I know being sick didn't help. Wednesday night I started getting that tickle, those warning signs... I took a bunch of vitamins and drank an extra glass of water but by Thursday morning clearly I had lost the battle. No worries, it was mostly a little head-cold, nothing I couldn't power through, right?
Wednesday saw another development too. My baby belly popped. Worst timing ever, thank you body. Bec noticed right away, which didn't make me feel fantastic at all. So much for feeling like a sexy beast this weekend. Now don't get me wrong, I love the baby body... just later. When you can tell it's a tight baby oven, not when it looks like too much pizza dough is somehow escaping.
Regardless, at the crack of dawn Friday we got on the plane. I know Aussie storms were making news world-wide because a bunch of off-shore people messaged to make sure we were fine, well Queensland was having a good one Friday morning. Our plane got in, but both those before and after us were turned away. Luck! I don't know if I would have lived the return flight if they made us turn around.
I was so sick, it was humiliating. And it took us so long to land. The pain in my face and ears... I have never known such a thing! I could feel the pressure moving the phlegm (You're welcome, haha). I couldn't control the motion sickness, couldn't find the airsick baggies, none of the staff could (or would) help, the toilets were locked for landing and then I lost the ability to hear. It was pretty awful. One of the other passengers produced a couple of bags thankfully (though before I'd filled the napkins staff had given me earlier would have been better
) but if felt like it would never end. Impressive for an hour and ten minute flight.Unlike other horrific flights, getting off the plane didn't fix it, because my sinuses and ears were messed up beyond belief. So I continued to be embarrassingly and nosily ill for the whole half hour cab ride, and then there was the 19 floor freaking lift at the hotel. I had asked Obi to verify there was no chunder on my face and he said I was fine, but somehow he missed the chunk stuck on my shirt, which horrified me with its presence when we finally reached our room.
Of course, the con had already started so he wanted to dump off our bag and head straight down to admin. Uh, you want me to get back in that lift of doom? No, don't think so. We're married, surely that means he can sign me in and pick up my badge/con book, right? Apparently it wasn't as simple as that. But he managed. I had a cup of tea, a shower and prayed that I'd make it through the day... then I was almost ok. I could hear out of one ear by then and could walk straight, what more do I need? So we got our costumes on, and we went to join the convention.
Well, for the most part, it was horrible. I have never been more out of place in my entire life. I couldn't control my anxiety, I could barely breathe even without the anxiety and it really felt like there was just nothing to DO.
See that's the thing with furries. There isn't anything that's specifically furry to do, beyond the cosplay. Once you're dressed and have taken photos with people (please kill me) you just do your regular interests but while pretending to be this half-animal human thing and frankly there's not a whole lot I have in common with your general early-twenty-something homosexual geek. I don't want to listen to panels on D&D, or talk about restoring cars, play poker, learn about the new xbox or watch a screening of Ice Age. There were a few cool things, like they had a "breaking the ice" thing for like an hour were they played a few group games, and if it went longer or we'd been earlier I might have been able to get into it. They had furry charades on one of the days which was hilarious, because seeing someone in a fursuit trying to pull that off is pretty comical. And I was interested in the learn to dance thing. It was break dance/hip hop basics, and I might have gotten past the crippling anxiety if I'd been able to do it... I did make an attempt. But there are some things you're never going to pull off in a corset, boots and with a blocked nose.
So there was a lot of "now what?"
