Rentals:

My anxiety has been so crazy today. It's been a bit of a struggle in general lately, but today I feel like a taunt wire. I think the biggest thing I hate about renting is how the real estate treat you during the moving out process. Which is to say: like shit. They want to hold open houses twice a week (at least - sometimes they will open a place more if a prospective tenant asks for a specific appointment) from the moment you give your notice. You have to give three weeks notice (that is to say you have to pay rent for three weeks from the date you tell them you're going to move) and unless you have the money and the inclination to pay two lots of rent for a couple of weeks you don't want a lot of overlap between when you move and your end date. Now I totally understand why they want to get people in as soon as possible, they'll lose a lot of money if the unit is empty for any length of time. I get it.

At the same time however having strangers in my house with access to all my stuff when I'm not there (they prefer you to be absent when they are showing the unit) is particularly unsettling. The fact that my house is an absolute fucking sty about sends me into hyperventilation mode. I did my very best today to make it presentable, but there's only so much I can do with two needy humans underfoot. So there's still scuff marks and dirty hand prints all over the walls, the bathroom has a mold problem as do two of the windows, the nappy people come tonight so I have several days worth of dirty nappies starting to overflow the bucket, 9 boxes already packed and sitting in the lounge room with a massive stack of flat empty ones and I can't remember the last time I wiped down the front of the cupboards... and that's only the half of it. I don't want people I love who wouldn't judge me coming in at the moment, never mind strangers and the arseholes at the real estate.

And that's the other thing - the fear of losing the bond. The bond is four weeks worth of rent, more than $1000. And I know they can't try to take it until after the final inspection and I have time to really clean up (once all our stuff is out of the way that will be a million times easier!) but they are so strict it's hard not to worry. And of course you never want to do anything to get yourself a bad record. References are everything. Well, that and income, of course.

It's been a fight for when they want to come through too. I said no to last Saturday because I was just completely unprepared for the phone call. I panicked and said no. Strange fact of the day: If you ever want something from me, call first thing in the morning. The later it is in the day, the more likely I will say no. But even with time to think it would likely still have been a no. It was the winter solstice last weekend and that's a big deal in my household. It's like asking to do business on Easter or Christmas - just no
And then they kept choosing times in the late afternoon when my kids have their big nap and I actually have an undisturbed moment to drink coffee, blog, clean and make dinner. I'm not giving that up. Why is it so hard to come before 3pm?!

So they came today at 2:30pm, and they'll be here again in the middle of the day on Saturday.

Friends:

Because they wanted me out for today's open house I thought I'd go over the road and have a quick cuppa with Laura (sadly not either of our Lauras from here). Of course the kids weren't thrilled because it was getting late, and I made the epic mistake of not changing Selene before we left the house so she was pretty fussy. Exactly what I needed when the anxiety was taking over (By the time I left I actually got stuck at the bottom of the driveway for a while, too scared to leave but also too scared to remain at home. It was horrible. Then all these people started waiting out the front for the agent... ugh.)

Ok, so, side information:
Laura is super helpful. She loves to help. She is also never ever wrong, does not compromise and all in all is both a terrible nag and a terrible cook. I have struggled with her over-helpfulness lately, but I can't seem to get her to back off.

Example one: She wants to cook for me. Loves to cook. But the meals she prepares in bulk for her family/neighbors/church is all stuff I don't really eat. Heavily meat based dishes, only uses frozen veggies, no pasta or rice or potatoes ever. I could probably get past that if they tasted good but they don't. Even Obi takes what she prepares and re-cooks it to add flavour and that man if renowned for his garbage-disposal like eating habits. And I've tried to diplomatically say "I appreciate this, but it's not food we eat, please stop bringing food around" but instead she pushes to find out what we do eat so she can make that just for us (and just as badly.)

Now, it was really helpful for the first two weeks with Selene, and the lasagna she made was fantastic. I recognise and appreciate that. But I don't need that help anymore. Most of the time anyway. And when I do fail at life there's a good Thai place around the corner. But every time I see her she's nagging at me about what I eat, how can I be so thin and eat so many carbs, and can she bring me dinner tonight. No woman! What part of no don't you understand?

Example two: She's very into play group. She's made lots of friends at these things and so pressures both myself and midwife-upstairs-Katie to go to them too. She knows I have an anxiety problem. I've gone to playgroup once to please her and it was boring as shit, not to mention both Isis and I got sick. I have no desire to go back. I mean, think about it - what socially anxious pagan wants to hang out at a church with 30+ strangers?
So she came up with this brilliant idea that she could take Isis to playgroup to give me time with Selene. I like this plan, on the condition that Isis only goes to the one in this suburb, she is not to take my kid to the group in the next suburb the location of which I don't know and can't get to in a hurry if need be, and I asked her to hold off until Selene is vaccinated.

