It's really hot in here all of a sudden.

Just to warn you, this blog might get a bit random. I've started to blog several times today then realised I should be doing something a bit more worthwhile. Yet very little is getting done. I've spent a lot of time online today. It's nice to just have a day at home, judgement free. Touristy-stuff free. Stress-free (well except for the pressure I put on myself)

I've got a lot of stuff on my mind. Like how great life is. I spent a good portion today cuddling my owl and taking short videos of her. Just in the last few days she's become so much more interactive and aware. I did one useful thing today though, I booked her in at the clinic across the road for her two month vaccinations. At least, I think it's a clinic. I wanted to ask questions, but the receptionist was very business-like, booking us in, and you know how shit I am with the phone, lol. Oh well, Owlie will get her jabs tomorrow, and that's what counts.

There's been big blow-outs here (and on facey) about vaccination. And of course it's been on my mind a lot seeming I have a vulnerable unvaccinated baby. I'm strongly pro-vaccination. Most other parenting stuff I don't care what other parents choose to do, but with this? On this one topic I will poke my nose in where it doesn't belong. I think we have an obligation to society to protect ourselves and each other. Besides that, I'm 100% sure that vaccination does not lead to Autism and these people are just nutcases.

Thinking about debates, the breastfeeding debate is in the news AGAIN. Sometimes this country is so backwards. What's there even to debate? They are just boobs people. There are men out there with bigger, scarier, tits than mine and no one asks them to cover! Meanwhile if your baby makes so much as a peep in public, people get annoyed. There aren't many sounds out there that are worse than that of a crying child - and people are happy to let you know it. Wouldn't you rather see a little flash of boob that you can turn away from than listen to the squalling? I don't know about you, but I can't switch off my ears

Meanwhile, I've fed in all kinds of places - on the bus, in the park, in a cave, while walking around BigW, during dinner, at the pub, on the side of the freeway, at a petrol station - and no one has ever said anything to me. Maybe that's because it's actually illegal to ask a breastfeeding mother not to or to ask her to leave where ever she is. Or maybe most people honestly don't give a rat's arse. I'm thinking it's probably the second. I have had people come up to me and congratulate me for doing it, or to share their breastfeeding stories however. So all in all, I'm either very lucky, naturally discrete (which I doubt, because I certainly don't make an effort to hide away) or it's not the crisis situation some mums make it out to be.

It's like young Wiccans. You hear them going on about being discriminated against or whatever, but personally I'm rarely met with anything other than curiosity. Sometimes I think people want to be offended.

Thinking of tree huggers, the celebrant that did my wedding and Isis's naming is setting up a pagan mums meet-up (all the pagans she's married who have also had kids - apparently we're a fertile bunch) and she's giving me a lift to and from the event because she knows I can't drive. I'm pretty excited. I'm going to do my best not to get scared and cancel last minute like I usually do!
She's also offered to let me play her harp and to teach me some basics. Super cool. I'm dying to learn, it's such a beautiful instrument, but they are so expensive I'd like to have a bit of knowledge before I invest in one. So here's hoping I have the balls to follow through there too.

I can think of little else though. I used to play violin as a kid, and I still own one, but I'm kind of over it. I need lessons... but it's not my passion. I like listening to it, and I wished I kept it up when I was younger... but now, odd as it sounds, I have so many negative emotions connected to those instruments I don't think I'll ever have the drive to pick it back up. At the same time, I have a lot of regrets... so learning the harp might be a bit healing for me. Like going forward rather than back.

Writing is also on my mind. So many people tell me that they love reading my blog which is odd because really, it's just my life and my opinions and I'm not a particularly interesting person. Logic tells me then that it's not what I'm writing, but how. So I'm thinking that I'm going to scrap the beginning of the book I just started and begin over. Writing it in the same frank style as I do my blog. Maybe that's just what I need to break away from writing my novels in "passive voice." We'll see anyway.

On the relationship front, things are good, mostly. I feel a bit stressed on the intimacy thing though. Obi and I had a bit of a... well, not a fight or disagreement... but we got a bit heartsore over the whole issue yesterday. Because he wont freaking stop nagging me. And that just makes me feel like a shit wife, and even less inclined to make the effort for him. The sad thing is, my hormones are in order and I'm good to go. But I don't have the energy I used to have, nor the time. The thing is, by the time Isis has her last feed I couldn't be fucked to... be fucked haha. And mornings aren't much good either. They are full of feeds and nappies and a Miriam that probably didn't get half the sleep she'd have liked to. Meanwhile there's only a small window of opportunity in there before he goes to work anyway. Besides that, we've been in constant contact with family for a month straight with no small amount of stress and really I just want the world to leave me the hell alone. If there's not someone talking at me or a baby latched onto me demanding my time then he's all over me instead. But of course, the less blood is in his brain, the harder it is for him to remember how I might be feeling. But neither of us want him to just go do it himself because then if everything falls into place and we can go at it together we'll both resent the fact we missed out.
I'm still randomly pissed off about it. Many women don't put out at all for MONTHS after having a baby, meanwhile even when I couldn't receive any pleasure myself I still made an effort to see to his needs. I feel a bit unappreciated sometimes

Sorry, had to let that out somewhere. Anyway, so yesterday I cracked it with him and I think he finally got the point. I'm like "You don't even try and get me interested any more, you just nag at me! I know you can seduce me with your words because you managed it for years - you're just selfish and lazy" - Note: This is not an effective way to argue. Never use "you" statements.

So that's what I'm planning for when he gets home, if the owlet gives me half the chance. That, and cooking dinner and hanging out the laundry and folding some nappies. How did sex make its way onto my chores list? What the hell is happening to me? Still, if I don't make time and just do it, it'll never happen on its own. And I know that after I make the effort, we'll both be happier for it.

And after all that, at some point tonight, I think I'd really like to play some WoW.