After the incident in the car on the way back from Christmas in Melbourne, things have not been the same between Obi and Bec. It doesn't get spoken about much, but it's there. I'm not going to excuse anything she did then or the days of exile after, but I look at it like this:
There are two sides to all people, the good and the bad. For the people you keep in your life the good outweighs the bad and helps you see past it. These are examples I gave to Obi last night:
Bec - Is a bitch. She has a horrible temper and likes to be the boss all of the time. To balance that though, she is generous in the extreme (though this is becoming much less), will do anything for her family and is very reliable. She has a good heart, not that you'd tell it from her foul mouth.
His Dad - Will always talk down to you like you're a four year old, and he's fucking cheap. He will stinge you at every turn and will think you're stupid if you're not equally as selfish. However, he cares deeply for his family, does his best to remain nutral and is great for support (of the non-financial kind). He's willing to put in a big effort for others.
His Mum - Has no tact, and will never respect that you have a different religion to her. She says the most hurtful things because she doesn't think before she speaks. However, she has a heart of gold, would give you the shirt off her back, and never ceases to have fun. She is never deliberatly mean.
Chris - Once he gets tired or bored, he stops trying. Often to the extent that other people will have to spend double the time fixing his mistakes afterwards. But that' balanced by the sheer amount of work he puts in, and his even tempter.
I think I could use this exercise on everyone in my life, even myself. I do my best to remember none of us are perfect, and to focus on the good, not the bad. I know too that everyone has bad days, and I take into account stress that people might be under. I ask myself "what causes <person> to act like that?"
Obi and Bec don't do this. So, they talk to me about the other, and I try and explain the bigger picture, but I think I probably sound like I'm making excuses. They also dislike each other for qualities they are BOTH displaying. There's quite a bit of tension.
The comments about how messy we are keep coming at us. And the questions about Obi's work.. like the other day Bec was texting me asking if he's still job hunting. Well, of course not, he works eight hours a day, with a two hour commute (all up) and spends his weekends working on the house. All we can do is hope his job turns into a lasting contract (he's only guarenteed two months... if it was more we'd have moved out already.)
Last night Bec did something that was really rude. I didn't realise that it was rude until Obi was fuming about it... We were on our way to bed and Bec goes
"Zep, wait I have something for you!" her movements were fast, and her voice was like she was excited... like it was a gift.
I'm like "Yay! What is it?"
She's like (in the same happy playful voice) "Don't be excited it's nothing fun
"And then she hands me the quarterly power bill.
I say "Yay!" again, I play along. I take the bill, I know what she wants me to do. She wants it paid.
It's a lot too, it's $433. Electricity is not cheap in Sydney, especially not with four people living in the house. Now, a while back, Obi and I took over all the grocery shopping. We were never told to, Bec just kept saying to me "oh can you pick up the items on the shopping list when you're out today?" and she stopped buying food. Completely. Not the best way to deal with it, but effective enough, I know my place. But this is the first time she's asked us to contribute to any of the bills, never mind pay one outright.
I know Obi has no qualms with us paying our way, and neither do I. I personally am grateful she's finally letting me contribute, because always before she'd insist on paying for everything. But he was mightily offended that she didn't show us any respect and didn't actually ASK us. Instead she gave it to us in a way where I could not have refused without starting a fight. Not that I would... but you know?
I thought it was well played on her part. I thought it was funny. I don't expect respect
But yeah...Just little things like this are building into that "We need to move" feeling.
There was a time in the past Obi really liked my sister. While we were in Canada he often said how he missed both of them. I know their visit to Canada was very rough on me/us at first. I know for years I've turned to him every time she's hurt me (which admittedly is kinda often). And I know the trip back from Melbourne probabaly killed any hope I had of them ever really being friends.... I know that living with people is pretty much the fastest way to ruin your relationship with them too.
I guess I'm just sad for what could have been.
It's odd, being on the other side of the fence. For a year and a half we were on his turf. He was happy and I was very not. I was out of place. Now, I'm happy. There are some things that frusterate me because they are happening so slowly, but for the most part my life is how I want it to be - finally. Yet, I feel guilty too. I don't think he's missing his family and friends yet, but I know when he comes home he feels uncomfortable.
This is my sixth month living with my sister.
It's time to go.
