I made the most amazing vegie bake tonight. I'm eating it right now, because everything was running so late that it became perfect at the same time I put my brats to bed. (I fed them the still cooked but un-browned version)

Anyway, delicious. I will probably eat so much of this shit tonight that I make myself sick because it's amazing and you're not supposed to eat leftovers when you're pregnant. (Depending who you ask, anyway. Lordy the ridiculous rules...)
I'm finally getting to the point where meat isn't the star of the show. Like tonight I was all excited because I was going to put cauliflower in this thing. I invite people over for a roast, but they are thinking beef or lamb and I'm meaning roasted stuffed pumpkin. Cheese soufflé? You don't need meat with something that divine.

Whilst I don't really miss meat (except when I'm trying to figure out what to cook, because 80% of everything I know how to make has meat in it) I never wanted to be a vegetarian. And in fairness, I'm not. Not yet. On weekends my husband cooks and I pick out the bigger chunks of whatever poor animal ended up in the pot and I leave it at that. Once a week I make a meaty dish and either cook myself something else or take out my portion before the meat gets in. Sometimes I even manage to choke down half a chicken kebab (and even enjoy it) before some bastard points out that I'm eating meat and then I just can't finish it anymore.

But this isn't me. I've always been one of those people who laugh at this kind of thing:


And I'm sure Obi is weathering the storm in good grace because it's a pregnancy thing. My first two pregnancies I couldn't drink coke, but Pepsi became the most amazing thing on the planet. This time coke is in, meat is out out out.

Even some seafood. And I love seafood. But when there's prawns I'm like "Every one of these little guys was someone's baby" and I freak the hell out. It's annoying. I don't want to be like this, I want to be all "if you don't like chicken, there's something very wrong with you" (Thank you Australian advertising.)

~~ Just then, Obi came home from stargazing with his nerdmates. Er, workmates. And he saved me one piece of his KFC. I ate the batter off, and now I feel badass, but the flesh? No. I just.. No. ~~

But what if... what if it wasn't just a pregnancy thing? What if I got so used to it, and knew enough recipes, that I could just keep going after I give birth? I mean, that would be pretty awesome, right?

On one hand I want this really badly, but on the other I'm afraid of the annoying pain in the arse I will become. Because most of my vegetarian or vegan friends? Yep, they are a pain in my arse. My sister is right up there on this list. She wants to be vegan but her doctor isn't letting her right now. Every time food is involved in anything it's "cruelty this or that". She doesn't say "I let my husband cook himself a steak for the first time in a month" she says "I'm letting him have cruelty". This goes for basically everything food related. And yet her beauty products are all cruelty products and I can't seem to get her to stop buying that shit for me and sticking it in my stocking every year. Those boots are leather. She'll mock her friend for getting upset at someone for supporting the economies of countries with high animal exploitation because that person eats meat - but doesn't recognise that it probably goes both ways. Is exploiting animals in other ways somehow not cruel because you don't eat steak?

On some level we are all contributing to the problem. If you're making an effort through any avenue to reduce that, I think that's great and you shouldn't be guilted for the shit you're not ready to do yet. Something is better than nothing, and lets judge a little less, and all that. (I too have to learn this.)

But I know how likely it is that I'll turn into a pain in the arse, because I'm already one on several levels. You can call it activism if you like, of course
Like feminism. Four years ago I "didn't need" feminism. I "was an equilist, not a feminist"... which is to say, of course, I was fucking uneducated. Hey! At least I admit it. Now? Now I'm pointing out inequality every where I see it, and I'm challenging it. I'm talking shit like "why men need feminism". I'm into GNP (gender neutral parenting). Sometimes I even leave the house without a bra, and I don't feel unsexy with my underarm hair (and my husband wants me just as badly, so I guess it's not the big deal teen movies make it out to be)

I'm learning about racism and how I can make a difference (feel free to tell me how, I'm serious). I'm a LGBT+ activist. Don't get me started on vaccination. I'm trying to find ways to mesh sustainable living with being in the city, and I annoy the shit out of my customers at work with "are you sure you need a bag?" and "you can buy this same product without packaging..."
I'm conscious of the impact of everything I buy and am working through a list of what I can change or do better or need to learn more about and on all these fronts I am certain I annoy my mates just as much if not more than my vegie friends annoy me. I try not to make people feel judged, but maybe they still do feel that way and they just don't tell me about it?

I don't know.

I don't want to be that wife who "doesn't let" her partner have a steak (though I have banned the frozen burgers and devon from the house) or be that chick no one wants to go to coffee with because she's going to talk about the dairy industry and why you should get a soycap instead.

At the same time I can't unlearn that a pig has the same intelligence as a four year old. I can't unlearn that there has been a significant decline in the meat industry in the past (oh I can't remember...) 2 years? 3? Recent anyway. And the stats are all there. Every person not eating meat is making a difference. Every person choosing free-range eggs over battery is making a difference (I have been making this choice for nearly ten years now, but it's nice to see that it does actually make a difference, you know?). Every person not consuming cows milk or palm oil... they are all actually making a difference. And that makes me feel like a real cunt for not helping them make a difference too.

I can't see me becoming vegan. I can't. I don't even know if once my hormones aren't whack if I'll still prefer cauliflower to chicken, never mind cutting out the 2 odd litres of milk I consume on a daily basis. Right now it's working for me though. If shopping and cooking without meat became a habit...

Maybe, maybe I could.

And maybe my family won't even notice or care too much, just like when I stopped shaving.