So our anniversary was lovely. Didn't go at all how I planned because.. you may remember I was going to hang photos on streamers from the ceiling, cook a fancy dinner and let Obi to wicked things to me in my wedding dress - not necessarily in that order. Well, as it turned out I'm too short - even when standing on our tallest stool - to get anywhere near touching the roof, never mind sticking things to it. So that was out, and waiting at home in my dress for wild sex is just a bit lame if that's the only effort I've made so I scratched that. Got dressed up all fancy like, and met Obi in the city after work. He gave me a single long stemmed rose, earning bonus points right there. Then we went out for appetizers and cocktails at a fancy waterfront restaurant by the opera house. It was lovely just to relax by the water and be together. And the food was awesome. We're way into fine dining when we can afford it (which we really couldn't hence why we went for appies only!) Anyway, I hadn't had a chance to eat for most of the day. Babies do that to you. I don't understand how new mum's are all "I can't shift this weight!" because I'm all "I can't find a chance to eat to put on weight!" haha. So, having not eaten I drank a quarter of this cocktail and was completely on my arse before I even had the chance to decide if I liked the taste of it or not. I was melting all over my chair and laughing like the whole world was my personal circus. And of course I'm super lovey, clingy and horny when I'm tiddly so Obi wasn't minding at all. He was smart though, and ordered some bread to go with those fantastic appies. I thought he should have skipped the bread and booked a hotel on the other side of the harbour for a couple hours. Perhaps next time.
$100 later (for two cocktails, two appetizers and bread + water. Insane! Glad we didn't stay for dinner. But fun none the less) we headed home, because I was still keen to cook and I'd set myself up well enough that I wouldn't be really spending any additional time on it, I just had to heat it up. I made Salmon steaks & garlic prawns with fresh snow peas, cherry tomatoes and a seafood salad I bought pre-made from the deli. And he loved it
I'm so domesticated.We swapped gifts while we waited for dinner to cook itself. I'd struggled a bit. I wanted to buy him a ring, (I'm always buying him jewelry, luckily he doesn't mind me treating him like a woman) but the lady at my favourite jewelry shop is always a freaking bitch to me and makes me feel like a moron. I'm learning to only go in when the other workers are on. So, I hit the wallet sale next door because Obi's wallet was falling apart. Now this man is the fussiest man on the planet when it comes to these things and in the end I had two good options that I just couldn't decide between. So I got both. They were cost effective so I figured the one he didn't want could be re-gifted or something.
Turns out the one I liked best was indeed his favourite and I need to trust myself a bit more. Anyway, I'd also found the perfect card... except I read it through to the end where it said "Happy birthday"... fuck you hallmark. Fuck you right in the ear.
I bought it anyway and used white-out on the birthday part. So my git was an example of how I'm imperfect, but perfect for him!
He apologized for the lack of card on his end, he doesn't do cards a lot of the time but they mean the world to me... but he gave me something I'd never have guessed at! A digital Polaroid camera. Oh my awesomeness! So I was pretty stoked. I've never owned a camera but always thought Polaroids were the best. I have not done much with it yet though. I'm half scared to hurt it, half unsure how to use it. The photo paper has sticky backs which is cool. It's going to make this baby-book shit 100 x easier.
On the topic of love and gifts, it's Val's tomorrow and I've got nothing. No clue. I've promised to bake this week. And I'm thinking I'll print out some "be my player 2" valentine pictures. But that's as far as I've gotten. I can't buy crap like teddies or whatever. I don't buy crap. That's that. I've got to stop leaving stuff til the last minute! I guess I could go buy something frilly, set up a "studio" at home and let him take filthy photos. That's pretty easy. But I'm still hating how my belly looks, so I dunno. If only I could afford a corset... I mean my boobs are huge and my belly is gross, it's the perfect thing! Maybe next year.
