I'm super stoked, because last night Bec joined the gym. Finally I have someone to go with, and it happens to be the one person I never thought I'd convince. The time together during her trial was great for us, she's my best female friend even if we don't see eye to eye on most issues and it was great for our husbands too. Chris brings his laptop around and the boys play their video games and look online at boring computer shit, it's great. Obi hasn't made any close friends here, but being mates with Chris is easy. It helps chase away his friendship blues.
On that front, I'm struggling a little tiny bit too. I do get lonely for human interaction during the day. And there are lots of great local women who clearly want to be mates with me, but I just don't know how to do this stuff. Why is it so hard for me to call and say "Let's have a play date on Thursday?" Most of these people go to my gym, and live either in the same building as I do or on the same block. But so far I'm just... I can't make myself say the words. I'm half convinced everyone is just humoring me. They are nice because they feel they have to be or something, and that they really don't want to hang out. Which is daft, because these people found me. Like my mate who lives upstairs and has lent me loads of baby crap. She started up our conversations. She bought me food after I gave birth etc... Our friendship is very one sided (and it makes me uncomfortable).. But I can't stop feeling like she's just being nice and doesn't want a deeper connection. Daft.
And then there's the niggling voice in my head that tells me not to make more friends, they are just more people I'll have to miss later. True enough. But you can't live for the future, you've got to live for the moment.
Thinking of mates, over the weekend one of my home-town friends I went to school with contacted me and told me "Hey, hate to sound like a weirdo, but I feel like you're pregnant" (paraphrased that.)
Now, I have a lot of people in my life (including me) who know stuff before it happens. It doesn't even freak me out anymore. I just trust it. If my sister said to me tomorrow "Don't get on the plane, I have a bad feeling" I'd forfeit the money and stay home. Anyway, this friend came to my wedding and she said to me "You'll be pregnant on your honeymoon or within two weeks." She didn't know we were trying to conceive and when we did, we let people believe it was an accident. And she was spot on.
For her to message me out of the blue like that... Well it makes me scared to hope! She said to me "Like last time, give it two weeks, I might be off by a fortnight" but I'll be in Canada in a fortnight, and I was planning to test before I fly anyway. Because there's a bunch of stuff I'm planning on doing over there that I can't/won't do if I'm knocked up - like all-you-can-eat sushi and climbing on the back of my SIL's motorbike as a favour. Wouldn't mind getting out of that one actually
But like, how can I not hope? And what if I'm not? I'll be crushed. And I have to face the fact I'm probably not.
I told myself that I'm not allowed to even think it, unless my hands spontaneously heal.
Because I'm still having trouble with them. It's not an allergy, I'm starting to be certain of that, because it's on both hands and I took the ring off my right hand MONTHS ago. It's not something I'm using, not my hand cream, shampoo, washing power, dish detergent, brand of baby wipes nor the latex handlebar on my pram. It's not a fungal infection. It's not contagious.
What it is, is painful, itchy, maddening and a lot worse than it was before I got pregnant the first time. But, while I was pregnant, my hands were perfect the whole time, even when they were so swollen I feared for my fingers because I couldn't get my rings off. So, if my hands heal themselves, then I will let myself hope. Scarily, they are looking better every day.
It's going to be a long week while I wait to be allowed to test though.
Thinking of my hands, fuck my SIL pisses me off. See, when she was busy bragging about her SO buying her engagement ring (that's still in his pocket every day) she decided to ask me if mine has the stamp for platinum inside it, because NOBODY EVER is allergic to platinum and yet I've had a rash under my ring since Obi put it on my finger (excepting for the wedding, because I took it off for a couple of weeks to let my hands heal for the photos, and for the previously mentioned pregnancy).
I'm like "yeah it does" but technically it probably doesn't anymore. I know the engraving is destroyed too, because of the drastic resizing it needed. Anyway so she starts telling me that Obi probably got ripped off by the jeweler he went to and didn't get what he paid for. That it's probably really poor quality and that's why I have issues with it.