The first day I gave up and had a nap in the arvo, which turned out well. I wouldn't have gotten through the day otherwise. Of course, as soon as I'm out of the way Obi makes friends, stupid extroverts getting everything easy
... and he invites them to dinner. (Dinner which we had already booked for two) Even though one of the hardest things to do as a person with anxiety is to eat in a social setting with strangers. It was upsetting, I felt like he couldn't have been more thoughtless. But I pulled through.The guys were nice. Sadly the hot one only bottoms, and was 100% gay. No threesome there, even though I was too sick to care, I tried to because I knew Obi did. The other one is nice enough, but is on himself because he's fantastically smart. Like, really smart. Which was fine before he tried to put me on the spot with "Oh, so you're a writer? Tell me the true definition of irony." Which at one point I knew the answer to, like when I was studying and it was actually relevant to my life. But on a day where I'd been up before 5am, my face ached, I was overwhelmed by a crowd and early-pregnancy exhausted to boot? No, it wasn't going to happen for me. I need to instruct Obi to stop referring to me as a writer. Writer makes me sound smart. I'm a story teller
Anyway, we saw some really terrible stand-up by this guy we've met before. It was 6 odd years back, but he recognised us too. He's like 45 years old, wears a wife beater and a flannie and a trucker cap, works a blue collar job and comes from the same area I grew up in. That is to say he's a complete bogan. Nice guy though, if you can see past the typical Australian man thing. (Which is hard for me. There's a reason I didn't marry one!) He will be referred to as Trucker.
After that we played card games with these guys we had dinner with and some of their mates. There was a dance starting at midnight but no way in hell was I going to make it. Obi wanted to go, so I put myself to bed. Alone. Some romantic weekend away this was turning out to be, but fair enough. It was 11:30 when I tucked myself in, but I was awake at 2am when he joined me, and well, I can't say I was my best self.
I spent a lot of the next morning alone at the hotel café because he was playing poker. I made myself talk to some people, but there wasn't anything of interest to do, again, and he'd wanted to go shopping in the dealer's den together so I just.... waited. He calls me at some point to let me know he's going to lunch with some people and if I haven't eaten I could come too. Way to make plans without me.
I had eaten, but I was sick of being lonely so I went anyway. Some of the people were cool, it wasn't horrible. And I didn't have to eat, so win. But I was really getting over being the third wheel and feeling like a burden.
The dealers den was pretty good, I enjoyed shopping and we commissioned some art. Actual real art, not porn. So I'm excited. And then we had some time together in our room and got to talk which helped. He's all "these people are cool, I'm attracted to these other people and oh I'm having so much fun" and I'm all "I don't know any of these people, because everything has basically happened without me. I'm sick and feel completely left out and if we're going to do this monogamish thing you're going to have to balance it a lot better!"
It helped. We were on the same page when we left. But then we couldn't find the people I wanted to get to know better, they were at an external event, and so we went to dinner with this other nice guy, quiet and liked dancing, and trucker comedian guy who I mentioned earlier.
Turns out trucker wasn't 45. He's my age. Holy shit. I about died. Anyway, the dance started at 9pm, and we were back by then. We briefly saw the people I we wanted to know better, but they went on another out-of-hotel adventure and we went to the dance.
The dance was super lame. Maybe 30 people. Maybe. Mostly the people in there were just in that room because alcohol wasn't permitted to leave that specific area.
I'd made friends with the security dude the night before, so spent quite a lot of time standing with him and watching. He was the person I could relate to most. Another outsider. Another parent. Another mostly-monogamous married person. Conversation was good, or as good as it could be shouting over the awful music. Obi danced.
It was then I noticed the guy spinning poi at the back of the room and I really wished I had remembered to pack mine!! Damnit!!!
I coaxed Obi away for some fun and I'm certain neither of us regretted having just each other. It was hot. We went back to the party after, and I felt better than I had in ages. Maybe even up for flirting with some people, but my target was still gone.
Being sick, I had to blow my nose roughly every three minutes, so I spent a lot of time in the ladies. Alone, because there were probably ten women at the event all up. Twenty if you counted the cross-dressers. It was on one such adventure that trucker pulled Obi aside to proposition him.
He'd noticed our game, that we were open to some extra experiences... and wanted to offer his services. He'd told me earlier on that in his relationship there was a "open but no penetration" rule. Which would have been perfect, if we were the least bit attracted to him. But just no. I couldn't imagine holding his hand, never mind seeing him shirtless. He just wanted to cuddle and "be the dog at the end of our bed"... I felt bad for turning him down. But, neither of us could go there. Which was pretty funny.