Which leads me to thinking about babies. I've been having this mad pain in my lung, to the point where I was concerned enough to visit the doctor. I can't take a deep breath, I have to breath shallow or I get the ripping pain in my left lung. So yesterday my doctor shipped me off for x-rays (which I opened, and my lung is fine, so that's good. Still don't know why I'm in pain but I'm not going to die so who cares?) and so before I went I peed on a stick seeming x-rays and pregnancy don't go together. I'm not pregnant. I knew I wasn't but better to be sure. And I know patience is a virtue... but I just wish my body would hurry up and get with the program. It's coming up on three months since Isis got here, plus nine months of pregnancy = a year gap. I'd really like to keep the age difference under 18 months if at all possible. But the protection of breastfeeding is working better than I wanted.
I discussed with Obi buying formula and dropping a couple of feeds, Particularly either the 11pm feed or the 6am feed, because my midwife tells me if I drop my night feed my period will come back. But I don't know what my body considers "night feed" I'm awake at 11pm - it's not disturbing my sleep. But I don't really consider 6am to be night. Some days I get up that early and stay up. Doctor Google tells me any gap of more than 4-5 hours is sufficient to drop the hormone level that prevents ovulation, and we have plenty of large gaps like that between feeds... but anyway, Obi's not keen on using the formula at all. The WHO says "breastfeed for a minimum of six months" so he wants to stick to that, even though I wont be weening her and I'd pick those feeds back up again after I got pregnant. Half of me agrees with him, half of me thinks it would be fine. I don't know. I'm thinking "wait another month and reassess" but then, I'd feel a bit bad if I deliberately had a December baby, knowing how much that sucks for them.
I just hope the protection is this great when I'm done having my last kid.
Anyway, I'm just a bit sad over it. It's like an addiction or something.
Thinking of kids (shit this blog is going to be long) I don't know what to do with mine, entertainment wise. She plays with her gym every day, her foot piano and I read to her, but after that there's a fair chunk of time she is awake but not doing anything. She's not strong enough to hold her toys yet (which is why the gym is so overused right now) and can't stand tummy time... so what can I do? Most days I'll take her shopping for a while, which is getting old for me - and also I don't want to be that wife who's out spending all her husband's money out of boredom. Or I'll hit the gym with her but some days I really just want to stay home! I don't want to go for a long walk, or talk to people at the shops or even bother to put my bra on! But at the same time it's no good for her to just sit in her bouncer and fuss. So I'm thinking perhaps I should get some flash cards. Now I've always secretly mocked the parent with flashcards, but really we need something for her and until I can pop out a little friend to play with her. I need to come up with something!
I can hear the owlet starting to peep. She'll be up soon. But one more thing. I've been writing again. I've actually plotted this book from start to finish, scene by scene. Now I just have to get it on the story-board comprehensively. And I have an idea... see I've been reading the Riyria Revelations to Isis and I learnt the other day that the author wrote them and self-published them for ebooks only at first and the later because they were successful he was able to get them printed by a traditional publishing house. So maybe... ? I am way too scared to risk my main series trying this, because I'd want a solid way to advertise it and I don't have that yet (more on that next blog) and besides that I'm sick to death of writing that series. I'm taking a break. But this new book I'm not emotionally attached to, so it might be worthwhile to just churn it out and see if it goes somewhere.
I'm not interested in the politics of the writing world, or networking with agents and re-writing my stuff to suit what some publisher thinks the world wants to read. I'm too lazy for it too. I've always believed that self-publishing is for losers - it's a last resort. But maybe e-readers are slowly changing that. And maybe there is more than one path to success. I would never dream of self publishing paper books and trying to sell them, I had a mate do that with CDs and it's a nightmare. But Ebooks? At least the huge financial outlay isn't there. I'm still holding out for the day I see my book in a real shop on a shelf though. I'll know I've made it then.
I'm often thinking about my career or lack there of. Especially when I read Lyonsgirl's blog. It makes me sad for what I don't have and lights a fire under my lazy arse.
Ok, this is so long the site probably wont let me post it. So I'm going to go. Much love to you all, and carrots.
I love reading your blogs.
Sewbama - Thanks for the feedback
Piper - Wow, that's fairly inspiring