Hola blogsters!

Ok, I'll stop. Seriously though, I've been a slack friend and a slacker blogger. Leave an update in the comments so I know how you're going? It's probably going to be a little while before I get fully on my feet socially, but I don't want to be completely out of touch with everyone.

So things here are... hmm, is there a word to summarize? Well today things are great. Bec came around this morning to drop some food off (her second job is in hospitality, so she often gets free food.) and I convinced her to stay with me rather than going to work. She's been working both jobs every day, back to back. Fuck that man, I can't hold down one full time job never mind two. Woman has balls. Anyway, so she called sick to the job she hates and looked after my brats while I got some things done. Like cleaning my bathroom. Hallelujah! So she stayed until Isis went down for her nap (she's still down, won't get up until dinner, which I don't have to cook huzzah) and I actually have free time. I kinda don't know what to do with it, honestly. Selene's slept pretty much all day, which I might regret later, but I figure I can take them both for a long walk after dinner, then bath her, give her a baby massage etc and she'll be good and tired to sleep again tonight. And if she isn't Obi will take care of it, because he's watching a movie with his workmates after work and will probably feel like he owes me one.

Yesterday? That's another story. Yesterday was shit. Quite possibly the worst day I've had so far. Isis is teething again, she's clingy and whingy, doesn't want to eat and drools everywhere. To make that more fun she feel over in the laundry and hit her head so hard on the corner of the door sh broke a piece off. Must have bloody hurt, poor thing, but the crying for an hour afterwards felt a bit excessive. Of course because she feels like arse, she gets extra mad about the time spent with Selene. Who was, if possible, an even bigger pain in my arse yesterday. She must have been reaching a new developmental stage or something because she was restless all day, didn't have a proper sleep, and dear lord the crying. My house was so dirty and doing my head in, I was trying to do my online job but couldn't, tried to have a nap and rock the bouncer at the same time... by 6pm I was in tears begging her to stop crying, so so very afraid I'd lose it and start shaking her or something. It's so hard to be at the end of your control, to love someone so much yet be terrified you're going to snap and do them harm. They are your worst enemy, you are your worst enemy, and you're just praying the other kid sleeps through the crying. Anyway, so my mate Laura sent me a text and was all "I'm about to pass your place, should I stop in and pick up the yogurt you made me?" and I'm all "Now's not a good time..." and she's all "let me help" but seriously by this point I was beyond being able to be helped, I was a fucking mess.

Of course, I was so far gone the paranoia started to get me. I guess that's what happens when mentally unsound people decide it's a fantastic idea to have children. So I convinced myself that Isis was dead in her cot. That she'd hit her head so hard she had a concussion (I know what to look for, and knew in my right mind this was not the case) and that was why she'd overslept by an hour. This warred with the fear of waking her and then having two crying children to deal with, but eventually fear won over logic and I barged into the room and she was fine. Probably thought mummy is an idiot. Back to Laura, she's still texting me, I'm still crying and too mortified to let anyone into my house at this point so I send her away, throw my brats in my fabulous pram that I love and take them for a walk. Of course I get five meters down the road and Selene turns back into a perfect normal miniature human. I turn the corner and there's Laura, on her way back to my place to help me, not taking no for an answer. Apparently she could hear the screaming baby from the footpath. So we wandered the neighborhood until 7 when I knew Obi would be home. Smart man was already ordering some Thai, knowing shit must have hit the fan and there wasn't going to be dinner if he didn't.

So yes. My life right now bounces between blissful and the pits of despair. I'm lucky to have Laura too, even though she pisses me off more often than not. Woman is very pushy and very opinionated, which is cool, but she can't agree to disagree. She is right, and she will keep pushing her view at you until you distract her and change the point. Can't we just respect each other and accept that our views are different? Well apparently not. But her heart is in the right place.

The last of dad's visit went well enough. I feel he tried to be more helpful by the end and he did learn to go out for a few hours each day so I could have space. But by the time it was over I was a mess, no joke. I worked that weekend too, so I didn't get a true break, then Monday morning rolled around and I had a complete breakdown. I begged Obi not to go to work, I was having panic attacks at the idea that soon my children would be awake and I'd be alone with them... This was after a particularly bad night with Selene, my house was trashed, and I was dealing with all the residue anger from dad being in my face for so long. Ugh. But there were good days to balance that one, I got a day alone with just Selene, and learnt that she's really not that bad of a baby, and that really helped.

Actually up until yesterday I'd had a run of great days. Also, I have one shift left at work (which I'm really tempted to call in sick for, as I can't accept payment for it) before I go on mat leave. Now I can't accept pay because the government think I went on leave on the 9th, but I didn't ask for leave from work until I got approved for payment by the government so they think I can work til the 16th. If I log hours at my job and get audited, the government can take away the payments and thus I won't get leave so I don't want to risk it. But yes... YAY! Weekends with my family <3

We're looking at a new unit too. We've put in the application, just waiting for the landlord to approve the work that needs to be done (it's being converted from an office space, so needs an oven, kitchen benches, taps for my washing machine, a wall to make a second bedroom and for some electrical stuff to be done, otherwise the lights in the lounge room and bedroom will be on the same switch) and approve us. I can't see why they wouldn't approve us, Obi's job pays well and we have significant savings. But yeah.. so hopeful. This unit is MASSIVE. Good location, has a car space...everything we need except a bathtub and we can get around that. I just want to know if we get it or not! Waiting sucks.

In other news, just bought these hats from etsy, hope they look as great on me as they do on her!




Figure they are a great way to hide my horrible hair as it grows out. I no longer look like Beiber, I just look bad. And it's winter.

So yeah, that's about it in a nutshell. Sorry I've been so slack. The messages of love and support have really helped even though I couldn't bring myself to reply to most of them. It's great to have such a supportive community at my back.
Much love for all of you xx