In the end it was just a really good learning experience. Surprisingly, even when people openly hit on Obi I wasn't jealous. Progress! Hah. But we have a long way to go before he figures out how to flirt with others without completely forgetting about me or needing me gone entirely. And I learned a lot about fur cons in general. They really are not my thing, but I know I will continue to go. Or what? Stay at home with three kids struggling for several days while resenting him having time off to poke others? Hahaha never going to happen. And he really feels like this furry stuff is a significant part of who he is. He needs the furry things, even disregarding the sexual aspects. So, I need to find my niche in this community too.
Maybe I could have a table in the dealers room, sell some things. Make some money while all the boring panels are on. If I had my poi, I could enjoy that too, and join with other poi people rather than dancing (especially at times like these when I can't drink). Things like that.
The community is small, it shouldn't be hard to make a few friends if we keep attending events and stuff too. But it's going to be work, I see that now.
It's been rough coming home too, because Obi's had an adjustment period. He feels a bit sad it's over. He had a great time, he's been social networking with people he met there. I had a horrible experience and fully regret using my baby-free holiday (it was a one-time gift) on something that over-all made me miserable.
Oh and there's meets in Sydney, twice a month on Thursday. Theoretically we are both invited, except it's a pub meet in the evening and we have children. Realistically, the chances of me being able to go are slim. I could find or pay for a baby sitter... but if I was going to do that I'd go on a date! See a movie, go bowling, do almost anything other than go to a meet. .. So I dunno.
I guess I'm more upset by this whole thing than I thought I would be. But at least it's not the horrible jealousy I thought I'd have, just a different set of complications that I can work through in time.
Well Isis is awake from her nap, and I need to think about making dinner or text my husband to bring home Thai. Probably the latter. Have a good one!
I have never been to a convention, but I have heard from so many people how absolutely exhausting it is, and if you struggle with social anxiety, I can imagine it's even worse! I suppose the more often you go, the more you get a feeling of what is going on, what you can do while Obi does some things he would like to do and what is more your thing. The selling thing seems like a good idea!
The husband wants to take me to New York to visit his old WoW guild (I think it's a bunch of brothers?) and apparently there is a lot of drinking and crazy things going on - I don't necessarily want to go because to me they are strangers who I have nothing in common as I have only played WoW for like 2 months and only with the husband, but it's his old WoW guild, so I don't really have a choice and if it makes him happy, I will go.
Hope you figure things out so you don't regret your vacation as much next time!
Jenna - Yes, that's exactly what we do to get couple time, we dump our children off onto other people. Sometimes you need to put your relationship first, and that means saying good bye to the kids for a day or two. This is the longest we've ever left them with someone, but my sister when she offered to take them said we could go for a full week, and we only left for three days. The great thing about burdening other people like this is that other people think my children are amazing (because they actually really are) and they are happy to see them. If you're new to reading my blogs it's important for you to know that we're internationally nomadic. Everyone in our lives is painfully aware that we're leaving the country in about a year and a half, and they want to spend as much quality time with the kids as they can before that happens.
The other thing is that when we dump our brats off on my sister, she has a husband and a flatmate to help her out, which is quite a bit different than one of us being alone with the kids for a full weekend. For smaller events, we divide to conquer of course, like when Obi goes to play board games with his work mates on Friday nights or I go to the gym. One of us picks up the other's jobs and just gets it done. But it's hard. It's WORK. And it certainly wouldn't be fair for one of us to expect the other to do it while we took a holiday.
Lastly, I have a social anxiety disorder. My ability to take a holiday alone is basically non-existent. But even if I could, I wouldn't, because the person I want to spend time with most in the world is always Obi. I don't actually have it in me to deliberately sacrifice time with him to do anything else with anyone else. I'm really just that pathetic!
Whatruckus - Thanks, it's great to know you can relate and you get where I'm coming from! It does suck when these things happen, and it's hard not to feel sorry for ourselves when it does, but we know our guys love us and aren't deliberately dicks
Snow - Yes to the give and take thing! There's a lot of give in this whole being married gig!
I find they often want us to go so they can show us off. Which is kinda flattering... right?
I have a shameful WoW past too. And sadly will likely go back once all my spawn are at the going-to-bed-at-a-decent-time stage. I don't want to consider how much blizzard have made from me over the years!