Honestly, why... why would you say that to someone? Wouldn't you just keep that shit to yourself? What possible good would it do to "know" that even in the event it was true? This ring could be aluminum for all I care but it's still my engagement ring and I still love it. He can't buy me another one, and thinking that he somehow did manage to get ripped off would only upset the poor guy. He already feels bad enough. So I told her not to say anything to him, and for possibly the first time ever I'm deliberately keeping something that bothers me from him. This is massively out of character for me.
I know that was petty, but it's bothering me so I had to let it out.
Something else on my mind is dogs. Well, one dog. Hers. Because it's an indoor German Shepard and it lives with her parents. She is very well trained (to the point where I think it's cruelty honestly. Like, they'll make her sit, balance food on her nose and she's not allowed to eat it until they say so. It's degrading, I feel bad every time I see it.) But when she gets excited (which is every single time you walk in the door, no matter how long you were gone for) all that training goes out the window. When she jumps up she's my height, and we probably weigh the same too. She can be very overwhelming, I was a bit terrified the first time I met her, and I was prepared for it (I generally have no fear of animals). I'm not at all concerned that she would deliberately hurt my baby because she wouldn't. My cat attacked her once and she ran away crying
but I am concerned that if she gets too excited she could accidentally harm Isis, or frighten her so bad that every time she sees the animal for the two weeks we're there, she'll cry. I figure I'm probably not just crazy overprotective because Obi's concerned too, and he generally doesn't worry about anything even when he should.So we spoke to dad about it, and he pretty much brushed it off and ignored it. He's like "I'll just carry the baby in then" Uh, how about no? How about you put her out the back and we introduce them in a calm environment after she's calmed down from seeing us again? These people frustrate me.
I've written this over two days, so if it's sketchy, that's why. Ugh, I feel sick. I thought yesterday that I was queasy because I basically ate nothing but bikkies and chocolate all day. Except for my super healthy dinner of white rice and greasy teryarki chicken
And I'm aware I spelt that wrong but I can't figure it out and I'm too lazy to google it. So there. But anyway, I still feel nauseous today. So I don't think it's that. Blerg.When the baby wakes up I need to walk my lazy arse down to Centrelink and tell them I'm leaving the country for two weeks. Man, I hate being in the system. I'm not on benefits, why do they even need to know?! But apparently they do. And what are they going to do if I don't tell them, cut off the money they aren't giving me? Oh the horror! But when you have an immigrant husband, you don't do shit that might piss off your government, regardless of the likelihood that they can cause you trouble.
So, this time next week we'll be on a plane. Until then Obi's getting loads of overtime apparently (they're working on the next wolverine movie) so he'll be super grateful for the holiday. I was texting him about it today, because he let me know as soon as he knew and I said I'd make him two lunches to get him through the long days. This way his reply:
"All I want is to love you deeply in as many ways as I can
"Awwww.
Ok ok I'm done!I'm off to stalk through some more people's dreams and turn them into nightmares, toodle-oo!
First of all, take the baby in the room FIRST and once the dog comes in block it with your body so that it absolutely does not get to touch Isis at any point. Don't touch the dog, talk to her but just stay in between the dog and the baby. It's ok to sniff from a distance but you make it clear that she's your baby and the dog has no right to go near her unless you say it's ok. If you think the dogs too big for you to block then ask Obi to do it. Even better if everyone does the same routine so the dog gets the picture quicker. Its important that the dog has some time to calm down before she enters the room. She can be in a lead at first.
Btw, if someone is holding Isis and lifts her higher so the dog can't reach her, that'll actually encourages the dog to jump and go after her. So put her on the floor or on the sofa or something.
Second, when the dog behaves well and isn't making a fuss and shows no interest toward the baby, reward it with treats and affection. It helps the dog realise once she stays calm and focuses on anything BUT Isis good things will happen to her. Hope this helps!
Great news about the gym! And yes, go meet other mummies. You dont have to become best friends you know, just more people to hang out with and spend time and share experiences with. The baby is a great ice breaker!
I have no words regarding your SIL. JUST :|
2) Your SO's comment is priceless..maybe it's cause I am particulary mushy these weeks, but i think it's just great and beautiful and made me awwww haha
My sister in law is freaking hilarious, eh? That's all you can do sometimes, just laugh it off.
Thanks for making me feel less of a paranoid git and giving advice on the dog front. I know I just have to stand my ground. I will totally read this out to Obi so he knows what to do too.