Guests, like fish, smell bad after three days, right?

So, it's been a little rocky. The weekend was mostly good, but by the time we got there I was so freaking stressed that I had trouble winding down and.. well.. forgiving. Today, so far, has been good too. I'm trying, actively trying, to be a good person. That doesn't come naturally, either. For example, there's the baby talk. We all know Miriam can't handle it. I had a house rule with Isis that there would be no baby talk - and I chipped people on it. If I'm not around, fine, but if you're in my home, can it - alright? And I don't care if it helps them develop. You don't need to use the same voice with my child as you do with your cat. End of story.

But so far I've been able to swallow it this time. There's lots of parts of his parenting style I don't really like, or I don't enforce myself, but I let slide too, because I don't want to impede on his relationship with my daughters. I don't want to interfere with his grandparent experience. I've done enough of that just living where I do right?
But it still drives me crackers. Like, dear lord, Canadians speak really fucking slowly at the best of times, so slowing down to a drawl and putting on a "cute" voice is just... grating. I have to seriously use my breathing techniques to get through it, so I don't say anything nasty.

But that's petty. And I know it. And it wouldn't get to me so much if there weren't other bigger things.

Like the other day I breastfed for pretty much three hours without a break. The only break I did get was the few times when Selene somehow lost my nipple (it's right there!!! Still half in your face!! Gods, how did our species survive so long?) and started screaming. So I was stressed enough. He's in the kitchen drinking my special expensive coffee by the table spoon and tells me "someone needs to clean up this mess" before sitting back on his arse on my lounge.

Later that same day, I put Isis down for a nap, and laid down for a nap on the lounge (because I can't risk Selene waking Isis mid nap, and thus need to be in the same room with her). And I couldn't sleep a wink, because the whole time I laid there he sat in Obi's computer chair and just stared at me. For over an hour!! Sitting there staring. Do something man!! Check your email, play a video game, go for a walk - ANYTHING! But no, he sat there and watched me as the sun went down, ending with him just sitting there in the darkness.
Then Isis wakes unexpectedly from her nap and cries. Usually she talks to herself when she wakes up, so that got my attention. I start moving toward the room, when he walks past me to get her. I tell him to make sure she's ok and just tuck her back in, it's not time to get her up. He acknowledges that, but a few minutes later out he comes carrying her. "She didn't want to sleep" he says as she rubs her face. Once she's within four feet I can smell exactly what the problem was, so no doubt he could smell it too. It would have been a simple thing to change her and put her back down, but instead he brings her into the family room, plays with her a bit, and then by the time I find out there's a problem, there's no hope of picking up that nap where it left off. At that point I had a go at him. I'm like "I know my kids, I do this every day. ALL DAMN DAY. Regarding my children, if I ask for something to be done a certain way, you need to listen to that".

I might have been nicer if I'd actually gotten a nap, but I didn't and now I wouldn't get anything else done either. Fantastic.

Just little things like that. But it's getting better. He's been doing the dishes (which isn't my chore, it's Obi's but hey, I enjoy a clean kitchen even if it's not my work load that's getting lessened) and went out for a while alone today which gave me time to chill.

Tomorrow's my birthday. Obi's taking me out to one of my fav restaurants. It's this fancy fine-dining place with amazing food combinations I would never dream up. I've discovered the trick of it though, their entree's are gorgeous but their mains don't measure up, so when we go I just order two entree's And I can have a drink or two. Or six if I like, I have milk in the freezer! It's a bit lame that Obi doesn't get home til 7pm, but that's probably for the best. I'd like to go out and just not think... Obi had originally suggested dinner and a movie, but dad will be watching the kids and he expects us to be home fast. I know this because he's told me a couple of times "you won't be gone that long" - like when I told him you can leave the breast milk at room temp for 3-4 hours. "You won't be gone that long". What? I'm not allowed to go out for four hours for my birthday? Well, there goes seeing a movie! But that's ok, we shouldn't stay out late on a work night and I'm not a big movie person anyway. I guess I'm just spoilt, when Bec has the kids she's content to keep them forever, probably wouldn't care if I never came back lol, so the idea that I have to be mindful of the time is a bit... uncomfortable.
But of course if we just got Bec to take the kids, dad would be offended.


I'd have really loved to have dinner with Obi then meet Bec and Chris and go bowling (I freaking love ten pin bowling) because we never get to do anything the four of us as adults anymore as Bec is my go-to baby sitter but again, Dad would likely be offended.

So, 27. Yikes. I feel like I stopped aging at 23, or like I'm 24 max... but the face in the mirror doesn't tell the same story. There are lines that weren't there before. My skin isn't quite as nice, and of course I look as tired as I feel. I want to slow this ride down. Keep my babies as babies, stretch out my time here in God's country, and stay young myself. I'm starting to fear hitting 30, which isn't like me. I've never been afraid of aging before, so why now? (Other than the fact that psychic man said my marriage would be over at 30 >.> But what does he know? Bec never did have her summer fling with a blonde guy like he predicted)

In other news, I'm running out of things to make with almond meal, but I'm not running out of said almond meal. It's a pain in the arse really. I made breakfast bars, rhubarb crumble and two loaves of bread and I still have half the stuff left! How is almond milk going to become part of my every day life when I can't deal with the byproduct?

I'm too sleepy to keep rambling, yet my milk isn't in, the baby is asleep and bed seems a million years away... Good night all you beautiful people!

P.S - someone asked on my other blog if we get a discount with the midwife because she missed the exciting part of the birth... no, we don't. That's part of the contract. You pay the fee regardless of them not making it in time or even if you transfer to the hospital. It's a little bogus, but then, it's a package including your antenatal and postnatal care, medications you might require (like the anti-D. I know that must have cost my midwife a pretty penny), having someone on-call, and for access to their educational resources.