I'm not looking forward to doing married people's tax either.
Today was good though. Today's my mum's birthday, and while it hurts, it doesn't hurt as badly as it could. I miss her every day regardless. And when you're becoming a mum, all you want is your mum
The grief is there, in the back of my throat - like when you hear a song you love but you know if you sing along you'll burst into tears. Next month is the anniversary of her death though, and that for some reason is always much harder than her birthday. Maybe because I was there and I remember it all too clearly. The nightmares weren't too bad last year (I usually get terrible nightmares and flashbacks the month or so before) but pregnancy makes your dreams so vivid anyway... I make an effort not to think about it. The only photos I can see from bed are of my cat. I know being afraid will provoke it. I also know letting it out is effective for me. So sorry if that was really depressing right there.Anyway, it's also my midwife's mum's birthday today. And I think I've come a long way because I could except that, and her age (she's got to be late forties / early fifties) and not resent her when she said she needed to call her mum after our appointment.
The appointment was really good. Obi left for work late so he could be there (and thus will be home stupidly late tonight) and I got measured, had my blood pressure taken, did some paperwork and we got to hear the baby's heartbeat for the first time! Awww. So that was nice. It was Obi's first time meeting her too so I was a bit nervous he wouldn't like my choice (because come the birth they need to work together and get along) but he was cool so that's good. And I'm (so far at least) officially low-risk and more than safe to go ahead with a home birth. Woo! I'm a bit of a freak. I've always day-dreamed about labour in the same way normal ladies plan their wedding. So this is very important to me.
The baby shower Michelle's throwing for me here also really warms my heart. I really didn't expect her to suggest it, for some reason. And it's just lovely that everyone's coming along and having fun and celebrating with me, especially at a time where I'm really feeling abandoned by my own family. I'm also very sure that my fam/friends here wont bother throwing me a shower or any kind of celebration so it's really nice. It helps me feel loved and not left out. It's a really great community <3
Thinking of people who aren't supportive and such though, I spoke to my sister in law over Skype today for over an hour (and it would have been longer if I didn't have to rush to work) and it was really bloody nice. I actually hope we can talk again tomorrow. Yes, this is the chick that I've detested for the past 2-3 years. I don't know what's wrong with my brain, if she's pulling the wool over my eyes or if maybe she's just grown up since we left her country... but I wasn't even trying to like her... and she didn't piss me off once. It felt really nice. She's surprised by our choice to home birth, but says she admires it and was really supportive.
She was also telling me about her new interest in pottery, and telling me about what's happening back home, and things like how her mum is being really ..absent.. in anything regarding her wedding. Which is very sad
But yeah. Really nice to talk to her.
I've found, with the exception of Bec and my Aunt, that spending a year overseas actually strengthened my relationship with the people I left behind. Suddenly they wanted to hang out and talk to me. Suddenly they cared, when they never gave me the time of day before I left. I kind of wonder if it will happen again, this time with our people in Canada. It's nice.
We have two weeks before we need to submit our application for the next level of visa for Obi. Two weeks. Where the shit did that time go? We don't have everything. My passport will get here in time for me to get it copied and certified and for me to fill my forms, unless something goes horribly wrong. But our stat dec people still have not given their paperwork - his dad doesn't even remember having done the stat dec last time, and so we're trying to teach him how to do it all over again. Yuck. Obi for some reason didn't think he needed the police check this time, but he does, she he's trying to get that from the RCMP back in maple land...
It scares me. I know he will be awarded the bridging visa the moment the High Consulate opens his application for the next level, and as long as we get it in even one day before his current visa expires (mid August) we'll be fine. But it's just hard not to worry... even though I'm super confident he wont be rejected. And that we'll lodge on time. I'm having this man's baby, and moreover I'm locked in a 12 month lease that I have no way of paying for if he's deported. I can't survive in Sydney alone. Not to mention the fear of being Long Distance again. I don't want to do it, not even for one day. So yeah. Some stress on that front!
But, mostly life is really good. I'm more content and happy than I think I've ever been - than I even have a right to be! I'm going to go cook him a nice meal now to remind him why he married me. <3
Good night people of LFAD!
Great news about Obis's sister! I was SURE a few months ago that you and her could never work - looks like the distance does wonders to family relationships!
*hugs Miri and wishes her mum a Happy Birthday*
Hugs!