My sister often talks to me about how much she hates parenting terms. The worst offender is "baby wearing". Ok, I get that it kind of sounds like peeling your child's skin off and using it as a tiny coat or something. But what else are you going to call it? From GNP (gender neutral parenting) to attachment parenting through to baby-led weaning, we have these labels just to make it easier to convey where we stand and what we are doing. Because aint no parent got time to describe it every single time. And, I'm sure all these terms make good hashtags.

Anyway, there's a new term that she absolutely has no problem using, that I'm sick to fucking death of hearing. This term is "natural breeder". IE, people like me. People who, seeming they didn't require medical assistance to fall pregnant are somehow never going to appreciate their babies as much, and might even be worse parents for it.

Well, maybe the first thing there is true. Maybe us natural breeders don't appreciate our children in the same way. Any time you fight for anything you'll value it more, in theory anyway. But personally, I am kind of getting the jack of having something inherently wrong with me BECAUSE there's nothing wrong with me.

Now, I'm not saying anything to her because I'm not an insensitive douche bag, so I come here and rant instead. I get that she's probably not aiming it at me. I get that she probably shares her thoughts on natural breeders so openly because she isn't consciously lumping me with that crowd. I have always been her biggest supporter, so likely she sees me as part of her team and it's never occurred to her that I A) Don't agree with her or B) Might be offended at these generalisations that could all easily apply to me.

But shit. The other day she got me a good one, probably why it is still on my mind. We were talking about this family who have been on the news. - Chick left the baby with it's dad to bath it while she took a nap, he shook the shit out of it and nearly killed it. Somehow the baby pulled through with the help of a good hospital, but the mum had PTSD. She went on to write a book and is now getting her 15 minutes of fame. - Of course Bec tells me confidently that it's only natural breeders who do this. I'm not sure what the opposite of natural breeder is, but those people? Well they appreciate their children. They don't see their children as replaceable and thus would never ever lose their temper with their kids.

You're fucking kidding me, right?

I don't feel like my kids are replaceable. Could I have another? Yes, probably. But it isn't effortless. (Nor is it without sacrifice or pain or an investment of time and energy.) It isn't like I want a baby and a new one magically presents itself.

Anyway, I admitted that I totally understand how people get to the point where they want to shake their infants. Hell, I get to that point with some adults. No but seriously. I get it. I'd love to say I'm not ashamed to admit it, but actually I totally am. But as it stands I have lost count of the amount of times I've had to put one of my children down and walk away, because if I don't I am going to hurt this baby. But I always do manage. I will do whatever it takes to protect my child, even from myself.

And me, I count that as a good parenting skill. Knowing when to stop. Knowing your own limit and when to ask for help. The important part, in my mind, is that you do restrain yourself. That you get the job done, get your child to a safe place and then get the hell away before you smother them with a pillow. But apparently only natural breeders get angry with their children and only absolute monsters could ever feel anger or the desire to hurt a child.

I'm like "no, no I totally see how someone could get to that point" and she's like "I never once wanted to hurt Maybelle..."
Maybelle is a fucking dog. I'm sorry, but it is never going to be the same. "Babies don't destroy your $400 shoes". Uh, do mums even have $400 shoes? I sure as heck don't.
"Your dog doesn't scream insistently, so loud you can't hear your own thoughts, for hours at a time when you haven't slept more than three hours straight in months"

In fact, if it did you could legally lock it outside while you took a nap. If you get stressed because your dog ate your $400 shoes you can legally leave it at home alone for 12 hours while you go to a day spa and it won't die. Ugh.

Obi's like "don't let her upset you love, she doesn't get it because she doesn't have children" be that as it may, I can't say that to her, because that would make me an arsehole. I hear all the time how people (only the natural breeders of course) say that to her and how shit it makes her feel for people to imply she knows nothing about kids just because she doesn't/can't have them. Besides, she knows lots about kids, and I feel comfortable leaving mine with her.

But I'm secretly praying that when she does have a baby it will have some nasty colic or something. Except, then I'd have to listen to how God gives her the special/difficult children/pets/friends/family/etc spiel again, because she's the only one strong enough to handle them. Pass. Well, perhaps a normal baby will have to do. A normal baby will send you to the brink of who you are on a bad day anyway.

Ok, I'm done ranting like a hormonal arsehole. Thanks for reading!