I'm excited because in two days I meet my hired help. Her name is Lauren, and to begin with she will just come around every second Thursday afternoon and play with my kids for two hours while I do some house work. This will give the girls (ok, Isis. Selene has no shits to give) time to get used to her, learn to trust her, and me the chance to make sure she can actually handle looking after my minions.
I've bought finger paint and butcher's paper, because it's something the kids will love but I couldn't be stuffed actually doing with them. Lady can earn her $16 an hour haha.
I feel very positive about this though, it's a step towards getting the help I'll need after this next birth. I am genuinely terrified of feeling the way I did last time, and as it's the last baby I will have for me (haven't closed the door on possibly surrogating eventually) I want it to be positive. I want to have good memories to look back on. I have a lot of guilt about everything that happened with Selene, and in a way getting it right this time is my way of atoning for that. Even though I didn't actually do anything wrong
I recognise that PND is a legit illness, and that being depressed, stressed and resentful doesn't mean I didn't love or want her. But I dunno. I'm still healing from it all I guess.But yes! So the plan is when FF comes (Final Foetus) that I'll give Lauren a lot more hours. I'm also going to be looking for a sitter that is able to take the kids to their place, for when I need that option. For a few weeks I'm also going to pay someone to come clean my house. Because bugger trying to be superman. (If you're in the Sydney region looking for flexible work btw, now's the time to say something hah.)
On the pregnancy front, I need to get my arse back to the gym. I am in so much pain with my hips already, I know that if I don't get on it I'm going to be too unfit to push this thing out.
But I'm so lazy!
Good motivator though: My children crèche pass is due to expire soonish, and if I don't use up all the visits, that's burnt money. So once the kids aren't hacking their lungs out anymore I will make this a priority. Someone, hold me accountable?!
Overall though, pregnancy is good. I have five weeks until the big 19week scan and I can't wait.
Sadly, I've already been outed at work. This bitch (who is always lovely to me, but who drives me bloody insane because she thrives on misery) I work with was in the packed lunch room when I went to sign in on Saturday and she loudly exclaims "OH My God Miriam! You're not pregnant again?!" and then everyone is staring at me and talking about my belly (which is already viable because no abs.) I should have said "No, but thanks for calling me fat" but lying doesn't come to me naturally. Nobody pisses me off more than I annoy myself.
Anyway, people from other departments later came to my register to ask if the rumors were true, so there goes that.
I have plans to quit. Legally I have to stay there six months after mat leave, but that's up soon. If Obi gets a decent contract once he finishes Gods of Egypt (also in July I think) I'll likely hand in my notice at that point. I enjoy being there, but I don't believe in my company. Our practices destroy my soul, and I hate leaving my family, especially because Obi's home on weekends and I want to spend time with him. Of course knowing I'm going to quit has destroyed my work ethic. I have called in sick and rostered off left right and centre. I turn down more call-ins than I accept. I just don't care, and that's shameful. Of course, when I'm there I do my best. Because I'm not an arsehole. But still...
I'm just feeling so blessed right now. I got good news that isn't mine to share, so that's making me happy. And my one of my good mates had her baby a bit over a week ago, and I finally got to meet the little darling. It was special. I don't like kids, but I felt something with this one. It was weird. The only kids I've ever felt that for are my own! On top of that, Bec and I booked to see Elton John at the end of the year, and I can't wait. I'll have the newborn with me, but leaving the other kids with the husband. It's in the hunter valley, wine and cheese country, and I won't be pregnant so freaking yay! Wine and fancy cheese for Miriam!
My girls are good to me. Isis is into having tea and bickies (cookies) with me in the afternoon, and loves reading. Sometimes if I'm too busy she will read to herself, which is amazing to watch. I know that she can't actually read, which means her memory is nothing short of amazing. She has about ten books (some quite long like "room on the broom" and "The princes and the treasure") committed to memory, and can recite them back at a level that can be understood by someone not looking at the picture. I just love that we actually have interests in common now. She's also been really sooky, asking me to stay with her and hold her hand while she goes to sleep and stuff. Most days now I nap on her floor beside the bed, because exhausted. It's nice to feel loved.
She's developed a love of cooking as well (obviously didn't get that from me).
Selene actually has a personality now, and watching them chase each other around has been the best. Selene's been really affectionate too. She kissed me back the other day! I'm just very lucky.
Thinking of lucky, tomorrow I'm officially advancing my age another year, and I'm excited to see what Obi is planning
Ok, I should really do some housework, seeming that's why I'm not asleep and all.
Peace, Love & Coffee.
And thank you for sharing your experience Lyons. Neither Obi or I ever had a serious move as kids. It worked for him, but I hated it.
I don't see why the kids can't keep their friendships up at a distance in the same way they will with their families. I had a few penpals as a kid, mostly friends who were lucky enough to move away haha. I was even fortunate enough to visit one of them once I was old enough to travel alone. (Not international, however
Obi has also mentioned on the fly a few times that he "knows we will spend most of our time in Oz" so I think our stays here are likely to be quite a bit longer than 3 years. Canada living? Well, that's likely to be less haha. But I do try to keep the family's best interests at heart, if I didn't we'd never live in Canada at all lol
Because of my own experiences I decided I want our kids to go to the same school period.
I've been to 6 different schools, first 1,5 years at one, then 4,5, then changing schools once a year three times in a row and then finally managed to stay at the same (high school, upper secondary school, br sixth form college, am senior high [school] what is the right word?) for the whole full 3 years.
But everyone does things as they find best
I read all your blogs straight from my email so if you think I havent' seen your writing, you're wrong (I'm hooked on your blogs). You're simply amazing! And HUGE congratulations about the third baby! God you make it all sound so easy! I haven't had a baby at my feet in 13 years and just the thought of a new onw makes me exhausted. I think you were sent on earth just to make babies. First for yourself and then for others cause man you rock it!
How can you make giving birth sound so easy :|
Love you!