Tattoos:
I'm obsessed. And I'm not even interested in something small, I want a lot of work. Say from the bottom of my calf to where a garter would go on my thigh. And then maybe a few years later I'd get the ankle and foot as well. But maybe not. A lot of shoes don't look great with tattoos, and I do want to be able to keep them hidden.
But where do I find an artist who will be able to understand what I want (because I'm so bad at explaining) enough to draw it? And then I'd need to find someone with the style and talent to pull it off. Or I need a person with all these skills. Though, I'd like it best if I had a concept drawing at least before I sought out a tattoo artist. Seeming I don't have the money right now and wouldn't get a tat while pregnant anyway. I know the risk is minimal, but it's not for me.

I've been putting a lot of thought into what I want, and how to make it all work. I'd like my family's totem animals drawn in an almost circus-y style (but not overly creepy) all put together as "horses" on a merry-go-round. It's 1:30 am, I can't remember the adult word for that. Pretty sure it starts with C. Whatever. But! Despite being married and all, I'm not sure it's a fantastic idea to get such a blatant reminder/connection to Obi tattooed on my body. I've always been a big believer that you don't tattoo anything unless the person is dead or they came out of your vagina. But at the same time, this peace looks amazing in my imagination. The bottom of it would have some lovely scrolly writing, most likely part of the Charge of the Goddess - "If whatever you seek you find not within yourself, you shall never find it without. For behold, I have been with you since the beginning and am that which is attained at the end of desire".
The top of the Carousel -that's it! - is harder to envision as I want the whole piece to wrap completely around my calf and merge into other pieces, but it will likely involve scroll-work of some kind on one side, perhaps connecting to a crown on the other. The crown is a spiritual thing that I'm not sure I could put to words even if I wasn't dog tired waiting for Obi to finish up his damned tribal wars. On the scroll-side, the curls would gradually move up and become tree roots, part of Ygdrassil/the world tree which would "grow" up the side of my leg, past my knee.

* Next day * I'm almost afraid to re-read that ramble ^ haha. Where was I?
Right, tree. So under the tree's branches, above my knee, I want the Black Rabbit of Inle. If you haven't read Richard Adam's Watership Down, you should. Anyway, this book shaped who I am, oddly enough. And it's weird, because this makes me a total hypocrite... generally if I see tattoos about TV shows or to a lesser extent books (I have a greater respect for books) I can't help but cringe a little. Like, I know you love Disney/Game of Thrones/Harry Pothead but is that worth marking your skin with? You don't have any actual claim to the material either. I don't know, part of my brain just thinks it's weird and lame and wrong and pathetic. And yet, I still want to do it. See that's the great thing about being me, I realise I'm an arsehole
With the black rabbit, I want the quote "What is, is what must be". They are pretty much the words I live by. I'm very big on acceptance, it helps me find peace.

Sometime later, on the back of my thigh, I'd like to add a tat for getting my duel citizenship. Maple leaves dancing in the wind, forming the shape of the southern cross. It would also be "under" the tree. The leaves of the tree would fade into sky, and at the very top I might finish it off with a couple of patches of scales - something to symbolize this book series I'm writing, as it might very well be my greatest achievement and even if it isn't, it's a huge part of my life.

This isn't all I want. I have a lot more ideas, but it's what I want to start with. This is me trying to stop myself getting carried away.

Book:
Thinking of the books, I'm finally getting into the head-space to finish editing the last two chapters of book one, and add an epilog. Yay progress. I love my work. It's bringing me great happiness. I'm thinking of taking the laptop with me on the cruise in case I want to write.


Work:
Work has been good. My co-workers, for the most part, are a blessing! The next person who thinks they have the right to tell me I'm having twins or obviously have my due date wrong is going to get an earful though. I'm not even that big! These people need to STFU!
Yesterday though I found out that part of the reason I'm not getting the shifts I need is my availability is set from 8am- 2pm. Ugh! Now a couple of months ago my supervisor was talking to me about call-ins and she said that I'd probably prefer to work mornings, being a family woman now. And I admitted that was true, but at the same time I thought I'd made it clear I would work any shift she gave me. I guess I wasn't clear enough! So yesty I luckily had this bought to my attention, I fixed my availability and made a formal request for more hours. I've been averaging 12-15 hours a week, I'm asking to double that. They won't and if they did I don't know that my body could handle it for an extended period of time. But I will do what I have to do for my family.
Also, my leave for the cruise was granted no problems, and my supervisor who loves me is aware I won't stop working to give birth to this baby as I'm not due for leave. She was great about it, and I know when the time comes she'll do whatever she can to make my life suck less.
I know being a checkout chick isn't glamorous, and my company has a lot of bad ethical practices, but I really do love my job.

Money:
I had the biggest relief ever yesterday. See it all started because there's a travel expo today - a great chance to get discounted flights (if you're in Sydney, it's on tomorrow too at Homebush Bay.) and Obi and I had discussed going. But here's where we stand: We have 5 grand. Sounds like plenty right? But it isn't. Because this last 5g is the supplement for the income I'm not bringing in and it needs to last until Obi gets a job. And that could be tomorrow, but it could also be a long time from now. I think of Kelly, and of her SO and how he struggled for a year and never got work. That could be us, we're half way there after all.
Anyway, considering I don't let us buy a lot of things anymore - Like coke, junk food, or any meat that's more than $5/kg - It was becoming increasingly hard for me to swallow getting a plane ticket. But family and weddings are important, I know I would never consider not going if it were my family... but yesterday we were talking and Obi's like "I wish I didn't have to go. I don't even want to go!" and I know he feels bad for that, like a bad brother or something, but I remember even when we were talking about her first wedding he didn't particularly want to go to that either. But that time he actually approved of the union and we were in the wedding party, this time neither is true. I'd completely forgotten he didn't actually want to go, because I was so caught up in duty. And well, because I don't understand it. I don't understand how he can not want to jump at any opportunity to go home, or how he doesn't really miss people back there. Doesn't ever actually want to Skype his family. (Why are we moving back again?) anyway, so I'm like "Then don't go. We can't afford it anyhow!"

Relief! I'm disappointed. I really wanted to go, see his family, not have his parents come here, show off the new baby and our incredibly talented firstborn who would be a flowergirl... you know.. but it doesn't mean we won't go up this year. It just means the pressure is off for now. He will still try and make his school reunion/camping trip, the date of which isn't set yet, and we know one of his best mates is secretly engaged and is planning to marry is Sept or Oct. At the very least I'm sure we will make it there for Xmas (though that will suck because Owlie will be 2 years and thus will need her own seat). But right now, it's one less huge expense to worry about. I don't yet know how his family will take the news.

Also, I just got back from visiting Bec and she gave us a massive bag of food. Fresh fruit and veg, a little meat, and a sticky date pudding. I've had the worst junk food cravings, you don't even know! But yeah, super appreciated! So we'll have a big veggie meal tonight, for the first time in way too long. Yes, I get excited about vegies, what of it?

I'm probably well over the word limit, I've written this in four sittings. >.> Oh well. Also, I'm super stoked to have seen a couple of blogs from TwoThree! Now if only Tanja would show up and give us an update....
Have a great weekend folks!