And man that was getting me down hard this morning! I'm alright now, because I napped, it's sunny and I know I am blessed, but damn. I spoke to Obi about it, and he was less than helpful too. I know my ticker says I have like two weeks, but the date I put in there isn't technically correct. It's a guide. But that's the thing with your EDD - it's a guide. A guess date. It's not a magical date where your baby will appear. It's the turning point - a one day grace period - between not being "due" and being "overdue".
Last time, I didn't care that I went over. Other people cared - and nagged, fuck them - but I knew it was normal, so no panic. But, Owlie was still growing steadily. Simmy isn't. I became aware two weeks ago that something was amiss when I weighed myself at the gym and saw I hadn't put on weight. (I don't own scales) I remembered back to when I last checked my weight, it had been a while. So I texted my midwife and asked about it, realising that the day before when we'd had our appointment she hadn't measured my fundal height either. See, if the height was fine, but I wasn't gaining weight, I'd assume Simmy had gained and I'd lost. She was all "don't even worry about it" but I was still worried.

Well I'm close with the midwife living upstairs, so I texted her as well and she came right down, measured me and listed to the heartbeat etc. Baby's heart is fine, kicks are fine - though sometimes a little sluggish (that can be bad, but because she is still able to put some force into it, and does a few times a day I assume maybe it's just cramped in there.) but I was measuring behind. We talked and I decided to wait a week, we'd measure again and go from there. A week passes, and now I'm measuring a month behind. I gained maybe half a pound - or maybe I just really needed a piss at the time I weighed myself. So that's not good. Katie (that's her name btw) suggests I get a referral for a "growth and wellbeing" ultrasound, which checks on the size of the baby slightly more accurately (not a whole lot, but still) and should tell me if there's a knot in the cord or if my placenta is giving up which would cause a halt in growth and would mean I need to take action.

I got that. My doctor was a dick to me about it and asked me not to come back (he's not comfortable with home-birth apparently, but couldn't have told me that like nine months ago), but hey at least he gave me the referral. Only problem there is when I called the hospital, they refused to give me an urget placing, because I won't be birthing there. Even though I am registered to birth there in case I transfer, my care is apparently not their problem. They offered me the 7th of May. Well mate, if this baby is still in there on the 7th I've got bigger problems. I can't go to a different hospital, because you have to go to the one closest to you unless it's a dinky small town one with no facilities. Great. So that leaves me with the option of trying to find one and paying out of pocket for it - because money opens doors.
Shits me to bloody tears. Every idiot goes on about how unsafe home birth is, yet they don't make it any safer by giving us home birthers a lower standard of care.

Annnyway, with the public holiday weekend I haven't had to think much on this, and Simmy has been very active and putting my mind at ease too, but I would still like to get her on the other side of my skin where I can take better care of her, feed her up and just know she's alright. Reasonable I think. But I tell Obi I'm feeling a bit depressed because she didn't come this weekend (would have been perfect, keeping in mind neither of us can take time off work right now) and he's like "But you haven't reached your due date". The words of a man who gets to sleep at night, the deep sleep of a man who isn't and never will be impregnated.

He's since apologised for that total lack of support, but he still doesn't seem to get it. Oh well, he let me nap and cleaned my kitchen. I'll live.
But even baby worries aside, I'd still want this done. My hips are killing me. I've had nearly constant practice contractions for a week and... Let me tell you something really fucking gross. I'll put it in spoilers tags, so that if you've never had kids, are afraid of pregnancy or have a weak stomach you can pass it by.



Pregnancy stuff aside, life is good. My blessing shower thing was lovely, if a little awkward and lame to begin with. It was fun not knowing who would be there and seeing some mates I hadn't seen in a long while. Seeing Angie and the kids was a blessing too, but too short as always. Saw them for the party, (so three hours ish) then dinner the next night (two hours?) and of course we saw them all day for the show (even longer with my favourite niece. Obi insisted on driving to the show in case I went into labour (we even packed a "holy shit baby!" bag just in case) and thus we had to get there pretty much when it opened to get a park. So we had a spare seat in our car and asked Angie to pick a kid who'd be organized early enough to come with us. She chose the one I like best, thankfully and that was awesome. Obi had someone to go on rides with, there were no crowds or waiting yet and she got some special time. I imagine in a family of four kids one parent, there's not a lot of one-on-one or time without the sibs.) But even so, it's not really enough. You don't get to talk or bond much. We need to go down there and spend a week or something. You know, when we have money again.

Thinking of the show, last year I fell in love with this orchid jewelry. They are real flowers preserved in resin. Orchids are by far my favourite flower. Anyway, by the time I saw it, and then found the place it was being sold, all the stall were closing and I missed my chance. I suppose I could have googled it and I told myself I would, but I never did. I'm glad I didn't because each piece is different even if it's the same kind. It's the type of thing I'd want to really examine before buying. So this year we made it a priority to find this shop, and they were there. And it was so hard to choose! I wanted everything! But at the same time I don't wear really large jewelry, so it was hard to find pieces I would be comfortable to wear or would go with outfits or whatever.
In the end, I bought one that looks like this:
EDIT: Ok so the pictures don't work. Have a link to their necklace page: http://orchidtreasures.com.au/shop/category/necklaces/

And pretty blue/green petal earrings, that he sold me as a "set" (cheaper) even though they don't go together. I tried to leave after that... but I couldn't. I could not tear myself away. I wanted more. I turned to Obi to give me some backbone and he's like "So, buy another set! You waited a year after all..." So guiltily I did exactly that. I hope to take photo soon, to show off this set. Especially since the website is being lame about me linking photos. But they are orange! and stunning!!


I am in love. Now I need to get a little display tree for them, because the boxes they come in are shoddy and anyhow I want to stare at them and touch them all the time. Unfortunately, there's no room for that frivolous shit, so it'll go in the "box of things I dream about"
And that's enough ramble for one day.

Thank you to the people who have been keeping their blogs up to date. I haven't really been around much, too tired, but I do read the blogs even when I don't comment, and I like knowing what everyone is up to. xx