I had an altercation with my sister today and I just really need to write that out of my system, and have a panadol, so I can get on with my day.

We were in the car, coming back from taking Isis to gymbaroo, and she was asking about how likely it is a child will inherit mental health issues. She has a pregnant friend with diagnosed psychosis and stuff. Anyway, I told her her about how when I was pregnant with Selene I'd read an article wherein this woman was looking at whether or not she should have kids and the statistics etc. And that the general gist I got is that yes, if you have a mental illness there's a higher chance (for both nature and nurture reasons) that your children might wind up with one too. In my case that would be depression and anxiety (and maybe SAD. I haven't been diagnosed for that though), and there's a family history of that (alongside other issues) as well.
She mentions at least a couple of times a week how she has "bad nerves" or that her "nerves are playing up". These bad nerves give her panic attacks and she worries all the time about... well.. everything. Additionally she has a lot of baggage from our childhood, which all things considered is fair enough. I'd probably be in the same boat if I didn't have copious amounts of therapy. Sometimes she tells me the memories or the "clouds" are so bad she can't get out of bed in the morning. Literally.
Often she will comment about how she is a magnet for crazy people (Because our mum was bat-shit, her husband is medicated, best friend has psychosis, both her sisters suffer depression and the list goes on).

She talks about her husband for a while and then brings Obi into it saying "I don't know what he has, but he does have something [a mental health issue]". I wasn't defensive at all, but I set her straight. I honestly don't know a person more normal than Obi. He is 100% mentally sound (from what I can tell anyway). Always pretty calm, never wants to hurt himself for no reason and the only thing stopping him getting out of bed in the morning is too many video games the night before.
She lets that one go, because she's got nothing, and goes to me "I guess that's one thing I can be thankful for, any baby I have wouldn't have to worry about that [mental health problems] because there's nothing wrong with me."
I'm like, "Don't you have bad nerves?"
And she's like "Yeah, but everyone has anxiety"

Uh, no they don't.

"Anxiety is a mental health issue" I tell her.

And she flies off the fucking handle.

She repeats to me several times that everyone has anxiety. Which they don't. Yes, everyone feels anxious on occasion when the situation calls for it - that's normal and healthy - a reaction to stimuli. But (correct me if I'm wrong, I'm not a doctor) balanced mentally-stable people don't randomly start panicking about nothing at all. I have an anxiety disorder. I've been diagnosed. I've gotten help. And I know that when I start shaking and feeling sick and I'm terrified to go outside and water the garden because 'they are all looking at me' that my brain is miss-firing. There's nothing there. I just have a mental illness.

Anyway, so she's yelling at me about how dare I say she has a mental illness (which, I never directly did. I said anxiety is a mental illness. If she says she has anxiety then.... ) and I can't diagnose her because I'm not her doctor. And I'm like "Well what has your doctor said? Have you spoken to him about your "bad nerves"?"
When the answer of "No, because I don't have a problem" came I knew then with brilliant clarity, that despite all her claims of being ok with mental health issues, despite going on about how there isn't a stigma and how she doesn't know why people are ashamed, she herself is.

Gripping the wheel tight enough I thought she might yank it off the steering column, she tells me "You're giving me anxiety right now by telling me I have a mental health problem when I don't!" and she's all flushed and breathing hard and just... well... sounding a bit like a crazy.

I did manage to talk her down, changing the subject and everything but it was very rattling. Now, let me get this clear. I don't care if she has a disorder or not. I certainly wouldn't wish it on anyone. And I would have just kept my mouth shut if I knew it was a touchy subject but because she's told me repeatedly about her anxiety in the past I kinda just thought it was something we both knew. Like how we both know I suffer with depression and how we both know the sky is blue. I'm shaken because I didn't know it was a big deal. Moreover I didn't realise the whole concept was so horrifying and upsetting to her.

It's like... so it's ok for you to talk about all the crazies in your life and to brag about how good you are at dealing with it and being a support person, but it's such a mind-blowingly shameful thing that you don't want to even consider you yourself might have a problem?

I guess I am sad or offended or whatever because maybe deep down she hasn't changed. Maybe that girl who wrote me a letter while I was still hospitalized about how stupid I was to try and commit suicide is still in her. Maybe that horrible part of her who still laughs about that period in my personal history, who still shames me (either knowingly or unknowingly, I am unsure) isn't half as gone as I had hoped?

I guess it's ok for crazies like me to have mental health problems but she's just better than us.

The kicker? A few hours later, after she dropped us off and was about to leave she said to me (in regards to an event in our childhood) "I think I'm a bit fucked in the head from all that stuff".

Right, so you're fucked in the head, your nerves are shot and you talk about how you display many symptoms of OCD but I'm the crazy one?

Ok, I'm not giving this issue any more of my precious writing time! Thank you for reading.