Alright, so I'm annoyed. Least of all is because I used to love custard apples. But they only come out for a short period of time and I've missed them the last few years. Well my supermarket got some in stock so despite the huge cost, I bought a couple. But... I can't get myself to eat it because the texture is a bit too similar to fish/eggs... which my fetus also isn't allowing me to eat lately. It'll be worth it. And Someone else will likely enjoy them. But grr.

But mostly, because, I just am. I think really I'm likely to be just tired and overwhelmed and it's giving me the impression things have gone to shit when really nothing has changed. That happens to me all the time. Like I was talking to my half sister the other day about the depression... it's there, every day, and I'm going to deal with it and the things that crop up from it for the rest of my life. I can suck it up At least I usually realise what the shit is happening.

Anyway, once I get rid of this smelly custard apple I'm going on a rant about Obi's dad. BRT
Ok, so maybe mandarin is safe?

About Obi's dad, well... You know how we asked Obi's sister to move her wedding date so that it would be safe for me to fly and attend (or if she so desired she could move it several months later until the baby was able to travel), and you also know that when Obi and I got engaged she demanded we move our wedding date to accomdate her, which we did, and regretted. Right? Well, the sister was actually seriously considering making such a big change for us (granted, we changed our date for her pretty early on, and she's been engaged for like 6 months now - so in practical ways it would be harder for her if she were actually organising her own wedding, but she isn't, and invites/ S.T.Ds havn't been sent or anything.) but the dad got in there and decided to meddle with that and shut the idea down. He has decent reasoning, albit terribly pessimistic, but that's beside my point. So, the sister tells Obi "No" in a lengthy text that he doesn't even bother to reply to (he didn't know what to say, so just didn't try) and I let out steam by doing some "vague-booking" (urban disctionary if you havn't heard that one!). Now, I didn't know it was the dad shutting the idea down, I figured it was just another example of his sister being a right cow, because, well, we've had our share of issues already and it's too easy to judge someone when there's such a bad history and little to no communication. So for the FB, I didn't use names or tag - and the statement pertained more to a conversation I'd had with Obi than directly to his sister or any of that.

But his dad saw it, and evidently it pissed him off. His family, and Obi himself have taken issue with how I use my facebook before... but like I said to Obi last night - when I was stranded in Canada with no mates, no support and a shittonne of misery I learned to rely on facebook to get me through things, and I'm not willing to just stop now. What they see as personal and private, I simply don't. (And evidently what I see as private, like my early pregnancy, they do not!)

So anyway, dad drafts this letter in an attached document and instructs Obi to read it with me and imagine all three of us are together in a room talking (I thought it was a nice touch) and last night we did. Even though it was late... because once I knew it was there I knew I wouldn't sleep unless I'd dealt with it. I don't leave fixable problems for tomorrow.
I know he ment well, but (and I know I've ranted about this before) it pisses me right off that he treats me like a child with no life experience. I've been out of home for a decade this year! I'm eduacted and experienced and I don't need some narrowminded stick in the mud talking down at me.

He was going on and on about how we think nothing will change when the baby comes along and we can just go on doing what we have been doing (whatever that is. I think he thinks our life is more exciting than it is in actuality), and you can't do this, that and the other with a baby... and uhm mate? I freaking know. I've worked as a live-in nanny. I've had 24 hour 7 day a week experience. I've also done courses on childcare - I know what to expect at what stages of development, I know when the baby will likely be able to travel, I know the complications, I know it takes 100 years to get out the door to go to the shops with a kid. I know my family histroy, and I've dung in to get his too - I know what things our baby may be at risk of medically, and I know what I'm at risk of with this pregnancy. You can't be prepared for everything, and the Gods like to throw challenges your way - but I'm doing as much as I can to not run in there blind. And if he bothered to ask, I could have told him that, instead he assumes that I'm as uneducated on the topic as his son is. It pisses me off.

We also have a lot of support here with my family. Besides that, because of the internationalness, we're facing challenges he's never even considered. We know we're going to make huge sacrifices so this baby can have both sides of it's family. We know we're going to work our arses off. We know flying with an infant is going to be a nightmare - but when we go back to Canada after I'm done spawning, we're likely to have more than one so we'd best be prepared for that too. We have friends in the exact same situation as us who are a few strides ahead - they've done the international move with a baby, they've done the paperwork, they share their knowledge and resources with us.

We also know we're going to need to be bloody decent parents to rasie children who can cope with the kind of lifestyle they'll be born into, and perhaps I am just stupid but I believe if anyone can do it, it's us. (Besides that, his granny actually knows a couple who bought up their three children who are now adults in the same conditions we will be. The precident is there. It'll be hard and we know it. But it's not unachieveable.)

Moreover, I'm sick of the fucking guilt trips! His mum... all the time. Dear lords! They whinge all the time about how dare we leave them and marry and have a baby that they won't be able to nurture and blah freaking blah, but they are too busy to pick up the phone or work out a single skype date or reply to our emails with more than a line... which I mentioned to her last week with all the diplomacy I could muster, so she's at least emailing now... But meet me half way people!!!

Anyway this blog is all over the shop, but back to the wedding. He goes on to tell us about the deposits, and the honeymoon is booked and all that.... and I ask you, how is it that we're both supposedly on the wedding party and yet know nothing about any of it? And he goes on about how it's great we think we can ask such a huge favour of the sister but I don't have the right to be upsett that she doesn't change anything because we offered to do it for her... and excuse me what fairytale are you living in? Why do people think they can lord it up on issues they don't know anything about? Gah!

He later goes on to make a year-long plan for us, including when they'll visit us (in our one bedroom unit which no doubt they will complain endlessly about) and when we'll visit them for a month or more... uhm, yeah right. Good luck with that one. We can make our own plans (and have - we have a standing ten year plan on paper!) thanks all the same.

To be continued!