attention, and being so selfish all the time. There was no reason she couldn't have come spoken to us instead of pulling him away from the party, no reason she couldnt have asked about the seating or the table names, crying or not (lots of people cried - but they cried because they were happy for us, not because they are selfish dramatic bitches). She could have been an adult and instead she decided to cause a very public drama. <- remember the public part, I'm coming back to that.

Now, on a base level with the seating issue - I was and am on her side. But she handled it badly, like usual. And I felt so damn crushed and abandoned. I asked him to come back in with me, and he said no. She said something catty to me then, and I don't even remember what it was, just how I felt. Frankly I get sick of her causing trouble between us and trying to shit on our happiness. So, I told her that if she can't get over herself and just be happy for us for one day she can fuck off. She did, and he went to chase her. I was shattered by then. We both knew nothing he could say was going to make it right for her, that's how she is.. I would never make a scene at someone else's wedding. Even if like, a waiter chopped my foot off and poured boiling oil on me. I seriously would not impede on someone else's happiness... and I guess I expected the same.

Anyway, I stopped him following her and we talked and he could see how crushed I was, and I convinced him to come back with me. Not long after one of his parents tried to send him after her again, and he knocked them back. But the evening was soured by then. Neither of us got to eat all our dinners. It took everything I had not to let people see I cried.

Later she came back, danced with Obi, pretended she was fine. And my family put in a massive effort to help me get past it and have fun, and for the most part, I managed until that night when the quiet allowed me to think and I couldn't sleep.

The next day we visited her and the parents as it was our last time to see them before we left for the honeymoon and I wanted to see mum (or I'd have just not gone.)
So the sister gave us her gift - that is after the dad ran downstairs to print the voucher, she didn't even bother to do it herself - in a card. I wasn't interested in whatever she had to give. I was still too hurt. I was doing everything I could to be civil, even when she was sent to let me into the apartment alone and we were stuck in the tiny elevator and I could have ripped up her all I liked... and yet Obi didn't notice and didn't thank me. Obi didn't even seem to think being around her might be hard on me at all. So, I read the card when I was instructed to, and looked at the gift. All I said was "It's nice, but I really would have prefered an apology."
Silence.

Obi, cowardly I thought, changed the subject.

Some time later and alone we got into a tiff - after he decided I should be the one to make peace with her. Which he asked me again to do today. He doesn't get it. It breaks my heart that everyone else can see how and why what she did at our wedding was wrong - how she spolit the day that's supposed to be "the happiest day of my life" - and how he's fine with it.

Which gets us to the reason I was upset enough to air this in public today. See, after we had our tiff he realised that perhaps he should have protected me and our happiness on that day instead of making me feel even more like shit. (His first instinct is never to look after me. He calls me family, but I'm the one who comes last. I had thought that being married might change that, but so far it's not looking good) So he emailed her and let her know that he was hurt, I was hurt, that causing a scene couldn't have fixed anything etc, she handled it bad, whatever.

A few emails went back and forth, during which she said that I was rude (I was, I admit. I have a breaking point I guess.) and didn't deserve an apology because what happened that night had nothing to do with me. It's my wedding... how does that have nothing to do with me?

There's also the privacy thing. Now, I'm pretty open. I have not slandered her openly on facebook or anywhere else (before this blog) - but there have been a couple of comments, especially between Bec and I... Obi strongly disaproves of the idea ANYONE should know that there's a problem between his sister and I, for reasons I don't understand, and is defending her on that front. I get the "don't air your dirty laundry" thing. I have not posted any dramatic statuses about how I hate her or anything similar. But I don't have anything to be ashamed of. I bent over backwards to make her stay fun, to make sure she was happy, comfortable etc etc. And what do I get from that but bad memories? If I want to say something about that, I feel that's my right. Obi, again, doesn't agree.

Now onto today (sorry this is so long) we got back from our honeymoon yesterday and today he found three emails from her. One of them was something similar to an apology, "I'm sorry it went the way it did"... not "I'm sorry for what I did" or "I'm sorry I wrecked Miri and your special day". But it's good enough for him. He didn't get why an email filled with a dozen other reasons why I'm the bad guy might not make me feel warm towards that apology.

So we fought a bit more (quietly in our own fashion) today, and he emailed her back. I don't know what all of it said, I didn't read over his shoulder, as much as I itched to (he may or may not let me read it later)... but one thing I did catch was enough. One sentence that said "I'm over it but Miri isn't" way to leave me standing out there all by myself. Fark. Seriously. I'm hurt all over again. Isn't your husband supposed to protect you? To understand and stand by you? May as well have said "Miriam is the only problem here now".

I get his concerns. One day we're going back to Canada. He doesn't want this rift in his family. I get it. I HAVE FUCKING TIRED SO HARD FOR HER. Yet he dares to say to me "I'm sure she'll apologise to you if you apologise first". It makes me sick.

Maybe I am the bad person they believe I am? Sorry again that this is so long and dreary. Thanks for listening.