See, I've been a bit grumpy the past few days (and if I've been short in a post directed at you at any point please please forgive me
) and I feel like my world is full of absolute idiots, and people who are just trying to bring me down. I feel under a lot of pressure too. Like, last night, one of Obi's mates asked us "So how long are you going to wait before you induce?" (to his credit, he then remembered and he's like "Oh wait no, you's are doing that whole natural birth thing, so you probably don't induce for that hey?") and this morning my Aunt messages me asking if I'm having pains yet. PEOPLE!! I'm not even past my due date yet!! These are not the only examples either, there are more, but I'm not going to focus on that, coz I'm feeling good right now. But other people's impatience on top of my own is really not helping. I mean, what's the rush for them anyway?! They can still tie their shoes unassisted and shave their own twats. If anyone should be hassling this gecko-owl to hurry, it's me, aight? Even the lady at the chemist (who gave me a bag of free shit, woo!) was like "I feel like yours is the longest pregnancy ever" (my work is right next door, so she's watched my progress).Anyway, so there's that. And then there's Obi's parents wanting to know when we're coming back. Which, isn't even what it is. Because our answer has been the same for the past year and it's unlikely they could have forgotten with the amount of times we have repeated it. Our answer was the same even before we left Canada. We are here for five years so Obi can get his citizenship. No amount of guilt tripping or nagging or asking the same damn question over and over is going to change that. SO STOP IT. I know they miss him (quite a bit more than he seems to miss them actually
) and I understand it's hard. But shit, you know? They also asked when we're having the next baby, and I must admit they took it well when I said "as soon as we can", and that we're not coming back to Canada to do it either.Then I was a bit stressed with the chemist, because I tried to fill my script for Anti D (the blood thing) and they told me I have to go back to the doctor who issued the script, and some other shit and I just Blah! I don't want to go back to her and have her pushing all these extra tests and drugs and shit that I don't want or need. But it turns out my middie can get the script filled.
Except technically, at the moment she can't. She's still in a bunch of legal shit and shouldn't be giving me any appointments at all right now, and besides that, she's having trouble getting covered by insurance and the council - so if I do go into labour like, now, she'll be practicing illegally (I'm cool with this) and the second midwife wont come (yay) because even having her there wont make it legal at this point. It's such a mess. I don't want the extra lady there though, that's just awkward seeming she wouldn't be working, I can't ask anything of her, and I have no way to entertain her, no tv nothing, in a tiny flat so she'll basically be sitting bored willing me to hurry up. Yeah no thanks. Anyway, but my middie would get one of her other middie friends to fill the script and give me the shot, and that still saves me a whackload of trouble. Money too. If I don't fill the script, I don't pay, right?
Also in the past week I've felt fucking huge. I can't stand myself right now. I don't even know how it's possible to be this large and still breathing. My belly is massive, and that is making the rest of me (especially my thunder thighs and arse) also look disgustingly plump. (For the record, I don't have an issue with other people being fat. Your body, you have it how you like, I'm not judging you. But for me, personally, I can't stand it.) It feels horrible. Like, when I sit on the bed at night for story time, my boobs lay on my belly, and I have to spread my legs super wide, and then my belly sits on the mattress with the pools of my thighs blubbering out to either side. And, to top that off my feet are still swollen (though not as bad, I'm learning how to keep it under control) so I just feel like Mrs Pillsbury or something.
And if that wasn't TMI for you it's about to get worse, so just skip ahead! So yes, mega unattractive... but I'm also really really horny. Even though I can barely move without assistance, for some reason my hormones are like FUCK YEAH LETS GET LAAAAAID! But, my confidence is shot to shit, because frankly I wouldn't do me right now so I can't see why anyone else would want to, so I'm not instigating (it's usually my job, I wish it wasn't but you can't have everything) I'm waiting around for Obi to make a move, which nine times out of ten he wont, because he's trying to do the right thing. And I've told him I'm raring to go and all, but all he sees is that I'm uncomfortable and in pain... so he feels guilty if he wants to start something. Sweetheart
All kinds of frustrating though!Anyway, so I feel better about that because when I got measured today I found out my gecko-owl-fetus has grown three inches in the past week. No wonder I feel like I swallowed a barrel of lard! Now that there's a reason for it, and it's for her, I don't feel as sorry for myself.
She's also still in a great position. I have none of the signs that indicate a particularly difficult labour. Blood pressure is fine, owlet heartbeat is fine. Everything is nice. I can totally handle looking and feeling like crap if I'm doing a good job of this fetus baking business. Additionally, seeming I'm not working, my house is remaining reasonably tidy and that makes me happy. Think I should cook something awesome for dinner tonight to celebrate. And I might grab a good book and head to the gym. If I walk on the treadmill for an hour or so it might just move this process right along. But, if it doesn't I'm looking forward to attempting Zumba tomorrow and going out for pancakes with Rosser finally.
I'm also texting loads with Bec, and it's great to actually hear from her. Things are nice. Oh, and my middie bought me a gift pack of cream for my udders (that's what it says on the tubes!) that smells divine so I'm looking forward to indulging in this. More gross baby body news to skip over: I've started making colostrum! It's super fascinating. I'm learning how to express it by hand. I'm not good at it yet, but it's a lot like milking a cow, so I'm getting there. Yes, I'm having a lot of fun with my new boobs, what of it? lol