This blog will likely be full of my complaining. I have no where else to go to complain. Anyway as that will be boring, it's fine to just scroll on by. My feelings won't be hurt.

I have seven weeks to go until my guess date - that is, the expected date of delivery for this tiny spawn I have inside me.

Yesterday was a pretty big day, so I didn't think much of the pain I was in at the end of it. The arse end of pregnancy is uncomfortable and often painful, I try to take that shit in my stride. Anyway, so I went to bed, and at some point Obi finally came to bed too, woke me up and the inevitable *I need to pee* alarm bells went off in my head, as they do basically every 20 minutes because giant uterus sitting on tiny bladder.

I only realised there was a problem when I tried to get out of bed. There was this screaming agony (literally) somewhere in my vag, like someone had stuffed really big hands in there and were forcibly trying to tear my hip bones open. I couldn't roll over. I couldn't part my thighs. And when I finally got on my feet I couldn't walk.

Why is this in past tense? I still can't fucking walk. Just sitting here is painful.

Come morning my midwife confirmed my fears. I have SPD. To save you googling, "The symphysis pubis is a stiff joint that connects the two halves of your pelvis. This joint is strengthened by a dense network of tough, flexible tissues (ligaments). Your body produces a hormone called relaxin, which softens your ligaments in order to help your baby be born.
SPD is thought to be caused by a combination of hormones that you produce during pregnancy, as well as the way your body moves. If one side of your pelvis moves more than the other when you walk or move around, the area around the symphysis pubis becomes tender."

Tender is a vast understatement.

I was lucky because today is that one day a week my sister comes and helps me with the kids, so there was only two incidences where I got stuck on the floor unable to rise. Embarrassingly one was at Gymbaroo (the kid activity we take them to each week, I highly recommend it) and I was in tears even though Bec came and half lifted me back onto my feet. I have never known pain like this and I've had two unmedicated births.
I took what painkillers you're allowed to have in pregnancy, nothing. Didn't touch the pain.

My midwife reassures me that the pain will stop after I give birth.

Wait. What?

That's in SEVEN WEEKS. I couldn't get through today without help. How the fuck am I going to survive the next seven weeks? I feel panicky just thinking about it.

I know I must have been blessed not to have gotten this in the previous pregnancies, or earlier in this one. I've heard women talking about it and kind of just dismissed them as being softcocks (because honestly some chicks really harp on about how bad pregnancy is and I've always been a bit "You don't have HG? Ok then shut up, you're lucky to be pregnant") but nope, this shit deserves some respect. (Note: I would never be mean to someone, and if they asked for help I would help even if I secretly thought they were bunging it on a bit.)

I'm also a bit terrified because one of the articles I read on SPD pointed out to me that I'll need to talk to my midwife about new ways to manage labour. The last two labours I was very active. I run/waddle really fast, bounce on the ball, run some more. I try to run away from the pain. Well walking brings tears to my eyes now so what the hell do I do when it comes time to get this baby out? I don't even know. I just know that I will do it. And then Obi will catch this beautiful yet disgusting being, and turn it over and we'll discover it's sex and smile at each other about how amazing we are. And it will be ok.

I'm just going to have to harden up.

So that's where we are at.

* I have one rostered shift left at work (that I will somehow get through?!)
* we don't have a bed or a car seat for this baby yet
* Someone cancelled and so Obi managed to get our already present kids a spot at swim survival school today. Yay! They are due to start a week after I'm due to give birth. Not yay, but it's hard to get one place never mind two, so we will make it work! I can't wait to get Selene's training done, because she's a tank and I know she'll do well.
* We are celebrating pagan Easter on the weekend, I'm making an egg hunt for the kids. I've never been on one, never mind setting one up, so I'm stoked!


Ok. So I have to face my fears, stand up and go figure out what I'm making for dinner. Thank you to anyone who listened to my whinge.