Parenting has been on my mind a bit, and Obi and I have talked about it too.
I'm a bit concerned... How am I going to raise my children in my religion when no one else I know practices the same thing or celebrates the same holidays? I mean, with things like Christmas and Easter the world bombards you with it long before you get there... but when Samhain and Lammas roll around? *crickets chirp*
And that's without considering the opposition we will get from his family and maybe even Bec too. I don't know about Bec, I mean, she lets me know often enough that Catholics are the only "right" ones, but she still shows up for the feast when I invite people over for the harvests. I think she wont interfere.

That's off topic though. Obi recommended that I find a local circle to join (a regular wiccan one, not one for mums), and agreed he will go with me at least until I'm comfortable/make some friends. A lady from my work who's kids are all grown up now told me to get a mother's group. She's still meeting up with hers o.O I was impressed. So, today I went back and joined Mysticwicks. It's the largest pagan forum on the internet, and it happens to be where I met Obi. Being so big though, there's a lot of politics and crap that goes down on there, so I'm not sure how long I'll stick it out. But they have an extensive section on parenting, which I really need.

I was reading this thread "I wish I'd known" where people were talking about pregnancy, birth, and the early months... and one woman mentioned the after-vaginal birth pads and special net underwear.. o.O It sounded all types of freaky. It's times like this I wish mum was still alive. I'd have no hesitation calling her and going "so, how much am I really going to bleed after this thing comes out? What about the scary lady-pants? How likely is it that I'll need Obi to wipe for me?" Gods but I miss my mum.

No use brooding on that. So, I was thinking, it really annoys me how lots of women don't talk about anything but their kids. I mean, I don't even like kids, I don't want to hear your funny/cute stories... but.. I fear I'm going to turn into that. I'm bearly pregnant and I talk about parenthood a lot. How do I not let this take over my identity? I'd ask my mum that too, and I bet she'd laugh in my face

Another thing so many women said was "I wish I kept in shape" so again I'm thankful I'm three minutes from the gym. One said "I wish I'd lost that extra ten pounds before falling pregnant again" and that struck home with me too. I want children in quick succession... How do I make my body do that without destroying it? But, whatever, it's just nice to be reminded of my goals when I'm still able to have some control over them. I probably sound really vain but I just notice that when I'm in shape I feel better and the depression doesn't get me as badly, and I like Obi being attracted to me physically, I don't want that to change even though my body inevitably will.

What else "I wish I enjoyed my leasure time before birth" was a big one, and "I wish I slept in more often" struck home and made me feel less guilty about my napping habits. It's amazing the simple things that can help you.

I had the guilts yesterday at work. I think something my co-worker said about her grankids set me off... but I'm worried about spending five years here in Oz. My babies will be blessed with something I never had - great grandparents. But how long can I expect them to live? The fact that Obi still has his grandparents blows my mind, mine died a long time ago. And they are mostly fit and healthy - they still go camping. His grandpa joins cross-country cycle tours for charity. They seem mostly fine. But they are all into their 80s. I don't know what the right thing anymore is. My aunty Helen and Uncle Phil are going to stand in as grandparents on my side, I feel that's right. And no one can spoil a kid like Aunty Helen, she'll make a great Nanna... But they are both sick and getting older (in their 60s now). They seem a lot worse off health wise than Obi's parents or even his grandparents. I worry about what we will need to do as people start falling ill and moving on.

I know, it's a weird depressing thing to think on. But I've seen so much death, it's shaped who I am and how I think. I want my kids to have time with all these great people... I don't know. I guess if it comes down to it, we'll need to bounce between countries more than we'd originally planned. Sometimes it would be nice to just have one person who could tell me I'm doing the right thing, making the right decsions, rather than "Do what you like" or "I'll support you regardless".

Happier thoughts.. I've been thinking about the baby's naming ceremony (Kind of like a Christening, only not.) Now, for most Wiccans, we generally just do the ceremony ourselves. We believe that all people are "priests" and can have that connection to the Gods, so we don't really need a middle man or organised church. Which is cool... I always imagined I would be the one performing this rite of passage for my babies... but... I've also been thinking it would be nice to have this ceremony in Canada (as our handfasting was here, and it's the next big ritual) so that those who couldn't be there for the wedding could come. We could even have a little reception/feast after it. Wiccans are big on feasts lol, really it's all about the food and wine! But, do I have the confidence to pull something like that off in front of his family? It's something I deeply want to share with them (and my family too of course. Maybe if flights are cheap...) but as they don't have celebrants in Canada I can't even fall back on someone else to fill the role for me. Mmm food for thought. Obi is also firm that he doesn't want our kids to have God parents/ guides. I think it's weird, but he doesn't have them, most of his mates also don't have them and as he's not Christian and none of our mates are Wiccan, he's put the veto down on it. I have two God fathers and a God mother... but then, how useful was that? I don't speak to any of them anymore, and only one of them ever tried to help me with my faith.

But, is it weird to have a naming and not apoint anyone as a spiritual guide? I guess not. I can see already that I could make it work.

Wow I'm doing an awful lot of rambling today!! o.O I should stop before I need to break this into two posts. After having a re-read I realise this doesn't come across as a happy post, yet I am quite content. I'm excited about the future. I enjoy thinking of the changes that are coming.

ETA: Holy cow.. did you know you can get a thing to suck the snot out of a baby's nose when it's sick? That's bloody genius!