So right after I blogged last time (ok not right right after, but the same day) I had a nap and felt more human, and then later when the baby was in bed, and I was sitting on the lounge in a towel minding my own business Obi comes over to chat. He's all "Whatcha doing?" and I'm "Oh, I'm about to have a glass of ice water and eat another apple" (going crazy for green apples right now.)
He's like "Can that wait until after I ravish you on the couch?"
and I'm like "The apple will wait, and if you get me a glass of water I'll count it as an act of seduction"

So, without the details, I got totally laid, and I didn't instigate. And like usual I can't even remember why I was so upset before. Yay.

This apple is so juicy. Pretty sure it's from cold storage too. Not bad.

Chris was super desperate to see Isis so we ended up having a date night last night, when I was thinking next week some time. Woo! We went down to the harbour for dinner to some place I never knew existed before I got their coupon in the mail. It was buy one main, get one free. Hell yes! And it wasn't one of those fancy order-three-courses-and-still-leave-hungry places either. They had the best blue swimmer crab I have ever eaten. Ok, so that's not really much of a competition, because I've never had one I liked. But it was amazing!
Then we went and saw "Now you see me" and it was great. I was all excited the whole time. You know me, I'm not really a movie person, but this one had me. And of course it was good to not have to be responsible and to spend time remembering why we like each other and to get a little dressed up. It had been too long.

Got news this morning about my Aunt, her other tests were good, doctor isn't worried about cysts on her liver and apparently she has a hernia that can be treated with medication. Need to actually talk to her for more details, but it sounds non life threatening, and that's about all I ask for.

I don't know if anyone noticed in my last blog that I mentioned not being able to fall pregnant, and having been sick a lot recently, but in case you didn't I'll put it together for you...

I'm pregnant

It's still really early, I'm trying not to get excited... one in four miscarries, I know I know... I have not been to the doctor yet. Have not told anyone yet (and thus this must stay off Facebook, and all other place on the forum too please) because I don't want to have to un-tell them if something goes badly, and because of my mad guilt issues.

But yes Pregnant! and suffering. Dear Gods I wasn't half as sick last time. I'm grateful Obi's been off work and able to help me because I'm not much use right now.

Small parenting related rant incoming: It irks the shit out of me how my sister always tells me that Isis is such an easy baby - easier than her pets even. Yes, she is generally good-natured, sleeps decently, doesn't cry a whole lot, whatever. Good baby. I know it. BUT some days are worse than others and some days I do struggle. As does Obi. And it kind of makes me feel like shit to be told that she's such an easy baby and all the rest, because obviously there's something wrong with me if I'm losing my shit over a child that's easier to care for than a dog.
I didn't explain that well, but I'm sure someone will understand it.

Last night when we picked Isis up, Bec was telling me how easy Isis is, and how out of the two of us she'll probably get all the difficult children because God gives her the ones that need extra attention/special care/more patience. Because, as she'll tell anyone, I have no patience. I just let it go, but it irritates me a bit. But maybe that's the hormones?

The other thing that's been on my mind is other mums, specifically those in my "birth club". I joined this thing because I've known since two days after I implanted that I'm pregnant, and wanted some nice anonymous people to share excitement with, even though I'm not excited and not getting attached because it's too early... plus it goes right to my phone, cool right?
Anyway, fuck. The more time I spend talking to women the more I'm convinced I'm probably a man. They're crazy.

Like. Woah. Some of them start testing for pregnancy a week before their period is even due (and here I was thinking that was like the first test) and they are posting pictures of what might be two lines or might be a shadow, you can't really tell. And from that moment the paranoia sets in. They test every day, sometimes twice a day, and ask each other "Is my line getting darker/lighter?"

Some of them still have old tests from their previous pregnancies years before. YOU PEED ON THAT THING WOMAN! THROW IT OUT! and I'm just like I'll sit in this corner over here.... Some of them panic because OMG the line is much too dark it must be twins! No, wait, breathe.... see your doctor. Shit man. The panic. They are scared of the births, the tests, the stretchmarks, miscarriages, sex.... just so much fear and stress

Anyway, I don't think I'll last very long, as much as I'd be open to making new friends. I just don't worry enough. I eat less fish and don't drink grog and that's it for me, but everyone else is rushing off for prenatal yoga (why? It's the size of a grape, you're not going to hurt it) and booking their doctors. I feel a bit like the square peg. But I'm mostly fine with that.

I'm thinking we'll probably tell immediate family this weekend, and then everyone else can wait until the 2nd Tri... or... whenever. I'm feeling very private about this (not like me at all I know) and... vulnerable.

Super excited for this weekend. Only working three hours tomorrow and it's Obi's birthday on Sunday.

And I'm making a new human. Life is good. But feel vulnerable, eep.