My sister said this-"im just worried your going to become a fucking loser then marry a fucking loser." After I accidentally sent her a text that was meant to go to B (my boyfriend) saying I didn't want to go on a road trip with her because she had a gene that she and my mom shared to make me feel like crap on a daily basis. Yes what I said was mean, but it was only because I was upset but what she said made me feel like I swallowed a knife and it cut right through me. She said more than just that but that line played over and over in my mind. She ditched me at Barnes and Noble to go out with her friends, I called my mom collect because my cell phone had died and she took my sisters side because she had called her first. I was having a good day with my sister before I accidentally sent that text. Earlier she was saying how B was such a nice guy and yet she was ragging on him and I right infront of me! Saying I was going to marry a fucking loser the nerve of her... It could have said something way worse she texted back and called me an ungrateful bitch and that I was 21 and still living with my parents, I'm unemployed (because Im a full time student), and that I don't pay rent so I should be embarrassed by it is what she said all around. I sat there in silence and took it in...I was quiet for most of the rest of the day. Even earlier when she randomly asked me what I would do if something happened to our parents. I couldn't even answer that question it made me cry because I knew after she asked that the rest of the day would become a make natty feel like crap day. And she rubbed in it far. As if my parents making me feel worse a couple days earlier wasn't enough she goes on and makes it worse. Why do the three main people in my life make me feel this way? They are suppose to love me and push me to my dreams and yet when I succeed they question why I haven't succeeded at other areas...It just sucks having a bad support system. I feel so depressed half of the time after they come at me. And they say "oh we aren't saying this to make you feel bad." Then what is it suppose to make me feel? motivated? Another thing my sister yelled at me saying "you have no motivation" among other things. I am motivated they just don't take the time to see how much I am. They just go by the fact I am working hard and still unemployed and not moved out yet. They have a timer on me and are constantly on my back. Im getting so fed up with it-I really am. I can't take this for much longer. I want a job so badly but can they see that? No of course not.


Part 2
Everyone has those people who just bring you down.Those two in my life are my parents.
My mom is more upfront with the negativity but my dad is slow and to the point-
It hurts more when he says stuff to me.They always rag on me about my weight and school (math in particular).They think I can't do simple algebra which I can,but they say it so much I might start believing them soon.Which I don't want to.My dad was saying oh do this problem and while I was figuring it out, he made a buzzer sound indicating I was going to slow...Just because I can't figure out a simple problem fast enough to their standards I dont know math apparently. It hurts because its like they are saying "oh you need to face reality and get that you don't get math and need flashcards" or "how many times have you taken the college placement test in the math section." Rubbing stuff in my face isn't going to make me give in to them anytime soon. Plus my mom was the one who said a test score doesn't determine who you are, well apparently now thats bullshit. It's like I can't believe certain stuff they say because later on they tear it up infront of me-verbally wise. When I got a B in my class recently they were all "oh thats a shame you should have strived for an A" when I was really close to getting an A and had aced everything else but the final. Then they went on to remind me that the college of my dreams wouldn't accept me unless I had straight A's. It just hurts when they get on me about my schooling, yes I might not be the best at math or science for the matter but I do ok for a normal student. I don't care if I get B's and C's in those classes I would be grateful if I do. I can do math, not all kinds of math but certain kinds I can but to my parents I can't do any kinds what so ever. I want to give up on math all together because of them and thats sad because I was really reaching for a goal to get those classes over. Im nervous to take math in college because I know when I am doing my homework they will rag on me for not being accurate or getting one wrong-why? Because they are like that. Pretty sad huh?
As far as the weight yes I am a round curvy girl but who isn't now a days? In my family thats a burden another sad factor...Sorry this blog is downer I am just super annoyed with my family at the moment.