Yuck. I feel sick. Again. I've been queasy a lot this week, but I dare not even hope that I'm pregnant. The disappointment is crushing even when I know that I'm expecting a lot out of my body to get an embryo brewing so soon. I think this is why so many people have pregnancy scares: almost anything can be interpreted as a symptom of pregnancy. Like this nausea. I could be pregnant - or I could just be stressed. Or the cramps. I could be pregnant, but maybe it was just early PMS. Or the constipation. I could be pregnant, or maybe I need to just eat more fruit. Sorry about the TMI right there. But yeah, it does your head in.
I'm on the last day of my two week wait. If Aunty Flo hasn't dropped by before Monday, I'll buy a test. Maybe. If I can justify spending the money when I know it's just going to be another negative.
Anyway... part of me would even be relieved. I have mad guilt issues. What right do I have to want, and conceive, another blessing when people around me deserve it so much more? Like Bec, though I know she will swallow the pain in her heart and be happy for a new family member, or my other friend who still hasn't conceived again, even though she lost the last one at the time I fell pregnant with Isis. What right do I have to want another baby when beautiful caring women (who would quite possibly make better mothers than me) have not gotten one yet? (Or one living one, in the case of my friend)
Being pregnant right now would also probably stress the hell out of Obi too, though he seems very keen!
But yeah, he got laid off last Friday -nearly a week ago - and his unemployment probably could have come at a better time. Like, before we spent our flexible savings on a car. So far, we're ok. But how long we will remain ok for depends a lot on how many shifts I can get at work. I've put the word out that I'm eager for any call-ins, but no luck yet. I'm not even rostered on for Saturday. But if I keep nagging, someone will help me out. And then there's Centerlink. Technically, we can't go on the dole because of Obi's visa (I need to support him
) but we are receiving family tax benefits A & B, which whilst not much at all, I'm really appreciating right now. Ugh, thinking of that, we have to do our taxes soon. I don't have my group certificate yet though. NTS: Chase that shit up.So I've been pulling out all those budget-stretching things I learnt back in the dark ages. One of the key things you can save money on is food. I spent the better part of the day in the kitchen yesterday cooking bulk meals, and I'll be back there this arvo. You know the ones: curried sausages, stew, shepherd's pie (well, cowherds! Obi doesn't like it when I make it with lamb.) - lots of cheap root veggies, rice, oats and pasta. Lucky it's winter! I don't know a lot of cost-effective dishes for summer.
See, because these meals all use roughly the same things, but taste different and they make large quantities, I cook it all up and freeze the bulk of it - that way none of the fresh foods go off. I'm trying to keep us healthy, because we're in each others hair all the time with him being home, and things will go to shit very quickly if we're not eating right. That was something I learnt quickly back in the days I lived off toasted canned spaghetti sandwiches (It's cringe-worthy, but you can feed yourself for a week on $4 eating that every meal.) the quality of a person's mood is tied to the quality of what they are putting into their faces.
We were also pretty lucky. Our supermarket has this thing where you can fill a bag full of produce for $3. It only happens for about 10 minutes, and it isn't every day. But it's how they get rid of their old stock. So we got some Zucchini that we couldn't have afforded otherwise, and some bananas to make banana bread with later. Or banana muffins, because it just occurred to me I don't own a bread tin. If I've done my meal-plan right, we shouldn't need to buy food again for a month, excepting for milk and eggs. With all these frozen meals it means I won't be cooking often either, which is nice. I'm not a fan of touching food unless I'm putting it in my face.
In other money-related news, we got an offer on our house! (If you're new to stalking my life: Mum left us a house when she died, but her boyfriend trashed it before we finally paid him a settlement and got him out. It took months and thousands of dollars to restore the house, and we did the work ourselves instead of getting tradies in. House has been on the market a year.)
Now, I'm scared to be excited because we accepted an offer once before, last December, and the guy couldn't get the loan so the sale fell through. But this time, we've accepted an offer (that's actually higher than the other guy) from this older lady, who apparently has pre-aproval. The real estate agent says things should move very quickly from here. So please please pray/light a candle/send good thoughts/slaughter an innocent creature that it goes through and we can close this painful chapter of our lives!
I can only imagine the relief if it finally sells. When I called Bec and told her I accepted an offer, she burst into tears, bless her soul. I really want to see things turn around for her!
I've been writing often. I don't get a lot down each time, but I'm trying to keep on it. Obi's going to take the baby out for a few hours today he reckons, so I can get some quality writing time in with no distractions. I'm really considering Kindle's free ebook publishing. I've heard a few success stories. I know the burden of marketing would be fully on me, and I know that all the people who have other e-readers or who only buy real books, would be unreachable to me... but if I sell enough books that way it might look very good for me trying to find a publishing house when the second book is complete. I'm leaning really heavily in that direction at the moment, but I agreed to Obi that I would wait until my pilot readers get back to him (he must be riding their arses because people are actually mentioning this book to me now.) before moving forward.
I know, no matter how I do it, I won't make a lot of money writing. At least not for a long time. And I'm fine with that. I'm more interested in knowing people enjoy my stuff than putting food on the table at this point. I want to entertain, all else is secondary to me at the moment.
Anyway this blog is a novel of it's own! Like usual
Hope the house offer pulls through! and that opportunities arise for Obi to find something stable!
I second( or third ? ) moon.
Budgeting.. I am not good at it, but need to learn how to do it. So I've been looking around for good savings tips. My mom is a good source for me, but also this lady: http://www.blissfulanddomestic.com/ seems to have a few good tips too. So, I am slowly learning and trying things out.