I shall blog. Seriously, I know I need to blog less, I don't know why I do it haha. It's some kind of therapy I suppose.

I am so fking tired this week, it is unbelievable. I have never been so tired in my life. Even when the depression was at it's worst and I'd sleep to escape life, I wasn't this drained. And I know it's only the beginning. I've been lucky in that I have not worked since last Thursday. So, nearly a week off. I'll work thisarvo but it's three hours. Something wrong with me if I can't hack that! Then two more days off.

But I feel so pathetic. I'm trying to get things done, there's so much to do before the baby gets here, and not knowing exactly WHEN that will be is annoying. I can appreciate the convenience of C/S or induction right now. See, I might have as long as six more weeks if she's <in the normal range of> late. But, I might only have two weeks if she's <in the normal range of> early. So, I've got the cot set up (there will be photos at some point, I read the request ) my nappy stash washed and ready to go, all her clothes for the first 6 months washed and put away. I've sterilized most of the second hand toys we've been given, as well as the massive stack of terry cloth flats donated by my cousin.

Now, I have no idea what to do with all these terry flats. I'm grateful for them, I know they will be a godsend for dealing with the mess of labour, and then as spew rags and for cleaning, and maybe even as nappies if our MCNs are too big at birth (this is if Miriam even remembers how to fold one of these ancient things. I think I was like 6 years old last time I was shown how) but in the meantime I don't know where to put them and they are literally piled everywhere in this unit. There's a computer chair blocking the front (only) door, and a carseat for the car I don't have... It's doing my head in. My sister inherited what small amount of organizational skills came down to us genetically, not me. But, I'm sure I could get on top of it all if I could only stay awake and focus. Once I find a home for all this baby crap, I'm sure the rest of the mess will be easy to clean, or at worst Obi can do it because he's great like that.

Then there's the holiday season coming up. I'm doing well on that front I think, I've got my half sister and her four brats covered, as well as my cousin's four kids (and I got all of them for under $50, go me!), I'm paying off my other sister's birthday present, and I think I know what I'm giving her for Christmas... a photo book of her dog, there are quite a few professional ones from my wedding day... but it's time consuming and I keep putting it off. But her husband's birthday is four days before hers and I have no bloody clue. And on the "no clue" front is Obi. I used all my good ideas for his past birthday.

I've been playing with the idea of asking to forgo gifts for each other and combine the pennies for a couple's spa treatment or date day (I'm certain someone would be overjoyed to watch the owlet for a few hours so we could do this) or something, but I just don't know. I can't think of anything within our means that he actually wants right now. And as Christmas doesn't mean anything to me, I guess my heart isn't in it. Logic says I need to make the effort though. A lot of men feel very neglected and left out after their babies are born, so the least I can do is plan something in advance to make him feel special. Yes, I should remember this. *Nods to herself sleepily*

You know what is really really stressing me out right now? It's the most stupid thing in the world and I know it, but it's eating at me something chronic. Last Christmas, Bec gave me two tickets for professional driving lessons. They have not long now til they expire. I know they would have been bloody expensive. I know I need to learn to drive and put a bit of effort into getting my license, but I also know that taking these lessons right now isn't going to get me much closer to that goal.
See, we don't yet have the funds for a car, and we don't need one. At the moment, hiring cars for our trips works out far cheaper than maintaining one, and we live in the city with ample public transport. Cars are terrible for the environment too. I only have a motorbike license, and Obi doesn't yet have a NSW license - he's driving on an international permit. Which is fine, but it means he can't "teach" me to drive (and by teach I mean, legally sit in the car while I drive around on my L). He only has to pass a test and pay some money to get his NSW license BUT if he fails it will void his international driving permit and he'll have to start at the bottom with L plates and go through the whole system to get his NSW license, which takes years. He's not confident to take the tests yet - not that he has the time - and he's not required to do it yet being on a bridge visa.

So the point of that ramble is - even if I take these driving lessons, I'm not going to get on the road any faster, because no one will teach me to drive, and I can't afford to get enough lessons professionally to pass the next test.

Also, I'm lazy. I think it's probably my worst quality. But yeah. I guess I'll book those lessons for the next few weeks? Give me something to do seeming I'm not working much. I know that my memory is good enough that I'll retain whatever is taught to me. But yeah... I feel so ungrateful It's my dirty secret.

Ok well, I'm still just as tired as when I started. That very weak coffee and vitamin pills didn't do dick. Lets see if I can get anything productive done before work... because the middie comes over tomorrow, and I hate letting people in when there's mess.