11:45 and I feel sick to my stomach-not because of something I ate but because I feel like my SO is pushing away from me a little and I am to blame. I'll admit I did pressure him a lil but he was open to talking about getting engaged and marriage and even kids. I just don't understand why now he's suddenly not wanting to go along with our plans and he doesn't want to talk about that stuff anymore. He told me to drop it on the skype im and when I just asked him a question he told me to stop naggin.
He was joking but it hurt because it was a simple question of when he thinks we are ready and his answer "I don't know" and he always says that. I want to be with him more than anything like I said in the last blog in 8 months we wil be at the end of our 2 yrs and going onto 3 and I mean thats fine if we wait till a lil way through our third yr to get him moved over. But if he waits till that summer after then tells me to wait a 4th year I won't do it. I cannot stand waiting like this for 4 yrs total. 3 Maybe. But already its taking its toll on me mentally. I cry whenever I hear a certain song even movies make me emotional. Sometimes I just start crying because I miss him and Im miserable without him.
He acts so calm and collect like telling me to wait another year wouldn't hurt me and it didn't hurt him. That is what makes me frustrated with him he doesn't share his emotions or thoughts to me. I love him so much yet I don't know. I just feel so guilty and I don't what else to say. I don't want to lose him and this is the longest relationship Ive ever been in and Im scared as hell. But Im staying strong. For now. I just hope he takes charge and starts walking the walk and talking the talk and doing some sort of action to show me he's coming at least soon. All I can do now is just hope and pray that he will change his mind. I don't know with his family and friends giving their options though.