Yesterday morning there's a very insistent knock on my window. And there she is with her little boy, ready to take Isis to play group. And I'm like "I said not til Selene gets her shots, she's unprotected" and she's all "Oh, I thought you meant you and Selene will join us once she's vaccinated." I cleared that up. But she didn't leave!
In the end I bowed to the pressure and let her take Isis to play group because I just got sick of repeating myself, but I felt really bullied. Now it was blissful having those couple of hours to get some much needed stuff done, and I was quite thankful for that, but even when I picked Isis up she was telling me she'll be over tomorrow to get Isis for the out-of-suburb group. And I'm like "the answer is still no. You are not taking my child out of the suburb with you." I've only known this woman like 9 months, she can't drive, has a medical condition and is always telling me stories about losing her son. I've been there on one occasion where she lost him. So.. no. Just no.

Thankfully she didn't show up this morning. Back to meeting for coffee today. She asks me if I want her to take Selene with her while she does her shopping so that I can have a break. I explain that I will get a break in twenty odd minutes because it's nap time, so thanks but no. Am I sure? Yes. Because it would be no problem. No, that's fine.
Selene's fussing, so she asks if I want her to hold the baby. "Thank you, but I want to cuddle her, haven't had much of a chance with all the work I've done today. " She then asks me four more times - in a row! - before I tell her none too nicely "I am capable to look after my own children!" And she apologizes. We talk about how I don't need her to bring me a chicken or tuna risotto for dinner for a while and then she asks to hold the baby again. And I'm like fine, whatever, and I hand her over. Of course at this point her son wants to hold the baby himself, which he also requested the previous morning. I'd been changing Isis and I hear from the lounge room "oh she's heavy!" and "Maybe I should sit to hold her". This boy is three years old. She probably weighs half what he does! Laura was also holding Selene, thankfully, she didn't just pass my child over, but still... ask me first! Why is that so hard? I make my ten year old nephew sit to hold a baby, never mind a three year old!
Anyway, so he's now asking her repeatedly to hand my baby over, and I'm like "I wonder where he learnt to be such a nag!" haha.

Isis lets me know she'd done with this, and I was feeling the same. Selene obviously needed the kind of help the coffee place wasn't providing, it was just time to go. So I apologize for the short visit, (she hadn't finished her coffee so I felt rude to go, but I couldn't cope with staying) and I start packing my kids into the pram. At which point she asks me twice more if I want her to keep Selene with her for an hour or so and I about lost it then. I told her very bluntly there is a line between helpful and just plain overbearing and to knock it off already and said goodbye.

I felt even more stressed after hanging out than before. It's not supposed to work like that!

The redeeming factor:

When I got home there was a lovely letter from my new real estate waiting in my mail box. My new lease is prepared, so I can only assume the work is done, and I can pick up the keys on Saturday. OMG!!! It's finally real. I don't even care that I'll have to fork out two sets of rent for two weeks. Obi will finally get to see the new place, I get to see my new kitchen... It's a beautiful thing. Somehow it makes everything just a bit better.


My sex life:

This is obviously TMI, if you're not into that the blog ends here. Thanks for stopping by.

I was hanging around another thread last Sunday and read this:
It's true for me too. So I turned to Obi and I'm like "Don't laugh, but I want you to do something with me..." and I proposed a thirty day challenge. Not a squat challenge or a photo per day, but a thirty days of fucking challenge. And so far it's been wonderful.

Today is day four. We have never EVER had sex or been intimate four days in a row. Ever. I feel fantastic.

The perks of this are that we don't have to wonder if the other person will be up to it, or wonder if we will be too tired. There's no fear of rejection, only acceptance. We both know we are having sex because we've agreed to it. We shook on it even. So the pressure is off and replaced by excitement. All of a sudden it doesn't matter that he doesn't have the libido for this or that I'm so tired I can't say my own name because we are stubborn and neither wants to be the one that pikes.

We've even been making out and I enjoyed it! (Kissing is very difficult for me, I generally don't like it. I'd almost say it's a trigger.)

I look forward to doing it during the day, and in the mornings we always recap about what we liked and we thank each other and stuff. I can't wait to have sex again tonight!