I have thoughts and Obi is not home, so I will ignore the pile of dishes and type.

So, I have mum friends now. Which has been awesome. One is the chick that lives upstairs who was just fabulous to me (a stranger) during my first pregnancy. The other I met at the first chick's daughter's birthday party - except she already knew me. She'd seen me at the gym and reckoned she wanted to be mates but didn't know how to approach me. And then, there's the girl next door.

Well, she's a woman, not a girl.
We're... aquaintances? I'd like to be friends with her, but unlike the other two ladies, she can't/won't take the first step. Which would leave it up to me, and I don't know how to make friends. But I really like her. She's had my back a couple of times, and is always lovely to talk to. But we really don't know each other.

She's knocked up (3rd baby). So are both my mum friends (2nd baby) and of course me too. All due this year, though I'm poping first. So we feel a bit linked, you know?

But there's a lot that bothers me with GND's situation.

She's Indian. As is her husband. He's been in Oz over ten years, but went home to get a "real" Indian wife, and bought her back with him. He keeps her pretty well under control, culture blah blah, insert respect here. Anyway.. When I first got pregnant with Simmy I had heard GND was pregnant too. But then I got fat, and she didn't, so I thought I must have been mistaken.

No. Turns out that at her dating ultrasound there was no heartbeat. But her doctor (and I don't know what the hell kind of doctor does this) told her that a "miracle might happen" and so she went home thinking everything would be ok. Sometime later she shows our friend upstairs (who is a midwife) her scans, and my friend's like "This is very bad, you need to go back to the doctor!"

Anyway, GND doesn't miscarry. The embryo stays inside her for six weeks before she's induced (painful!) and she winds up with a nasty infection and bounces in and out of hospital for a while. I had assumed I hadn't seen her because she must have terrible morning sickness, but no, not the case. So she's in a lot of pain, can't take care of herself, can't stop bleeding... very very sick. Her husband's solution to this problem was to invite his parents (not hers, his) to come live with them for THREE YEARS to help out. Which I'm sure would be fine if:

1) The MIL didn't think of GND as a personal slave. This woman thinks young women need to work hard. So she won't let GND buy a washing machine, for example. She's washing hers, her in-laws, her husband's and their two kids clothes all by hand... when friend upstairs and I would both happily allow her to use our machines here. But she can't because she's too afraid of what her MIL might do.
2) They had proper housing. They don't. I only learnt this today, but they are all living in one room out the back of their take-away shop. They don't have a proper shower or a bath. Or privacy. GND has since gotten pregnant again, and the mind boggles at that seeming they are all sleeping in one room.

I can hear her little girl crying right now. I know the MIL hits the children (4 and 2 years old, roughly) across the face. I've also heard her yell and hit them on more than one occasion. I fear for them. I fear for GND too, but apparently he doesn't hit her - which makes him a "good husband". She needs to raise her standards.

Of course, that comes down to education doesn't it?

He won't let her get her citizenship. He wont allow her to sponsor her family to move over, even though they are sponsoring his parents. She works 12 hour days in that shop, and looks after the kids alone. She has "low status" because she hasn't given him a son. She's not allowed to buy herself anything, she has no money. She has no freedom.

I just.. I can't even...

This is wrong. It's wrong on so many levels. I could write more, but I think you get the picture.
I walk past her shop a few times a day, and she's there working, or sitting waiting for customers. Just sitting and waiting for hours and hours a day. One of her little girls has pre-school a couple days a week now, but the rest of the time both kids are there too. Unstimulated. All that potential not being nurtured. But who cares? They are just girls.

Fuck me, you want to live like that, go back home. I know that sounds racist... but... I don't know... just.. don't bring that shit here! You know? We are equals here (ok, not entirely but good enough!) more importantly we are free. We can expect more than to not be hit or yelled at too often. How dare he think he has the right to say she can't get citizenship? (FYI, here, PR is considered a part of the "pathway to citizenship." You can only renew it so many times. Which essentially means that after about ten years, you can no longer leave the country or you will lose it entirely. The time will come where she can't see her family any more.) How dare she not be entitled to the money she earns seven days a week?

I can't fathom a world where this is ok. And yet, it's not 20 meters away. I can see it from this chair. Hear their children's voices in my loungeroom. Because I'm blessed enough to have a loungeroom.

Part of my mind screams "Call DOCs!" (department of children's services) and I've had that on my mind for a while before I learnt about their living situation. But then, could I live with myself if I had this beautiful spirit's children taken away? They are probably her life's only joy. Could I sleep at night knowing that not all kids that go into care end up in the same homes as their siblings? Growing up that was one of the things we were scred of. Ma had DoCs called against her a couple of times, but Bec and I always knew what to do and say to make sure they left us with her - because not only did we not want to be taken away, but we didn't want to be taken from each other.

I've heard that DoCs have case workers that can educate people. Come into the home and teach them about better ways to live, help them get proper housing and such. And if they sent a male case worker, the husband might even let that person help. Otherwise she'd just be sent away, like the councillor GND was getting help from after her hospital visits.
But even so there'd be the risk that the kids wouldn't be left in that situation. Just as much as there's the risk no one would help at all, such is the system.

I don't know. I guess this is why ignorance is bliss. I was a lot less troubled before I knew so much. I know at the very least this woman is worth me putting my fears aside to befriend; if I could just brighten some of her days that would be a start. Except right now I don't know where to start.

Thanks for listening.