I guess I'm just jealous of people who get to write down ANY number on there at the moment, the same way I'm jealous of people who are close distance. I just wish we had a date set, I think the not knowing when I'll see him again is really getting to me at the moment. The even more frustrating thing is that I know its mainly my fault that things aren't going to the original plan, before I had this mini-crisis with my illness things were ticking along, the plan was for him to visit here in the Spring and then us to get married in the Summer but now the money situation isn't what is was then it's all on a temporary hold.
He's working as hard as he can, taking on extra work to save up as much as possible so I don't have to go back to the stressful job I was. In the meantime I'm exploring all the other options to make as much money as I can without getting ill again as well as trying everything I can to be as strong as I have been for a while. It's just a slow process and I'm not good at waiting!!!! I wish I didn't live in the UK with such strict financial criteria for visas it would make it easier in so many ways
Trying to think positive, I know however long it takes it will happen. We're still young and still in many ways at the start of a relationship, we've still got lots to learn. I think I would however cope with the length of time it could take to close the distance if we at least had a visit planned and set in stone.
I'm babbling now
I think envy often goes hand in hand with being happy for others, it is just like you said you want it for yourself, too... Have you tried any maitri or metta meditation? I always feel more generous when I do that. Best of luck on moneysaving/ creative planning