I'm blogging this out because there's nothing I can personally do to solve the situation but I need to get it out of my head so I can focus on other pressing matters, like the fact my kitchen smells like death and there are no bowls left. And all the other shit I said I'd get done today too..

This is a pregnancy/birth related blog. If you're not into that, no need to read on.

Anyway, when I got home from work I had a missed call from a number I didn't recognise, and I had the gmail icon popping up on my phone. Now, almost no one has my gmail so I went right there and sure enough, my midwife Sonja has been trying to get a hold of me. A while back I mentioned she had a hearing, and the committee needed time to decide what to do, so today I guess they figured it out.

The gist of the email was that Sonja has a bunch of harsh restrictions placed on her registration as a midwife - effective immediately - and that I needed to read this 80 page PDF to inform myself of the ins and outs of it all. It was a legal document not unlike an affidavit, so I was pretty damn glad that I did that legal studies course or I'd be all like "wtf mate?". Some of it was a bit horrifying. Like, it covered this recent incident in great detail (which I'm so happy to know about! Don't get me wrong) but also two other incidents from back in 09 where she had come under scrutiny for her practices. (In all three cases, the mothers and babies involved lived/were fine/ had no adverse outcomes)

I can understand both her point of view and the point of view of the health committee. Home birth in Australia right now is very controversial too, so there's a lot of social & political pressure affecting this case, and I get that.

The bit that matters to me is that the committee want to restrict her to only hospital based practice *! Yikes !* but luckily, will allow her to still attend home births under the supervision of a second midwife (Who, thank god, I wouldn't have to pay for!) based on the needs of the three women with planned homebirths in Novemeber (Of which I'm one). There are only two other local middies who qualify to be supervisors however - and they have submitted their applications to the committee to help Sonja out, but in the event they are rejected I'm fucked.

Now, the rules with the second midwife thing are also harsh. For example, If I go into labour and call Sonja, but the supervisor midwife is attending the birth of one of her own patients or is sick or can't make it for any reason, my midwife isn't allowed to come be with me, instead I need to go to the hospital. Undoubtedly I still have to honour my contract and pay my midwife in the event this happens. My midwife is costing me four thousand dollars. A hospital birth is free. This should tell the world how important it is to me to NOT birth in a hospital. >.>

Additionally, I need to waive a bunch of my privacy stuff so that the committee can keep track of Sonja, I need to consent to have an extra person attending my birth, I need to consent to monitoring that I would otherwise have refused (one of the big reasons women choose home birth in the first place!) and I need to be booked in for a hospital birth just in case.

This is, of course, if the supervisor/s get approval. If they don't.... I guess I just pay Sonja out for the care I've already received? And then what?

The obvious thing people are probably thinking is "can't you just get a different independent midwife?" sadly no, it's not that easy. Birth is a lot like your wedding - if there's something you want you need to book it well in advance. Sonja has done everything she can to transfer her patients to other midwives, but there's no one available to take me, nor the two other women Sonja is looking after who are also due in November. No one in their right mind leaves it til this late in pregnancy to find their health care provider - I already know my chances of getting covered in time. So yeah, pretty stressful.

And there's no one to talk to. The two people I turn to most are Obi who's at work, and then going out with his workmates afterward and Bec who thinks I'm a moron for booking a home birth in the first place.

I know that in the end of it all, I will do what I need to do. And that one way or another, a small human is going to emerge from my body in two months. I know that I just have to wait and see where the wind carries me, and that there's dick all I can do to change things. Who knows, maybe there's a hidden blessing in all of this? But right now, I'm afraid. I feel like my rights have been taken away with this decision. What about my ability to make an informed choice for my baby and my body? I get the the government wants to protect women and their babies. But, don't women have the right to accept that protection or not? Not all women are morons who don't educate themselves.... :/

I wish I wasn't alone right now.